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post #16 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:34 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I think the lawyer is saying you bargain non-exposure in hopes of a settlement well in your favor as far as estate and custody goes. If she so much as twitches you go nuclear, and after it was all signed and done the OMW would still find out somehow if it was me


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post #17 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by GTdad View Post
While she's in lala land with the POSOM, planning their future and picking out curtains and maybe, just maybe, feeling a little guilt about you, push the divorce through like a greased rocket sled. Hope their relationship lasts long enough for the divorce to become final.
LOL, that's exactly where her head is at. Amazing how the pattern of betrayal is always so similar... She's a fool for buying into his crap and I am for giving her the benefit of the doubt all these years.

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 08-08-2013 at 03:51 PM.
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post #18 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:36 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I would tell the OW however that is me !!! damn the consequences or threats , you could post them on cheaterville anonymously. I would also separate your funds before i did it , like open a separate checking acct under your name only then spring it on her more than likely she will just lie to ya anyway thats what she has been doing so far. We teach people how to treat us I believe set your boundaries and go for it you have nothing to lose at this point

Good Luck
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post #19 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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I think the lawyer is saying you bargain non-exposure in hopes of a settlement well in your favor as far as estate and custody goes. If she so much as twitches you go nuclear, and after it was all signed and done the OMW would still find out somehow if it was me
This appears to be my only play. Although, I REALLY want to blow it up now...
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post #20 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:38 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I hope i am not too late...

Dont do anything dumb! If you play your cards right, you will come out on top of all this!

1. Separate your finances RIGHT NOW - Create a separate bank account!
2. DO NOT leave your house - it will get rough but stand your ground if you want to avoid getting screwed
3. Record conversations - record any violent outbursts and any arguments where she is treating you like a jerk
4. Get her out of your life/medical/auto insurance if possible
5. Remove her access to all credit line that is in your name
6. Change your email, work email, messenger apps, ipad... every single password she may know!
7. GET A LAWYER and FILE FIRST!

At this point there should be little if any emotional attachment going on on your side, she has obviously lost the feelings she once had and you cannot let that get the best of you.

Under no circumstances:
1. Be rude to her - let her show the bad attitude, rudeness, etc...
2. Have sexual intercourse with her - once the divorce proceedings are in place and if she is vindictive she can cause you a WHOLE lot of trouble for a night of stupidity on your part.

The whole point now is that if she is cheating on you, then she is having her cake and eating it too - The moment you shatter her little fantasy, she will turn on you and rip your world apart worse than she already has.


=============

I hate to sound like a woman hater lol (believe me i love women!) but a scorned woman is something to be scared of lol

=============

I was in your situation
Married
2 young kids
house, car, cat, dog, debt...

Wife wanted a divorce but i was ready for her this time - i will simply leave it at that.

I currently have temporary custody of my kids as we finalize proceedings and while she filed first i got my wits about me early on and have so far come out on top of all of this!

If you are looking for custody
Keep in mind that nowdays the whole thing about men not being able to raise their kids properly is nothing but old school mentality! you helped make those kids and if you feel that you are a better option for them then fight for your chance - the playing field has been leveled as of the last few years and a Divorce is no longer an agreement as to how bad the man gets screwed!
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post #21 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:44 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I would be slow to tell Company HR - What outcome are you hoping for - that he'd be fired? His wife just had a baby - why put her under financial pressure - let her report him to his employer if she wants to. If you're hoping that your W will lose her job - well won't that mean that it will cost you more in a settlement? Calm clear thinking is paramount. Good luck
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post #22 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:44 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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This appears to be my only play. Although, I REALLY want to blow it up now...
Hell, I get that. It's a matter of determining what your primary goals are, though. For me it would be 1) at least 50-50 custody and 2) minimizing any financial impact. Anything else would be way down the list.

Now, I might be tempted to let on to your stbxw that you just might have to fill the OMW in on what's going on if this divorce doesn't go through quickly and on favorable terms (and then tell her anyways once you've gotten what you want), but you know your wife and how to play that card better than we do. Just don't let the desire for immediate gratification make it harder to obtain your long-term goals.
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post #23 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

The lawyer also told me if I piss her off and she decides to leave with the kids then 9 times out of 10 I can't stop her. She's the mother and is considered the nurturing parent so I'd have to file an emergency injuction and it will get ugly fast. That's her only play so it's a cold war standoff in my mind.
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post #24 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:58 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Follow your lawyer's advice. Nobody buys a dog only to bark themselves.
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post #25 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:59 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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The lawyer also told me if I piss her off and she decides to leave with the kids then 9 times out of 10 I can't stop her. She's the mother and is considered the nurturing parent so I'd have to file an emergency injuction and it will get ugly fast. That's her only play so it's a cold war standoff in my mind.
Some of that is true - Dont piss her off until it is a last resort

Get your shizz together - if she leaves w/o the kids it can be bad for her, if she leaves with the kids it can still be bad for her!

Which brings the point I brought up - dont leave the house, dont give in! Carry on about your business and get your ducks in a row!

Kicking her out is not an option as she is likely to take the kids, leaving is not an option because she could claim abandonment - Even if it needs 6 months to legally be considered as such! The simple fact you are leaving your marital home can cost you a lot of grief and time with your kids.

Also keep in mind that adultery is cause for an "at fault" divorce and even though some states do not recognize it, if you play your cards properly some judges will see the wrong and treat it as such giving you at least a better position with him.

When you file first you get to set yourt terms!

Ask that the kids remain in the marital home with you, and leave her the option to stay or go!

Make sure a morality clause is there and above it all make it clear that the other dude is not allowed in your house at any time.

its sort of like a chess match - you make your move first adn wait to see what her move is, but overall having the first go at setting the rules is HUGE!

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post #26 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 04:02 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Listen to yor lawyer. Protect your assets and access to your kids.

Expose her after the settlement is done. You owe her no loyalty then.

Expose posom to his wife then as well. He has no consideration for you. Show him none in return. If he gets fired he can start job hunting.
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post #27 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 04:02 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I would not tell HR if I were you. If she gets fired it could go wrong for you in alimony or child support for you. Remember Turds of a Feather Fvck Together.

Let them lie in there own crap. There are different theories for how to deal with the children. I have to say that I have been honest with mine and although I pay a huge amount of child support and only have joint custody, my relationship is much better with them than their mother's is. Be honest with them and if they ask a really hard question, answer it honestly.
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post #28 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 04:04 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

If you catch her in adultery, you can have an upper hand in court. It needs to be proven. Otherwise you could get booted from your own house. Consider a PI.
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post #29 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 04:06 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Tell his wife but forget about HR let her do it if she wants jmo.
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post #30 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 04:07 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Why do you think for even a second that she's not going to demand and fight for everything, regardless of you exposing or not?

Almost every guy who thinks he's going to be nice and get a good deal finds out that not only is their wife cheating, but she also feels entitled to the kids , spousal support, the house, and half the money.

Carlton played this game just like you, and it didn't give him any advantage at the table - his wife still demanded everything and the kids.

Right now she feels strong and supported bupy her OM. Someone who feels strong and confident is always bad to negotiate with.

Btw, attorneys often advise against exposure etc, not because it makes their clients case stronger, but because it makes the lawyers job easier to do without fighting and drama. They just want a fast clean legal process, whereas you might have other goals.
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