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post #31 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:07 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mygirlsaremylifenow View Post
I hope i am not too late...

Dont do anything dumb! If you play your cards right, you will come out on top of all this!

1. Separate your finances RIGHT NOW - Create a separate bank account!
2. DO NOT leave your house - it will get rough but stand your ground if you want to avoid getting screwed
3. Record conversations - record any violent outbursts and any arguments where she is treating you like a jerk
4. Get her out of your life/medical/auto insurance if possible
5. Remove her access to all credit line that is in your name
6. Change your email, work email, messenger apps, ipad... every single password she may know!
7. GET A LAWYER and FILE FIRST!

At this point there should be little if any emotional attachment going on on your side, she has obviously lost the feelings she once had and you cannot let that get the best of you.

Under no circumstances:
1. Be rude to her - let her show the bad attitude, rudeness, etc...
2. Have sexual intercourse with her - once the divorce proceedings are in place and if she is vindictive she can cause you a WHOLE lot of trouble for a night of stupidity on your part.

The whole point now is that if she is cheating on you, then she is having her cake and eating it too - The moment you shatter her little fantasy, she will turn on you and rip your world apart worse than she already has.


=============

I hate to sound like a woman hater lol (believe me i love women!) but a scorned woman is something to be scared of lol

=============

I was in your situation
Married
2 young kids
house, car, cat, dog, debt...

Wife wanted a divorce but i was ready for her this time - i will simply leave it at that.

I currently have temporary custody of my kids as we finalize proceedings and while she filed first i got my wits about me early on and have so far come out on top of all of this!

If you are looking for custody
Keep in mind that nowdays the whole thing about men not being able to raise their kids properly is nothing but old school mentality! you helped make those kids and if you feel that you are a better option for them then fight for your chance - the playing field has been leveled as of the last few years and a Divorce is no longer an agreement as to how bad the man gets screwed!
Although for the most part this is good advice, talk to your lawyer before jumping to any decisions. What is stated above is not true for all states and conditions. In my state, it is fine to have sex with the WS, but if you say you forgive them, then it is a whole different ball game and the adultery is considered a moot point. Also, just because custody has become more progressive, not all states follow that premise and it could end up causing big issues in the end. My state still makes adultery a criminal offense, as well as a grounds for immediate denial of alimony in divorces. It also allows for lawsuits against the AP. You need to sit down and cover all of your bases with your lawyer. It will cost you some of his time (and your money to cover his time) but it is better to know in advance because if she is vindictive, there is no do over granted.

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post #32 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by MovingAhead View Post
If you catch her in adultery, you can have an upper hand in court. It needs to be proven. Otherwise you could get booted from your own house. Consider a PI.
I already have concrete proof but my attorney told me unless she was spending marital assets on him (he buys the hotel rooms) or having an undue influence on my kids (they have never met him) then there is no benefit in using adultery other than being a longer road.

Apparently in my state you can be considered a bad wife but a good mom. How f***ed up is that???
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post #33 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:16 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I already have concrete proof but my attorney told me unless she was spending marital assets on him (he buys the hotel rooms) or having an undue influence on my kids (they have never met him) then there is no benefit in using adultery other than being a longer road.

Apparently in my state you can be considered a bad wife but a good mom. How f***ed up is that???
Sadly, that is a widespread problem lol
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post #34 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:20 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
They'll know it was me... Unless I wait until the divorce is over but that could take 3-4 months.
The answer is a simple one. Get someone else to do the job. Who give a damn if they know it was you. In court, its not what you know, its what the evidence shows. Getting the dirt out on these two, while keeping your own hands clean, would be a cake walk.

Last edited by ThePheonix; 08-08-2013 at 08:38 PM.
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post #35 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:26 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Make sure you serve her at work and let the omw now on the same day kind of a 2 for 1 deal.
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Last edited by tom67; 08-08-2013 at 03:39 PM.
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post #36 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:28 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Why do you think for even a second that she's not going to demand and fight for everything, regardless of you exposing or not?

Almost every guy who thinks he's going to be nice and get a good deal finds out that not only is their wife cheating, but she also feels entitled to the kids , spousal support, the house, and half the money.

Carlton played this game just like you, and it didn't give him any advantage at the table - his wife still demanded everything and the kids.

Right now she feels strong and supported bupy her OM. Someone who feels strong and confident is always bad to negotiate with.

Btw, attorneys often advise against exposure etc, not because it makes their clients case stronger, but because it makes the lawyers job easier to do without fighting and drama. They just want a fast clean legal process, whereas you might have other goals.
This!


Obviously TAM represents a skewed sample but I have seen very few, if any cases, where when the chips are down the wayward spouse goes easy on the betrayed spouse.

