Best way to divorce my wife... - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 2008Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #91 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 11:54 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: central US, not unicorn fantasy land
Posts: 1,228
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I feel for you. The EA before, did you expose the EA to her family or did she rugsweep? I am wondering what kind of wife would withhold sex from you for so long and be in fantasyland with her boss. What does she tell you why she will not have sex with you? I would listen to your attorney for now. Your wife does not respect you at all. I would stand up to here and give her the speedy divorce. Someday your future will be better.

harrybrown is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #92 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,867
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybrown View Post
I feel for you. The EA before, did you expose the EA to her family or did she rugsweep? I am wondering what kind of wife would withhold sex from you for so long and be in fantasyland with her boss. What does she tell you why she will not have sex with you? I would listen to your attorney for now. Your wife does not respect you at all. I would stand up to here and give her the speedy divorce. Someday your future will be better.
We rug swept it.. I blamed myself and believed it was because I was not attentive enough. In hindsight, I was a fool for believing her.

She tells me she, "doesn't want to lie to herself" when she wouldn't sleep with me because our relationship was rocky. I should of known it was cause she was getting it from elsewhere. ANOTHER red flag I blindly ignored. Come to find out it was because she promised the OM she wouldn't! (Like that's probably stopping him from banging both his wife and her.)

I know now my wife is completely delusional. I just wonder is he's just stringing her along for sex or if he's completely delusional too. I'm inclined to believe he's just using her but wouldn't that be a really awkward situation at work afterwards after he ends it??? He's her boss after all and six months is a long time for a fling isn't it? Their plan also seems to be to keep this going for some time longer.

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 08-09-2013 at 12:12 PM.
BetrayedDad is online now  
post #93 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 12:08 PM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,556
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Visit Divorce Information for Men and Fathers | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com for some additional viewpoints from your particular state.

You should listen to your lawyer, and at the same time realize he/she is not perfect. Use your gut feeling and some outside research to assure yourself your lawyer is on the right track. If you have confidence in your lawyer, follow his/her advice.

In my opinion, everything from this moment forward should be in concert with getting the best outcome for you according to your priorities. Period. Eventually I think you will want to have her out of your mind. Revenge might be satisfying but how does it compare to writing a big alimony check? You need to keep the big picture in mind. (And some people would willingly write a big check in return for nuking the wife's career).

Read the book Sun Tzu, The Art of War. The Art of War (History and Warfare): Sun Tzu, Ralph D. Sawyer: 9780813319513: Amazon.com: Books

In the midst of a discussion she might say she will falsely threaten to charge you with something (child sex abuse, wife beating, etc). That is your chance to say "Don't say things like that! You should assume I am recording everything you say". There are probably a million other circumstances where you can toss that out there. "You wouldn't object to me recording our conversations would you?". Be creative and get her consent recorded!

I agree even if you do not have her consent that if you record a false accusation it will be in your favor to have the recording. The police may in fact arrest her for making false charges!

The threat of exposure is not blackmail if you are not asking for anything you are not entitled to. Use the carrot and stick. Offer her a quick easy split so she can get on with her fantasy life, and threaten to demolish her fantasy if she is not reasonable in negotiations.

"My goal here is to quickly and as painlessly as possible get the divorce finalized for the benefit of our children and so that we can both move on with our lives. We can split the assets fairly and we can set up 50/50 custody. I don't want to waste money on lawyers, but if you are not willing to do this in good faith I will be forced to fight with everything I have, and that includes putting everything into the public record in court."

I am in the camp of not exposing at work or even to OMW. Use the threat of exposure as leverage. You do not want her out of work if you might be on the hook for alimony. But if alimony is not a factor, her being out of work could drain her of $ to pay for a lawyer, in which case exposure would be helpful to your strategy.

Then nuke her and OM when the settlement is final.
Thor is online now  
 
post #94 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 12:27 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,867
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor View Post
"My goal here is to quickly and as painlessly as possible get the divorce finalized for the benefit of our children and so that we can both move on with our lives. We can split the assets fairly and we can set up 50/50 custody. I don't want to waste money on lawyers, but if you are not willing to do this in good faith I will be forced to fight with everything I have, and that includes putting everything into the public record in court."

I am in the camp of not exposing at work or even to OMW. Use the threat of exposure as leverage. You do not want her out of work if you might be on the hook for alimony. But if alimony is not a factor, her being out of work could drain her of $ to pay for a lawyer, in which case exposure would be helpful to your strategy.

Then nuke her and OM when the settlement is final.

This is going to be my strategy next week and I'm going to just hope that she plays ball...
BetrayedDad is online now  
post #95 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 12:48 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 229
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I don't know what makes people think that being "nice" enough not to expose before confrontation is going to score him any brownie points in a settlement. Emotions will be running high regardless, and his "non-exposure gesture" will be the last thing she'll be thinking about post confrontation.

