I don't even know what to say

ccollins · 03-16-2008, 04:51 AM

I am so confused, angry, & hurt I don’t know what to do. I had my 1st date w/ my husband in 1999 but decided to stay friends. Around 2004 we started dating again & everything was going fine. We got married in Feb. 2007 & he changed in a matter of months. Before we got married he helped cook & clean but stopped after we got married. Apparently cooking & cleaning was my job even though my commute to & from work was about 4 times longer than his. When he stopped helping around the house he started hanging out a lot. & I was furious because I’m working a full time job & coming home to cook & clean while he was laughing w/ his friends having a beer. So 1 day were arguing about him hanging out & he just walks out. He moves up the street to his grandma’s.

When we talked he would bring up coming back home in the conversation. But it was always “if I come back are you going to act right,” so I never told him it was ok for him to comeback. So we talk off & on for about 3 months & he tells me he’s getting an apartment but he really wants to come home. He uses the same line “if I come home will you act right“. I told him good luck w/ his apartment. So I ask him where his apartment was & he wouldn’t tell me but he’s still saying he wants to come home. So after all this baby please let me come home I ain’t sleeping with nobody crap I decide to look up his address. So I go online & find it. I had tried to call him to talk to him earlier I’m thinking we need to talk to settle this once & for all. Heck I even entertained the thought of him coming home. So I go to his apartment thinking he’ll be happy to see me since he loves me so much & misses me & ain't seeing no one according to him.

But I get to the apartment & the there’s a womans car that lives down the street from me @ his apartment. Before we got married she used to say she was sleeping with him but I took it with a grain of salt she’s a known liar. But then again maybe she was actually telling the truth. Here’s the killer she’s his cousin. I feel like a fool because I actually was thinking about getting back with him. I wanted to go ballistic. Heck I still want to go ballistic. I’m like how can you disregard my feeling like that. We live in a small town I was going to find out sooner or later. I just don’t know how you can do this to someone your supposed to love.

I know her boyfriend should I call him & tell him or let him find out?

Ladies & gentlemen I need some tips to help we cope or work through this situation. The only thing I can come up with is finding a apartment until we get divorced, everywhere I look in my home reminds me of him.

Immortalone · 03-16-2008, 08:31 AM

You say this person is his cousin right? How do you know they were even doing anything. How do you know that her and another familey member had not just stopped by his new apartment for what ever? Now putting that to the side for a bit I would also so that he has some realy old ideas of what a marriage should be. So many people fall in love, get married then start learning who the other person is. Realy seams you should learn who they are first LOL. If you can't deal with his view of how a marriage should be and I don't blame you for that, then I would say the two of you either need to start over and learn about each other. Or, make the split permanent. By what you say here it seams he is pretty set in his ways that the wife does everything around the house and thats not right at all.

ccollins · 03-16-2008, 10:53 AM

it was 2:30 in the morning & there were not lights on no tv nothing. In my small town she is known to sleep with just about anybody cousin or not. But then again after she sleep with her husbands best friend & later moved in with the friend pretty much anything goes with her. Heck she's help break up so many relationships I'm surprise nobody has did serious harm to her.

tater03 · 03-16-2008, 12:53 PM

First of all honestly I wouldn't tell her boyfriend. I just think that is more of a revenge type thing to do which in the end I don't really think will help you to move on. I would say that you are better off because you both have two different ways of looking at how a marriage is. Personally, I think his is outdated. That being said before you up and move I would give it some time and maybe try rearranging things in the house.

Amplexor · 03-17-2008, 06:26 AM

I won’t sugar coat it, he’s a jerk. If he thought that having a wife is some one to cook, clean and ____ whenever he feels like it he needs to grow up and see the real world. The Ward and June Cleaver days are long gone and he needs to accept that. When you wouldn’t bend to his wants he picked up his ball and went home. Then tries make you feel like you are the one that needs to get their head on straight. I know this must hurt like heck but he is not being fair to you. Since there are no children involved, it might be best if you filed and moved on with your life. Also if he really is sleeping with this tramp he’ll get burned in the end. She sounds like a piece of work. Sorry he doesn’t sound like he is worth the effort and doesn’t appear to be putting any of his own into the marriage. I’d say find your strength and move on.

draconis · 03-18-2008, 01:29 AM

DUmp him, get a divorce and find someone that is worthy of your effort. You seem like a strong, smart woman. You don't need him and deserve better.

draconis

stav · 03-18-2008, 04:04 AM

I wouldn't leave the marital home, not till the divorce is sorted out.

I think he has the idea that getting a wife is the same as getting a servant, and those attitudes are hard to shake. What does his family say? Parents etc?

'Act right' bloody cheek.. tell him yup I am doing.. on your bike matey!

ccollins · 03-18-2008, 05:43 AM

Thanks everyone for the help. I told him I would have divorce papers ready to sign Wednesday & I thought he was gonna throw up. I don't think he's going to sign the papers. If he doesn't sign the divorce papers does mean I can't file uncontested or can I file anyway without his signature?

stav
I haven't really talked but 1 of his family members since he moved out. I talk to one of his cousins regularly & she is furious. I actually thought she was gonna jump on him. As far as parents his father died when he was an infant & his mother died when he was a teenager. I'm figuring being partial raised by his grandmother is why he's thinking house work = wife work. As far as the house I owned before we got married so @ least I don't have to worry about that.