Shaggy mentioned Carlton but straight off the top of my head I can think of Eric whose wife was super sorry and didn't want anything but changed her tune as the divorce loomed.

I'm not saying to ignore the lawyers advice, that after all is what you pay them for.

Just take heed of Shaggy's post.
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post #37 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:34 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I'd try to take the easy road, but if she got nasty i'd blow the A up.

I'd have the papers ready at the MC to start pushing the D ASAP.
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post #38 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by Ovid View Post
I'd try to take the easy road, but if she got nasty i'd blow the A up.

I'd have the papers ready at the MC to start pushing the D ASAP.
That was the plan. Just don't want to be accused of blackmail either....
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post #39 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:38 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Why do you think for even a second that she's not going to demand and fight for everything, regardless of you exposing or not?

Almost every guy who thinks he's going to be nice and get a good deal finds out that not only is their wife cheating, but she also feels entitled to the kids , spousal support, the house, and half the money.

Carlton played this game just like you, and it didn't give him any advantage at the table - his wife still demanded everything and the kids.

Right now she feels strong and supported bupy her OM. Someone who feels strong and confident is always bad to negotiate with.

Btw, attorneys often advise against exposure etc, not because it makes their clients case stronger, but because it makes the lawyers job easier to do without fighting and drama. They just want a fast clean legal process, whereas you might have other goals.
Shaggy's dead on. Coming from a guy who divorced a woman who cheated on him and then tried to ramrod me in court as well. Being the "nice"/"fair"/"reasonable" person with a cheater in divorce court...is an oxymoron.

It doesn't mean your attorney's advice isn't sound though for the very thing that Shaggy says at the end that is bolded.

Unfortunately, the adultery means squat diddly in court. With that being said, get the divorce done as quickly and as easily as possible. It's impossible to heal while you're still married and going through a divorce. You regain yourself after the divorce is final so get it over with quickly.

There is also something to be said about the STBXW being in happy land versus if the OM just dumped her and she blames you. She'll intentionally try to screw you if you took her "honey boo" away.

My suggestion would be to get the divorce over and then go nuclear.

The more posts I read.
The more I love my wife!
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post #40 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:41 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Forgot to mention this but get tested for STDs I would say that is kind of important.

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post #41 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:43 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

One thing is for sure her lover/boss will be shyting in his pants when she get's served at work.
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post #42 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:45 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by WyshIknew View Post
This!


Obviously TAM represents a skewed sample but I have seen very few, if any cases, where when the chips are down the wayward spouse goes easy on the betrayed spouse.

Shaggy mentioned Carlton but straight off the top of my head I can think of Eric whose wife was super sorry and didn't want anything but changed her tune as the divorce loomed.

I'm not saying to ignore the lawyers advice, that after all is what you pay them for.

Just take heed of Shaggy's post.
Eric is a perfect example of not exposing and still had to pay and the om gets promoted and moves away. That was sad!
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post #43 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:50 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I would listen to my attorney and later take care of both of them with HR. How did you catch her?
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post #44 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:53 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by Dad&Hubby View Post
Shaggy's dead on. Coming from a guy who divorced a woman who cheated on him and then tried to ramrod me in court as well. Being the "nice"/"fair"/"reasonable" person with a cheater in divorce court...is an oxymoron.

It doesn't mean your attorney's advice isn't sound though for the very thing that Shaggy says at the end that is bolded.

Unfortunately, the adultery means squat diddly in court. With that being said, get the divorce done as quickly and as easily as possible. It's impossible to heal while you're still married and going through a divorce. You regain yourself after the divorce is final so get it over with quickly.

There is also something to be said about the STBXW being in happy land versus if the OM just dumped her and she blames you. She'll intentionally try to screw you if you took her "honey boo" away.

My suggestion would be to get the divorce over and then go nuclear.
This is exactly what my AxW is doing to me now. She started off all nice and amicable. 19 months later both she and her attorney are scratching for money. Now she wants more than she equitably deserves. I have taken precautions with my business, and thankfully in SC I can use Adultery as my final trump card! Ive got years of evidence and PI reports. Cant wait to see her face if I have to use it all.
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post #45 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 04:30 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

wait to expose her... If you guys have been married longer than 10 yrs (depending on which state you live) you could be subject for spousal support so while you would be embarrasing her at work and feeling vindicated, you would only end up hurting yourself financially as the judge is likely to order spousal support or if she has no shame demanding it like mine tried to LMAO

once the papers are finalized or she is out of your house and living on her own, you can do as you wish, expose her, tell her mother, tell her friends the truth!

Most divorce papers, temporary orders, injunctions and such have a clause that states you will not talk bad about each other to friends, family and co-workers - it sounds silly but its a "PLAY NICE while you get this divorce done directive for grown ups"
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