Spark? - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2009, 11:53 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 49

My H told me that he felt like we don't have a 'spark' anymore? A little history, been married 9 years together 11. I found out in Oct. that he had a EA and PA, we are working on it. He told me that he loves me and so on...
Is there any way to salvage this? How can we get that spark back?

And please, I really don't need any negative feedback, that is not why I post Indian Princess...stay away!

can'tbelieveit is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2009, 03:42 PM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Near Chicago
Posts: 3,278
Re: Spark?

IndianPrincess has been banned for obvious reasons so no worries there!

I think that is the scary part with EA/PA's because meeting someone new that you have a sexual attraction to gives you those butterfly feelings...fireworks, etc. I think the book The 5 Love Languages explains those feelings & also the deeper feelings in longer term relationships.

I think what has helped in our marriage is to retain a certain amount of independence...if you are happy and confident when he is not around...doing things you love...making yourself look nice even if you have no big plans....just to feel good about helps with the way he will see you.

Also, if you can be sexually playful, flirty....initiate, try new things...that may help.

Do you do date night with him? It's fun to go out as a couple (we do it once a week at least) and just talk about fun things....not kids, bills, etc. but sexual fantasies....gossip in the news...whatever...guess what color underwear I'm wearing...that's a fun one


No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
swedish is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2009, 07:03 PM
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,539
Re: Spark?

Try surprises. In the bedroom and out. Also spend as much time together as you can concentrating on filling each others needs. Good luck.
Initfortheduration is offline  
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2009, 09:56 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 212
Re: Spark?

I agree. The excitement part of back when it all was new is exciting. Try to recreate that. We do alot of flirting via text now. It's very fun & easy to send something during the day. We are also trying to do the date night thing - it means alot. We have always been all about the kids since they were born and never went out very much without them unless it was with other couples - never just by ourselves. I now know that's very important. Also, being confident sexually and willing to be creative and try new things.
mommy2 is offline  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-31-2009, 07:51 AM
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 819
Re: Spark?

Try all the foreplay outside of the bedroom the little things, the little touch, the little kiss, an email. Looking great, smelling great, the sexy little smiles durning the day, by the time you get to the bedroom at night he will have thought about you all day and be more than eager to spend time with you. Do some activitiy together, even it is a stroll in the neighbourhood, hand in hand. things like that, rekindle the feelings of falling in love again
good luck it should be fun
jessi is offline  
post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-31-2009, 07:52 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 49
Re: Spark?

Thanks for the feedback everyone...I am going to start doing all of the above suggestions ASAP!!!! I'm kinda excited about it!
can'tbelieveit is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Igniting the Spark nwguy111 Sex in Marriage 17 11-16-2012 12:36 AM
Need to get the spark back anon1 General Relationship Discussion 4 02-10-2012 07:46 AM
Lost the Spark inneedof The Ladies' Lounge 2 05-23-2011 02:57 PM
Marriage Spark unreal General Relationship Discussion 5 04-02-2011 04:35 PM
The spark is gone. unhappywife Sex in Marriage 5 11-16-2009 06:01 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome