Hello,
Thank you for reading my story. Sorry that it might end up long.
Background: Met husband in college. We out a few times then started to date. We have been together 8 years married 2.5 of those. Dating years were great, we had a lot of fun common interest, traveled a lot, enjoyed life. Got engaged had some ups and downs in the engagement period but over all life was good.
We had a huge but very nice wedding. Honeymoon was ok not what I thought it would be just not much connection all of a sudden.
Please dont get me wrong, he is a nice person. Means well and can be supportive. He is probably one of the most loyal person (guy) I've met. I do love him. I dont like the saying i love him just not in love, but begining to feel its truly how I feel.
The first issue: So we never lived together before getting married. We bought a house after we got married; and never see each other which is probably part of the issues. We both work full time I am out one night a week for sports and he is out 5 nights out of 7. So not much time together other than we sleep in the same bed. I feel more like a roommate than a wife. I can saw we have had dinner together maybe 5 times since we have been married. Otherwise we eat whenever.
The 2nd issue: Besides him gone most nights, we have poor communication. I can say part of that is me. I have a hard time talking since we have been married and its not because I dont want to talk, but we are very different when it comes to religion, politics and just things in general. I tend to see both sides of a story, try to understand another view point and am very concious about not hurting others opinions as they have a right to believe what they want. So at night when we are in bed I will watch the news. I find that some of the stories are interesting and will try to talk about it. When I state my opinion I am instantly wrong, or how could I think such thoughts. He is very opinionated and has very strong religious views and those are the only view. All these types of remarks came after the wedding.
The 3rd Issue: Everything we have except the house is seperate. He treats everything as mine and his not ours. I am not worried about an affair or anything like that, however we are not a couple like I had so pictured my whole life. I look at my friends who are happily married and they do a lot together. We do more seperate than together. 9 time out of 10 we are with friends if we are together.
Last issue: our sex life is pretty much null. I am in my prime, I am 30 and want children and he is 38. I have tried to approach and iniate sex and get so many excuses I gave up asking. We have gone 3 to 6 months at a time without sex.
I just want to be loved and to have a relationship we had the first 4 years we were together. I love his family yes we have our difference but we get along for the most part. All these issues have been going on for 2 years and just feeling like I want out of my marriage and I never thought I would say that. I feel bad for him, this is his second marriage. But I want to be happy, I want to come home to someone who wants to be home and share the same interests. I feel like I am drifting apart. We do lack communication if I bring up anything about us and goals he gets very defensive. So I tend to clam up.
My question for all you: knowing we lack communication how can I bring this up to him, that I am not happy. I feel like my couseling would be good for us, because I am at my breaking point of wanting a divorce. I want to be happy an affraid its not going to be with him. I am sick of being put down, and the comments he makes about me being his sugar mamma. When we met he was very motivated and now has no drive, no goals and i am very motivated, career driven, goal oriented and want someone with the same values.
Sorry this was so long.
Thank you again for reading.
Numb with all my feelings.
Thank you for reading my story. Sorry that it might end up long.
Background: Met husband in college. We out a few times then started to date. We have been together 8 years married 2.5 of those. Dating years were great, we had a lot of fun common interest, traveled a lot, enjoyed life. Got engaged had some ups and downs in the engagement period but over all life was good.
We had a huge but very nice wedding. Honeymoon was ok not what I thought it would be just not much connection all of a sudden.
Please dont get me wrong, he is a nice person. Means well and can be supportive. He is probably one of the most loyal person (guy) I've met. I do love him. I dont like the saying i love him just not in love, but begining to feel its truly how I feel.
The first issue: So we never lived together before getting married. We bought a house after we got married; and never see each other which is probably part of the issues. We both work full time I am out one night a week for sports and he is out 5 nights out of 7. So not much time together other than we sleep in the same bed. I feel more like a roommate than a wife. I can saw we have had dinner together maybe 5 times since we have been married. Otherwise we eat whenever.
The 2nd issue: Besides him gone most nights, we have poor communication. I can say part of that is me. I have a hard time talking since we have been married and its not because I dont want to talk, but we are very different when it comes to religion, politics and just things in general. I tend to see both sides of a story, try to understand another view point and am very concious about not hurting others opinions as they have a right to believe what they want. So at night when we are in bed I will watch the news. I find that some of the stories are interesting and will try to talk about it. When I state my opinion I am instantly wrong, or how could I think such thoughts. He is very opinionated and has very strong religious views and those are the only view. All these types of remarks came after the wedding.
The 3rd Issue: Everything we have except the house is seperate. He treats everything as mine and his not ours. I am not worried about an affair or anything like that, however we are not a couple like I had so pictured my whole life. I look at my friends who are happily married and they do a lot together. We do more seperate than together. 9 time out of 10 we are with friends if we are together.
Last issue: our sex life is pretty much null. I am in my prime, I am 30 and want children and he is 38. I have tried to approach and iniate sex and get so many excuses I gave up asking. We have gone 3 to 6 months at a time without sex.
I just want to be loved and to have a relationship we had the first 4 years we were together. I love his family yes we have our difference but we get along for the most part. All these issues have been going on for 2 years and just feeling like I want out of my marriage and I never thought I would say that. I feel bad for him, this is his second marriage. But I want to be happy, I want to come home to someone who wants to be home and share the same interests. I feel like I am drifting apart. We do lack communication if I bring up anything about us and goals he gets very defensive. So I tend to clam up.
My question for all you: knowing we lack communication how can I bring this up to him, that I am not happy. I feel like my couseling would be good for us, because I am at my breaking point of wanting a divorce. I want to be happy an affraid its not going to be with him. I am sick of being put down, and the comments he makes about me being his sugar mamma. When we met he was very motivated and now has no drive, no goals and i am very motivated, career driven, goal oriented and want someone with the same values.
Sorry this was so long.
Thank you again for reading.
Numb with all my feelings.