Can I do more?
Hello,
I am delighted to have found this site as it as already been very helpful - even if to demonstrate I am not alone.
I am a 36 y/o man, and have been married to my wife for 12 years. No children.
We have had a rocky marraige but it has not been short of it's good times, and everyone always says how 'connected' we are. It has been very hard for my wife as I suffer from Bipolar disorder - but I only had this diagnosed 2 years ago. So we spent 10 years knowing I had a problem, but being passed from bad to worse doctors with inaccurate diagnoses. Thank God, 2 years ago I met my current doctor, and I now receive the treatment I need.
In these last 2 years, our relationship improved a lot. But we did have one issue which I know (and I know now how much) caused my wife serious unhappiness - Sex. I am very embarassed by it, and avoided it at all costs. However I do find my wife very attractive, and would love a healthy sex life with her. I think it might be all part of my illness.
Anyway, it started going downhill a few months ago, but I had no idea how much. Last month she said she wanted to break up. I think she has let out years of pent-up anger - she is suddenly very angry about many things, spreading back the whole 12 years. As she puts it, 'lots of little things that are now one huge one'.
I was very shocked, obviously, and very upset.
Since then seperation options have been discussed, but I dearly love my wife and don't want to give up on this. I feel we have something special worth saving.
I asked if she was prepared to give us a chance - she said she did not know, but she is 'numb' right now & I must back off in order for there to be any chance. Understandable, so I am now sleeping in a different room, I'm still talking to her (we are friendly, we arent arguing or anything) but trying to give her space as well.
I called a marraige councelling service yesterday, and I asked my wife if she would come - she agreed, although I feel she is nervous and doesnt think it will work.
I mentioned it again today (as I got the appointment sorted), and said I appreciated her for giving it a chance. She said she was worried it may be too late, but "we'll see". I told her I loved her, she smiled and said thankyou, she's now in the bath & I'll cook her some tea in a bit (this isnt unusual btw, I'm the cook - not forced, I like it. Plus she works late).
I'm holding on to the positive - I would just like any advice if there is any more I can do, or if anyone feels I could approach this in a different way. I want all the help I can to get this right!
Thanks for listening and any help,
Jim (Republic of Ireland)
|
