tell me i am on the right path

notstrong · 03-16-2008, 08:20 PM

There is no trust.
He is even reading this, thanks to his key logger program he put on the computer. He doesn't trust me. I don't trust him.
I have always been second when it comes to him. For 11 years. And just when I am fed up and can't do anymore, he decides it is time to change. My heart tells me it is because he is comfortable being here. He doesn't want to change, he will just do what he needs to keep his comfort zone.
He has asked me for divorce in the past, but only to change his mind when his girlfriend dumped him.
I drew my line in this marriage when one too many dating sites that he had accounts on finally met him a match. I read his email with him setting up a meeting with another woman. I have been unable to trust him, and my feelings of love and respect have disappeared. I have asked for a divorce.
We have gone to counseling, although I think it has done a lot to help him realize many things about himself, I think it has done nothing for the marriage. The counselor suggested since I was so interested in what he was doing online, he should look into what I do online. So now he doesn't trust me.
We have a 5yo and I am so worried about the implications this will have on her. I dread her thinking it is her fault, as I know many children do.
So I am afraid and anxious. I know I can make it on my own. I know that for my own sanity that I must get myself back. I need to stand on my feet, know that I am strong, and not put up with this.
But I keep thinking maybe i should keep trying for my daughters sake. Maybe he could change. Although my heart tells me it would only be temporary.
Advice?

Immortalone · 03-17-2008, 08:15 AM

I went through alot of what you are saying about your daughter. When I look back now I relize I did my kids more harm by staying in a marriage that I knew would not work. They grew up with the wrong concept of what love and marriage is. They grew up seeing us not talking, not holding hands, not loving each other. Wish I could go back and change all of that.

draconis · 03-17-2008, 05:59 PM

I grew up with parents that were not close to one another. I wished they had been divorced. Staying together for a child normally does very little for the child. Although I can atleast give you kudos for putting your child first as it should be.

Take care of yourself. Improve yourself. Make yourself happy.

draconis