She's lost that loving feeling... - Page 2

PDJOVER · 03-14-2008, 05:04 PM

Draconis,

Thank you so much for being here for myself and the other posters. It means a lot to know that you have someone to talk to. I apologize for all the posts, but I plan to continue updating as part of a type of log for myself.

And with that, not much conversation tonight. She seemed very sad or drained. She took my daughter to a dance, and then is going to a candle party. Hopefully she will be a little more responsive when she gets home.

Pat

draconis · 03-14-2008, 06:17 PM

Be keen to ask her about the party and the candles. What scents she likes and what they remind her of. Always good to use the day to increase communication.

draconis

PDJOVER · 03-15-2008, 08:18 PM

Well, it looks like it is over. When we left for our movie date tonight she just reached over and took my hand and told me her feelings weren't going to change. She has looked into an apartment. I have no idea hoew we are going to break this to the kids. I just know I need to be strong for them. I think there might be some depression issues as well. She dropped me off at the house and left to stay at her mom's. She didn't even come in to talk to the kids or say goodnight.

Please give any advice if you think there is still any hope of winning her back.

PDJOVER · 03-17-2008, 12:41 PM

Another question for the masses. As of now we have 2 checking accounts, 1 which is hers and 1 which is joint. Their is hardly any extra cash in either. Would it be prudent for me to open a seperate account for my direct deposit?

Thanks,
Pat

Amplexor · 03-17-2008, 01:30 PM

PDJOVER

I am so sorry to hear this. It must be devastating. In answer to your question, if divorce is the only option you should start to divide the assets. My heart goes out to your kids, good luck.

PDJOVER · 03-17-2008, 04:50 PM

Amp,
I don't know if it's completely over or not. We had a nice talk and a soda at the loacal bar together this evening. I still think that anything she has with an OM is strictly emotional. Still as hurtful, but maybe not as hard to get over as a full blown affair. I'm trying to give her some space and see if the grass may not be greener. (God, I'm full of cliches.)

We've decided to wait to talk to the kids until she has more of an exit strategy, and we have the schedule for visitation worked out. One thing in my favor right now is that she can't afford an apartment, and I can't afford one and the house payment. I feel that the longer she is around home and sees my positive changes, the better the chance she will think about the consequences.

Now for the bad news, she has a First Responders meeting tonight and the OM? will be there. She said she plans to go out for a couple of drinks afterward. (She is Irish) I feel a lot more at peace with myself tonight, so I didn't make it an issue. I am going to go to my friends bar for a while and hang out. I was sure to tell her so she would know not to go there. She did say she may go out with her best friend, but I will have no way of knowing.

Pat

Amplexor · 03-18-2008, 06:37 AM

Being the husband who has gone through the emotional affair pain, let me tell you, you can get over it. Try and see things from her perspective and see what made her vulnerable to the affair in the first place. Don’t lose yourself in this. She has hurt you too and needs to make amends if the marriage is to work. Your plan sounds about as good as possible. Have you discussed counseling? Good luck.

PDJOVER · 03-18-2008, 06:41 AM

Amp,

Thanks for all your responses and wise advice.

I have asked about counseling a few times, but she says that we have allready talked about everything and their is no point. I just responded that no we haven't and let it go at that.

Pat

draconis · 03-18-2008, 11:19 AM

If it is over then it is over. Try to keep the divorce civil for the kids. Look to things that will help you out and relieve stress. The gym is a perfect place because you feel better about yourself, helps with health, looking better and it actually releases chemicals that make you feel better.

draconis

PDJOVER · 03-19-2008, 02:10 PM

My W and I are still living together, and seem to be getting along a little better. No relationship talk, just discuss the day to day things. It seems to me that she is getting home a little earlier sometimes. I don't want to just give up on 13 plus years, but can't seem to get her to say anything but her feelings can't change.

I truly believe that now that I've seen how badly my keeping to myself was hurting her, we can make this relationship better than iy ever was. I will continue to try to be as present and as loving as I can, without pressing to hard.

Pat

PDJOVER · 04-07-2008, 08:59 AM

My W and I told the kids about the coming separation on Sat. night. Does anyone have any children based web sites for them to utilize?

swedish · 04-07-2008, 09:13 AM

Someone pointed out this link in another post. It's an article on telling your kids:

Explaining Divorce to Your Kids

I'm not sure of any online support for kids, but where I live has some support groups specifically for kids whose parents are going through divorce, through the park district and/or YMCA.

PDJOVER · 04-07-2008, 09:16 AM

Thanks Swedish