jasmine

This is a long one but will try and make it as short as possible. I recently moved abroad to north america to join my husband. I orignally lived in the UK. We had long distance relationship for over 3 years and i spent many visits in north america and him in uK. To cut a long story short.. i have now moved to north america to start our lives. Living here has been different to what i expected. I miss my family and friends so much to the point of real depression just being here. Other then my husband i dont know anyone here. I have tried to make friends etc but it has not been as easy as i hoped. Its not just the family thing but just missing the culture etc back home. Here just does not feel like home and beginning to hate it more and more.

Being here has made me realise how much i want me and my husband to move back and i want us to start our family in UK. I want to be close to my family also and feel very isolated here. He does not have all his family where we are currently living and does actually have some family in the UK.

The problem is.. he does not want to leave.. i left it for a few months and tried to bring up the convo again but he is totally against it. Even putting the scenario of being able to stay another year but be planning the move is a no go area. He complains about it taking him so long to even settle where we are now as he orignally not from north america or the uk. It keeps turning into a full blown arguement and i am concerned that this may be in the end.

I just want to leave him.. i feel like i am wasting my time with our future. I am currently seeing counseller as i have been feeling heavily depressed about the whole situation. I have asked him to come and he says he will come soon. If he comes to the uk i just feel like it will not work because he is negative about the whole thing.

i hate my job here and cant wait for the contract to end. I am considering just leaving after that because i dont know how much more i can take. We dont have children thankfully but we do really want a family. With the current situation dont think it will ever happen now. I feel so disappinted, sad i feel like a total failure.

sorry for blabbing on.. just really felt like i needed to share. I feel so lonely with this. I just cant stop crying and thinking that maybe getting married and moving here was the biggest mistake of my life. I partly feel it was my fault as this was my biggest fear... before i came i always put the what if in perspective. What if i dont want to stay? he was always hesitant.. but wanted to believe it would work. So now he is acting like the convo never happened being as happy as ever planning for the future. I think he is in denial.. i just dont know what to do.. so scared.. i really want this marriage to work.