When he/she says that they've never loved you

magmag · 12-03-2009, 04:56 PM

What do you do at that point? Do you even try? I mean you can't make someone love you so what's the point.

My husband recently realized that he doesn't love me "in that way" and never has. In the back of his mind he's always considered our relationship more of a friendship but just recently even admitted it to himself.

We are supposed to start marriage counseling next week but I don't even know if it's worth the effort anymore.

I think I've been going through all the grief emotions and I've finally reached the acceptance stage.

I really truly love him with all my heart and I always thought that he felt the same. I'm just asking for any advice anyone has to give.

Thank you

Atholk · 12-03-2009, 05:03 PM

It's more than likely not true. Many partners completely rewrite their entire history of the relationship when they decide they want out.

It's a cunning line actually, intended to make you feel actually a little sorry for the poor man trapped in a relationship with someone he didn't truly love for all these years. You're meant to feel that you are the crazy one, not that he's being a complete tool for just walking out on you.

You know, it just a line, like... if you truly loved someone, you would set them free. (and perhaps not sue them)

jessi · 12-11-2009, 01:57 PM

try the marriage counselling maybe a 3rd point of view will bring out the truths, I think people say a lot of things they don't mean in this kind of situation. At least you will know and won't have to question what really is true, if it's true, brush yourself off and move forward if there is something to work on you will know, just be honest and see if you can get to the truth.......good luck

Weathered · 12-18-2009, 10:26 PM

Hi there.
Just wondering what has come of the counselling sessions thus far.
This is a common story I've heard, and one even in my own marriage.
One thing I've noticed in my own marriage is that my W wants to 'feel' like she's in love just as we were when first married. An immature yardstick of intimacy, but it was the reality for her.

Now she still shows remnants of this attitude but it does seem she is working her way out of it. It still rears its ugly head even now.

So take heart and work through the deeper issues first before giving up.