Men are absolutely biologically programmed to have sex in this situation.
You're out of your mind. There's all kinds of atavistic things we're "programmed" to do, but we don't do them because that's the social contract. You can be some 6-foot-4 beefed-up SOB, but if you punch a clock for the combine, and the combine is represented by some evil-tempered little paunchy guy, you don't pound him flat the way you might have done if you were both in cavemen times. You say yes-sir-how-high because these are modern times and we have conventions that set us apart from the savage, and consequences for breaking those conventions.
That is exactly what I'm saying. You're pretty much ignoring biology completely if you disagree that that is a strong factor in human sexuality.
And yes women do have a long history of sneaking off to get better genes from partners other than their husband. It's called cuckholding.
One of the marvels of the modern age is that there is always some new loudmouth who uses Charles Darwin as justification for everything from marital infidelity to concentration camps, and he always seems to find some audience of dumb bunnies who will swallow it. What separates man from beast is the moral imperative, and those who turn their back on it, do so of their own free will. No excuses.
I dont know about other women but when i was single the first thing i looked at in a guy i liked was a wedding ring. that to me signaled a no go area.
That is the moral imperative in action. Can't think of a better example.
Try and think of it this way. If I walked up to you with a bag of money and asked for sex, how much money would I have to take out of the bag before you caved and agreed. $10... $100... $1000, $5,000, $25,000, $50,000, $120,000.... etc etc. At some point 99% of women are just going to cave and agree once their "screw the morals, I'm taking the money" price is met.
Do you sell this horsepucky for a living? The difference is that with a pile of money, there's something you might want to do with it. It doesn't end with the getting of it. Some people might identify with screwing for a million bucks, some people might be horrified by it, but it remains that the center is a goal that transcends the act that brought you there. A drunken screw begins and ends in that same useless place.
That may mean he cannot sleep apart from you, or if he does he has to check in with you by phone or something, maybe he can't drink without you present.
That's the first sensible thing you've said. Maybe you should stick with that.
Cyp10: What you want to do is throw him out neat and tell him after all consideration, you currently feel like you married a space alien and just found out. Don't take him to your mother's, you don't want him around your family. Stop looking for explanations to whitewash his behavior. Get your own perspective as your own person and make your own move. The more power you have, the less those thoughts of him sticking it where it didn't belong will bother you.