If you hear your gut screaming pay attention.
Be sure her coffe afternoon girly chats are indeed what she claims to be, instead of boundarie crossing GNOs.
Find out where's her mind, specially about the new - dropped from earth - new male coworker.
Trust your gut. If only more of us would have done it instead of believing in 'love is forever'.
Place a VAR in her car, monitor Facebook, email, and her phone. If possible hire a PI.
Trust only her actions, not her words.
Girly chats is a lie. Nobody even talks like that, except when they use it in a lie.
If there was such a thing as "girly" chats - and there is, but no one calls them that - the chats are about guys they are romantically interested in. But your wife is not having "girly" chats. She's talking to this guy.
Workers will sometimes meet after work - mostly to vent about work. If so, your wife would tell you that she stayed late to talk about problems at work. She wouldn't try to tell you they were "girly" chats.
These so-called "girly" chats are with female co-workers who your wife won't even be Facebook friends with. Use your common sense. There's no way your wife is staying after work to have "girly" chats with the other women in the office who she won't even be Facebook friends with.
I agree with the common suspicions in all of the replies due to the red flags. But I think a more low key approach may be called for. It is entirely possible nothing is going on, and I think it is possible she is maybe feeling some dissatisfaction in her life and perhaps seeking some independent girl time with female friends.
Like the member here who read his wife's diary and discovered she is unhappy but not in an affair, this may turn out to be an innocent and very positive turning point in your marriage.
Still, it is wise to be alert and to not ignore possible warning signs. I like the idea of doing some research. Definitely check the cell bill going back 12 months. Get some history and trends. Is there a recent spike in text messaging? Is she making calls to one number a lot, or at odd hours?
Check her phone for chats, messages, and apps.
A keylogger on the computer makes sense.
I would not VAR her car yet because it doesn't seem like there is much cause. If she were to find out about it, the downside is pretty big. So I would wait on this one myself.
I would find a safe time to carefully search her car. Look under the seats, in the various pockets and bins, behind the sun visors, in the glove box, inside boxes and envelopes. Just to see if there are any goodies like condoms or a second cell phone.
Similarly search her purse. Be sure to put everything back precisely how you found it!
This is a good opportunity for you to do a little self examination to see if there are ways you can improve yourself. Not because your faults would be to blame for her stepping out of the marriage, but because we are all imperfect. Maybe you can eat healthier, get exercise more regularly, and improve your wardrobe some. Maybe you can turn off the f'n tv and have a real conversation with your wife at dinner time.
If there is nothing untoward going on between your wife and this guy, any improvements you make can only help. If she has already started sleeping with the entire local sports league, your improvements will serve you well in your next relationships.
You are right to be concerned. Some investigation is in order as others have suggested.
If you get anything that proves an affair, do not have a knee jerk reaction and confront her. Instead gather the information and think this through so that you act wisely. WS's usually lie up a storm and try to deny any evident the BS has. So you need to have very solid information.
If you can afford a PI who follow her and photographs what she is doing, that's another very good way to get solid info.
Of course if he could get onto her fb and look at that...
Disagree. If she is breaking a no fb friends from work rule for a male she is interested. The var may literally allow him to c0ckblock his wife taking what may well be a budding EA into a PA.
I think this is judgement call based on his level of probable cause. From just what he has written I would not place the VAR, but I can see how others would. But if there is anything else such as phone or text activity then I would certainly go to a VAR.
I like best the idea of downloading her entire FB history. He can see every message that has gone to/from this guy.
He confronted only with odd texting, an odd purchase, and her being downtown. All easily shot down and he was.
She went underground and it was six weeks of misery later that he finally was able to confront with court admissible proof. It seems likely had he waited and come here first it would have taken about two weeks instead.