LuvMyH

I am one of five sisters and we all love each other dearly. There is one I have always been really close to- the others call us the Bobbsy Twins. I called her when I found out about my H's affair and talked and cried to her while I packed my things to leave. My husband convinced me to return and work things out. The first couple of months weren't easy and I had two "volcanic eruptions" when my H called my sister to come over and talk to me. So, basically, she saw me when I was really distraught and was there to calm me when nothing my H said or did would work. I love her so much for that, but now things seem different between us. I know that part of it is that I've been so focussed on my H, we haven't spent time together like we used to and part of it has to do with her disappointment in me for staying in my marriage. In October, the three of us went on a road trip to go to a U2 concert and there were a few times when I noticed her look at my H and the expression on her face made it clear to me that she will tolerate him for me , but that is it.
I've talked to her about how I don't completely blame him- we both made a lot of mistakes. I'm wondering what I can do to get them to be more comfortable around each other. My H loves her like his own sister (even though he thinks she's a bit of a brat) and I know it bothers him that she treats him differently now. With Christmas coming up, I'd really like for things to get back to normal between all three of us. Suggestions?

mommy2

Luv,

I can relate. I am one of 3 sisters, that are very close & I told one of my sisters the morning I found out because I needed to see if she could watch my son since she was on maternity leave and the OW watched my son the days he wasn't at nursery school. In many ways I wished I hadn't because like your sis - she is having a hard time with my H.

I, too, think my sis partially is appalled that I stayed with him. But like you, I took take some of the blame because of my actions in our marriage. She says she gets that but that he had no right to do what he did, etc. I get her anger as well, I am her sister, whom she loves and her natural protective instincts kick in!

My sister is doing pretty good for the most part. My H apologized to her for hurting her. (I wasn't aware he was doing this nor was I around) She later told me and said she didn't really say anything. She is still mad but wants me to be happy, etc.

So, my only advice is to just give her time. Your H can just continue to make sure your marriage is rebuilt and thriving. Hopefully over time, she will be able to let go of some of her anger and she will see how committed & happy the two of you are. That will hopefully help her heal your H's betrayal to her. In the meantime, probably don't have your H go overboard, you know. Trying desperately to seek her approval - that may just anger or annoy her. Sorry, I don't know your sister but I know mine and if my H was trying too hard, it would annoy her! LOL

Good Luck - I hope the holidays are happy for you all!