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for some additional viewpoints from your particular state.
You should listen to your lawyer, and at the same time realize he/she is not perfect. Use your gut feeling and some outside research to assure yourself your lawyer is on the right track. If you have confidence in your lawyer, follow his/her advice.
In my opinion, everything from this moment forward should be in concert with getting the best outcome for you according to your priorities. Period. Eventually I think you will want to have her out of your mind. Revenge might be satisfying but how does it compare to writing a big alimony check? You need to keep the big picture in mind. (And some people would willingly write a big check in return for nuking the wife's career).
Read the book Sun Tzu, The Art of War. The Art of War (History and Warfare): Sun Tzu, Ralph D. Sawyer: 9780813319513: Amazon.com: Books
In the midst of a discussion she might say she will falsely threaten to charge you with something (child sex abuse, wife beating, etc). That is your chance to say "Don't say things like that! You should assume I am recording everything you say". There are probably a million other circumstances where you can toss that out there. "You wouldn't object to me recording our conversations would you?". Be creative and get her consent recorded!
I agree even if you do not have her consent that if you record a false accusation it will be in your favor to have the recording. The police may in fact arrest her for making false charges!
The threat of exposure is not blackmail if you are not asking for anything you are not entitled to. Use the carrot and stick. Offer her a quick easy split so she can get on with her fantasy life, and threaten to demolish her fantasy if she is not reasonable in negotiations.
"My goal here is to quickly and as painlessly as possible get the divorce finalized for the benefit of our children and so that we can both move on with our lives. We can split the assets fairly and we can set up 50/50 custody. I don't want to waste money on lawyers, but if you are not willing to do this in good faith I will be forced to fight with everything I have, and that includes putting everything
into the public record in court."
I am in the camp of not exposing at work or even to OMW. Use the threat of exposure as leverage. You do not want her out of work if you might be on the hook for alimony. But if alimony is not a factor, her being out of work could drain her of $ to pay for a lawyer, in which case exposure would be helpful to your strategy.
Then nuke her and OM when the settlement is final.