Quote:
Originally Posted by Gar888
Hi I posted here over a year ago I think about my wife who was having an emotional affair well it turned out to be a sexual affair. I only found out because he kept pictures of the two of them in a motel room that his wife found and told me. She is very remorseful but they still work together. She will not quit her job ...she was offered a job in the same department for more money but turned it down because she would actually have to work hard and wouldn't have time to take calls from the kids or me. Of course she also wouldn't have time to run off to the mall or a close by park or the Holiday Inn either. Anyway she doesn't go out after work anymore and says she doesn't talk to him unless she has to for work, who really knows. I just feel anger . and resentment. To me this hasn't cost her anything although I know she feels the loss of my respect. But no one knows that is close to us. Some people she works with know but they all saw it taking place but none of our family knows. I don't want them to know because I don't want her to lose their respect for her. She only wronged me. My dilema is this we never separated and have put on a good show for the kids who are adults. but I feel like she is with me because of an obligation. She never was very sexually aggressive with me actually she never brought much to the table in that regard. and yet she wanted this other guy. I feel in my mind that if we had separated and it was out in the open she would have moved on because I think the only thing keeping her with me is that she wants to avoid her own embarrassment. I know she loves me and cares for me but I've never felt she lusted for me and it hurts to know she did lust for another man. What do I do?
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Do you still love your woman? Do you want to heal the betrayal and move on? Do you want your woman to burn sexually for you, like she did for this other man, and also in risking everything for this other man? Do you feel threatened and somewhat jealous of this other man and wonder why it is that you are not even seeing this sexual side of your wife and maybe he did?
You can answer if you want, but it is most likely I know the answers are all "yes".
If you have time to read my profile, to see at this time 75 posts and to pick almost any of them will deal with this same issue: How a marriage will either flourish, or wither and die, because a man is, or is not, keeping his woman sexually attracted to him!
You say your woman was not sexually aggresive with you. How about a more important question, where you never sexually aggressive with her? If she was in the arms of another man then I already know the answer and so do you!
A man that is not dominant sexually to a woman is telling her emotionally that she is not desirable to him, and he is not the man to pursue her. When a woman feels this way, whether it is the facts or not, it is just a matter of time before she will find a man that will light her fire.
Here are the facts:
1. A woman's sexual drive is just as strong as a man's, and will actually increase as she gets older. If this is not true in any marriage, the problem needs to be identified and FIXED!
2. A woman is not going to be lukewarm to a man. She is either to burn mighty for him sexually, or she is to resent him and when that happens the time for affairs is at hand. A woman may "like" a man, so much as it is even called "lets just be friends", but no matter how hard she may want to, she simply will not be sexually attracted to a man that is not dominant to her.
3. A woman will be irrestibly sexually attracted to the dominant man. This is the man that is control of himself and his environment. This is very important fact. This is the man that is confident and knows what he wants in life and is the man to pursue it, even to the point of letting the woman know this is how it is. When a good man wants to make his woman burn fiercely for him, this is his goal, to be the dominant man. This is uttermost sexually actrive to a woman, and will make a happily married man.
4. A woman will resent a "weak man". This is the man that is not in control of himself and his environment. This is the man that is not in control of his temper, his addictions, his career, his physique. Also this the man that is not taking ownership of the emotional and sexual responsiblities of his marriage. This is the man that is appeasing the woman, bribing her for sex, begging her for sex, being the "nice guy", and the one who is only happy when his woman "lets" him be happy. This is not sexually attractive to a woman, and is miserable for a married man and will make him wish for the day of his death.
So the point is this: If you are wanting to save your marriage, then you must be more the man that your woman's other man. Even twice or three times this man.
Tell your woman how YOU feel.
Tell your woman what YOU want.
Be the man to make it happen, and so much the man that your woman sees you will be happy either with her or without her (even if she is feeling this way regardless of your goals) then she will burn mightily for you and this other man will be left in the dust.
I wish you well.
Was So shocked
