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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-30-2009, 11:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Spark?

My H told me that he felt like we don't have a 'spark' anymore? A little history, been married 9 years together 11. I found out in Oct. that he had a EA and PA, we are working on it. He told me that he loves me and so on...
Is there any way to salvage this? How can we get that spark back?

And please, I really don't need any negative feedback, that is not why I post here...so Indian Princess...stay away!
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spark?

IndianPrincess has been banned for obvious reasons so no worries there!

I think that is the scary part with EA/PA's because meeting someone new that you have a sexual attraction to gives you those butterfly feelings...fireworks, etc. I think the book The 5 Love Languages explains those feelings & also the deeper feelings in longer term relationships.

I think what has helped in our marriage is to retain a certain amount of independence...if you are happy and confident when he is not around...doing things you love...making yourself look nice even if you have no big plans....just to feel good about yourself...it helps with the way he will see you.

Also, if you can be sexually playful, flirty....initiate, try new things...that may help.

Do you do date night with him? It's fun to go out as a couple (we do it once a week at least) and just talk about fun things....not kids, bills, etc. but sexual fantasies....gossip in the news...whatever...guess what color underwear I'm wearing...that's a fun one
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Old 12-30-2009, 07:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spark?

Try surprises. In the bedroom and out. Also spend as much time together as you can concentrating on filling each others needs. Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2009, 09:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spark?

I agree. The excitement part of back when it all was new is exciting. Try to recreate that. We do alot of flirting via text now. It's very fun & easy to send something during the day. We are also trying to do the date night thing - it means alot. We have always been all about the kids since they were born and never went out very much without them unless it was with other couples - never just by ourselves. I now know that's very important. Also, being confident sexually and willing to be creative and try new things.
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Old 12-31-2009, 07:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spark?

Try all the foreplay outside of the bedroom the little things, the little touch, the little kiss, an email. Looking great, smelling great, the sexy little smiles durning the day, by the time you get to the bedroom at night he will have thought about you all day and be more than eager to spend time with you. Do some activitiy together, even it is a stroll in the neighbourhood, hand in hand. things like that, rekindle the feelings of falling in love again
good luck it should be fun
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Old 12-31-2009, 07:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for the feedback everyone...I am going to start doing all of the above suggestions ASAP!!!! I'm kinda excited about it!
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