The lawyer also told me if I piss her off and she decides to leave with the kids then 9 times out of 10 I can't stop her. She's the mother and is considered the nurturing parent so I'd have to file an emergency injuction and it will get ugly fast. That's her only play so it's a cold war standoff in my mind.
Some of that is true - Dont piss her off until it is a last resort
Get your shizz together - if she leaves w/o the kids it can be bad for her, if she leaves with the kids it can still be bad for her!
Which brings the point I brought up - dont leave the house, dont give in! Carry on about your business and get your ducks in a row!
Kicking her out is not an option as she is likely to take the kids, leaving is not an option because she could claim abandonment - Even if it needs 6 months to legally be considered as such! The simple fact you are leaving your marital home can cost you a lot of grief and time with your kids.
Also keep in mind that adultery is cause for an "at fault" divorce and even though some states do not recognize it, if you play your cards properly some judges will see the wrong and treat it as such giving you at least a better position with him.
When you file first you get to set yourt terms!
Ask that the kids remain in the marital home with you, and leave her the option to stay or go!
Make sure a morality clause is there and above it all make it clear that the other dude is not allowed in your house at any time.
its sort of like a chess match - you make your move first adn wait to see what her move is, but overall having the first go at setting the rules is HUGE!