Fenderfan

Hi, everyone.

Been married twenty years to high school sweetheart. We have two older teen age daughters, and a six year old daughter. We also suffered the loss of our oldest daughter about seven years ago she was twelve at the time.

The problem is I feel like I am insignificant around here, like I can try to make the bread, and fix things, but that is about it.

The wife is still going to bed every night with the six year old. She comes to bed sometime in the middle of the night, and every plan seems to be guided around the what our youngest daughter wants.

My wife also never plans ahead to get me xmas or birthday presents. I was 45 a month ago, and she got me a can of peanuts from walgreens, because she did not have any money saved. On my 40th birthday, she did not do anything. NO gift, no dinner, no cake no nothing.

Last night I got home from work, and things were tense around the house over dinner. I was ready to take us out if needed. My wife had already decided she was going to cook frozen pizzas for the kids, and she would go pickup some fast food for me. I told her I was upset that she worried more about what the kids wanted to eat, than anyone else. She simply stated you know this is not going to work out, and when we get are finances figured out we need to split up. I was trying to explain how it bothers me she is still sleeping with the daughter every night, at that moment the daughter yelled mom. My wife just walked out of the room in the middle of the conversation and helped my daughter. No more discussion. I went out and got something to eat.


I am not going to bring it up, just plan my exit. Seems to me she should want to discuss the troubles, but if she does not I guess she does not love me as much as I thought.

Racer

I'm no professional or anything, but it really sounds as though your wife hasn't ever recovered from the death of your oldest daughter. She's totally absorbed in the kids. I think you should approach her about some counciling to seek out the answers.

lastinline

I think racer has this one pegged. Have you tried to get her and yourself into any grief counseling. I have 6 kids and couldn't imagine how devastating loosing a child must be. Please, I know it must be terribly hard to feel so unloved, but try not to compound the problem by also loosing your marriage. From what you've wrote, I doubt her major problem is with your relationship. Hang in there. Best of luck. LIL

MEM11363

Is she willling to go to counselling? If so, there is hope. If not, it will be hard for you to fix this without her help.