He might as well expose to the OM's wife and blow the fantasy out of the water. If the OM dumps his wife quickly (most likely), then Betrayed may actually be in a better position to negotiate if she is more wanting to reconcile (whether or not he is).
ironman is offline  
post #96 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 12:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 229
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Well, I guess alimony would be the only reason not to ... if that's an issue for you.
ironman is offline  
post #97 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 01:21 PM
Member
 
tom67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 10,667
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
This is going to be my strategy next week and I'm going to just hope that she plays ball...
Calm cool and dispassionate when dealing with her and prepare for the worst when fantasy island is ruined for her.
tom67 is offline  
post #98 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 01:29 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: San Bernardino, CA
Posts: 2,311
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

BD,

I don't know how you have the strength to bury your anger my friend. More power to you.

If I ever found out that the reason I had been cut off by my SO is because she promised some POS not too, I would not be able to hold back from nuking the h**l out of both of them.

Money would not even be a consideration. I can always make more money.

But my pride and dignity? Could never get that back if I did not pay back the people who had wronged me.

But you have to walk your own path sir.

Just reading that bit of info from you really pissed me off for your sake.
Dyokemm is offline  
post #99 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,867
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dyokemm View Post
If I ever found out that the reason I had been cut off by my SO is because she promised some POS not too, I would not be able to hold back from nuking the h**l out of both of them.
I am 100% certain I WILL tell the OMW eventually.

It's just a matter of when and as disappointing as it is to wait until after the settlement, it's the strongest card I have to get her to agree to a quick divorce.

Now if she does something stupid like lawyer up then I'll nuke without hesitation...

My other concern is she will deny until I prove to her I know. I don't want to tell her how I found out but hopefully if I throw her a few crumbles, and mention a few details that I couldn't possibly know otherwise, she'll cave and confess.

I'm not walking out of the MC without a confession...
BetrayedDad is online now  
post #100 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 03:45 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: San Bernardino, CA
Posts: 2,311
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

BD,

That's a great confrontation plan. Definitely try to keep your sources unknown if possible.

But I agree, make sure to get that confession.

Best wishes to you my friend.

Dyokemm is offline  
post #101 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 04:41 PM
Member
 
Thorburn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,894
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Lawyers tend to be non-confrontational in matters of disclosure. They typically like things not to go messy and in regards to A's and D, when emotions take over, it is good to have an attorney walk you through the steps. Mine was great and warned me what to do and what not to do. I heeded most of his advice and some of the things I did was prior to meeting with him, which he stated were illegal, Like the VAR in my wife's car. He also told me not to worry about it.

In our state, exposing the A, does not help much in the final D, as we are no-fault, but infidelity is a factor in determining spousal support, which can be given during the time the D is filed till the time D is finalized. Typically spousal support is denied if infidelity is proven. As my attorney explained to me, we win the battle but lose the war, in that infidelity is a factor for spousal support, but will have little bearing in the outcome of alimoney in the final D decree.

This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.
Thorburn is offline  
post #102 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 04:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 1,174
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustSomeGuyWho View Post
It is a crock but it's also essentially what my lawyer told me when I investigated. She could legally take my kids anywhere and I couldn't stop her without a court order specifically preventing her from doing that. My wife was threatening to move the kids to Texas to live with her mother. Now, I don't think it would be difficult to get that court order but if she took the kids before I got the order then chances are good that I would be SOL. I would have to appeal to the other state to get my kids back but that is unlikely and I would have to pick up everything and move and then work things out.
That is all well and good but if you do your research you will find there are more attorney's specializing in Father's rights. I would suggest you join the movement. Equal is equal.
RClawson is offline  
post #103 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 04:57 PM
Member
 
tom67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 10,667
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I have a feeling like in most cases you'll try to be civil but most likely you will have to go b@lls to the wall scorched earth. Because of course it will be all your fault.
tom67 is offline  
post #104 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 05:01 PM
Member
 
livinfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 497
Best way to divorce my wife...

My attorney was a female (a great suggestion from a friend who went through this) i filed first and drive the show. My attorney was extremely thorough and very good at offense.

Never underestimate the power of keeping a journal about you and your children's activities. The moment I produced a detailed journal to my attorney she called opposing counsel and we had a deal the same day after two months of squabbling.

Betrayed Fathers: Do not move out of your home.

My Story|The 180|Books|Translating a Cheater

Betrayed Fathers : CYA!
livinfree is offline  
post #105 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 05:02 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Kings County
Posts: 367
Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I am 100% certain I WILL tell the OMW eventually.

It's just a matter of when and as disappointing as it is to wait until after the settlement, it's the strongest card I have to get her to agree to a quick divorce.

Now if she does something stupid like lawyer up then I'll nuke without hesitation...

My other concern is she will deny until I prove to her I know. I don't want to tell her how I found out but hopefully if I throw her a few crumbles, and mention a few details that I couldn't possibly know otherwise, she'll cave and confess.

I'm not walking out of the MC without a confession...
Don't forget the VAR and don't forget to turn it on!
Broken_in_Brooklyn is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Help Please - I want to divorce my wife LC666 Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 07-12-2013 08:15 AM
should I divorce my wife? seeking help Coping with Infidelity 17 01-17-2011 01:41 AM
Wife wants divorce.:( Trueman Considering Divorce or Separation 25 12-18-2010 03:13 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome