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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 10-19-2009, 12:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Conclusion

Figured this might be a good place to post this from my other thread.

Well after a long in depth conversation we came to the realization that neither of us are currently happy at all in our marriage. It has been this way for both of us for quite some time.

There are several things that took me by surprise:
1) Her pain during intercourse, made her feel "squimish" anytime we even hugged. She realizes it wasn't my fault but she said there is something subconsious or whatnot she couldn't explain about me being the one that caused her that physical pain.
2) Apparently there was a guy who she dated 6 years ago or so, before we dated that "has a piece of her heart locked away". She hasn't seen him since we started dating. (I was the first she had intercourse with) Well she claims that she hates this man logically but can't control her emotions for him. She says on a ladder, logic+emotion I would be on top but emotion to emotion I fall short. Again she hasn't even seen this guy in several years. (This probably hurts the most)
3) Even if she did not have pain during intercourse she would not want to be intimate with me as things are currently.
4)She has felt uncomfortable for several weeks sleeping in the same bed as me due to this.
5)She said that since we were married at 20, she feels she never had the chance to go out and party and experience being young.


We decided to go to sleep in separate rooms for now and try counseling and see if there is any chance to salvage this relationship. But it does not look good at this point.

I just don't see where I went wrong.

There is a sense of relief (is this normal?)
It also seems at the same time like a bad dream.
Maybe she hides her emotions it doesn't seem to be effecting her as much.
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Old 10-23-2009, 01:43 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Conclusion

I've had pain during intercourse in the past with hubby. I couldnt figure it out and I thought all kinds of things but the real reason was because I wasnt fully aroused and I wasnt aroused becuase I wasnt connected to my husband sexually.

So has she gon to a doctor to see what the pain is? if its no medical then it has to be mental. Maybe you are not stimulating her enough. Do you guys connect outside the bedroom?
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