Everyone thanks again for listening

CC

Amplexor · 03-18-2008, 06:16 AM

Whether or not you can file uncontested is dependent on the state you live in. Get an attorney to help guide you through this. Do stay in the house until the divorce is final. I’m so sorry your marriage failed but he doesn’t sound like he’s worth the pain and effort to me. Good luck and find some one deserving of a woman like you. Bless

draconis · 03-18-2008, 04:43 PM

What state do you live in?

draconis

ccollins · 03-18-2008, 07:20 PM

Georgia

draconis · 03-19-2008, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ccollins

Georgia

When is an uncontested divorce a bad idea?
If the husband and wife are not on speaking terms, then an uncontested divorce may not work. One of the more important aspects of an uncontested divorce is fluid communication. Both parties must be able to discuss their situation, their assets, their debts, and their children if applicable.
If your relationship is one where you are constantly arguing over how to divide assets and debts, where to send the children to school, or when visitations are to be scheduled, you may want to consider either a contested divorce or a collaborative divorce.
There has been a recent surge in a divorce process that puts litigation aside and facilitates a peaceful and collaborative effort to resolve problems. That process is called collaborative divorce.

DivorceNet - Georgia Divorce Law FAQ's

By Anthony M. Zezima, P.C., Attorney at Law

Published: July 17, 2004
There are 13 grounds for divorce in the State of Georgia (including adultery, cruel treatment, etc.) However, most divorces are granted on the single ground that the marriage is "irretrievably broken." It is not necessary to show any wrongdoing or fault, and this is commonly known as "no-fault" divorce.
There is a 6 month residency requirement for filing a divorce. If you live out of state, you may file against a Georgia resident. There is no legal separation period required, and the divorce may be filed on the date of separation. Also, the parties may be considered separated for the purpose of divorce and still live in the same house.
The divorce could be granted as soon as 30 days after the date of filing. However, a Final Decree of Divorce will not be granted until the parties have resolved all legal issues between them, either by settlement or trial. These issues include custody of children, support, visitation, and all financial issues such as division of assets and liabilities. A divorce could be pending for months or even years until all these issues are resolved. This could be further complicated if one party insists on a trial by jury. In Georgia, either party can demand that a jury decide all issues of a divorce except custody and visitation.

DivorceNet - Divorce

Divorce Attorneys here:

Georgia Divorce Attorneys, Lawyers, and Law Firms

The Petition for Divorce is the initial document filed with the Georgia court. It is in this document that the filing spouse will request the court to terminate the marriage under certain specified grounds.

The granting of a divorce shall be according to one of the following grounds:

No Fault Based Grounds:
(1) The marriage is irretrievably broken. Under this ground the parties will not be granted a divorce until 30 days have lapsed from the time of filing.

Fault Based Grounds:
(1) Intermarriage by persons within the prohibited degrees of consanguinity or affinity; (2) Mental incapacitation; (3) Impotence at the time of getting married; (4) Force, duress and fraud (5) Pregnancy of the wife by a man other than the husband, at the time of the marriage, unknown to the husband; (6) Adultery by either spouse (7) Willful and continued desertion by either of the spouses for the term of 1 year; (8) Conviction of a felony and imprisoned for a term of 2 years or longer; (9) Habitual drunkenness; (10) Cruel treatment; (11) Incurable mental illness. (12) Habitual drug addiction. (Georgia Code - Sections: 19-5-3)

Divorce Support - Georgia Grounds for Divorce

Selecting a Lawyer/Lawyer Referral Services (half way down the page)

State Bar of Georgia - Public Information

More help and info here

LawHelp Know Your Rights search results for Family Law and Domestic Violence > Marriage and Divorce

http://www.cnomy.com/?dn=equaljustic...sBH8CS2g%3D%3D

Pro Bono Work

State Bar of Georgia - Pro Bono Project

Hope these help

draconis

stav · 03-19-2008, 04:27 AM

CC, do you have a Citizens Advice Bureau near you? I don't know if they have these things across the pond. Over here they are places where any person can go and get free advice about all sorts of things, like Divorce, claiming benefits, filling in forms etc. They are staffed by volunteer experts who give up a small amount of time each week to help out.

If you have something similar, then perhaps its worth going in and asking about what you can do about a Divorce, and what your rights are, before getting to the point where you need to pay a lawyer.

Regarding his attitude, with no parents from an early age, he has no role model showing how a loving marriage partnership should be. A grandparent, although loving, will never have shown him how a family works, the give and take involved. Also, if the house is yours, perhaps he feels a little inadequate by the fact you are the stronger better adjusted person, and the provider of the home. A need to assert his masculinity over you by making you do all the menial work as subservient to him.

ccollins · 03-20-2008, 02:08 PM

draconis, thank you so much for the info it really helped.

Stav, I tried the free legal aid but they don't really help w/ divorce anymore. They sent me to a website.

I got him to go sign the papers with me & I couldn't believe we didn't even fight. He actually apologized I was shocked.

I think he is scared to get attached to women. He actually found his mother dead so I'm figuring that is where most of his problems started. I told him I think he needs counseling because even if we aren't together he'll never have a successful relationship if he's scared of getting attached. I just can't believe his family never got him counseling. But then again I really the only solid family he's got his grandma is more worried about his paycheck than him & he doesn't have brothers & sisters. I think I actually feel sorry for him because if he continues the way he is he's going to be a very lonely man.

CC

stav · 03-21-2008, 10:37 AM

Don't fall into the trap of feeling sorry for him, and then not being able to go through with what you need to do for your own wellbeing.

A shame that you don't have the same service we have over here regarding help. Sometimes just talking through the options with these people can help you see things clearer.