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post #121 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 11:39 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by JustSomeGuyWho View Post
It is a crock but it's also essentially what my lawyer told me when I investigated. She could legally take my kids anywhere and I couldn't stop her without a court order specifically preventing her from doing that. My wife was threatening to move the kids to Texas to live with her mother. Now, I don't think it would be difficult to get that court order but if she took the kids before I got the order then chances are good that I would be SOL. I would have to appeal to the other state to get my kids back but that is unlikely and I would have to pick up everything and move and then work things out.
All that tell me is to have the lawyer have such an injunction filed as soon as the divorce papers are filed.

This isn't rocket science. And if SHE violates a court injunction, SHE faces the penalties and takes an additional hit to her worthiness as a parent.

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post #122 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 11:52 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I am 100% certain I WILL tell the OMW eventually.

It's just a matter of when and as disappointing as it is to wait until after the settlement, it's the strongest card I have to get her to agree to a quick divorce.

Now if she does something stupid like lawyer up then I'll nuke without hesitation...

My other concern is she will deny until I prove to her I know. I don't want to tell her how I found out but hopefully if I throw her a few crumbles, and mention a few details that I couldn't possibly know otherwise, she'll cave and confess.

I'm not walking out of the MC without a confession...
Blink blink. You SERIOUSLY think she isn't going to lawyer up?

REALLY?

Hypothetical situation:

You: "If you don't do exactly what I say, I'm going to expose the affair."

Her Version 1: "Expose away! It will break up his marriage and he can be with me."

Her Version 2: "So? I still don't love you and it won't change anything."

Her Version 3: "If you do, I'm going to go to a random state with a different name. I can pack our bags in 30 minutes. How fast can you get a judge and an injunction ready AND FIND ME?"

Her Version 4: "If you expose, then (incredibly embarrassing personal thing) will also be exposed."

Her Version 5: "So I'll get more of your money in the end if you do that. Do you WANT to shatter some innocent woman's life and make HER baby ALSO suffer the tribulations of divorce?"

I am pro exposure. Do not expose because you want a nicer slice of money. It won't happen. Don't expect she'll stay nice. Don't think you won't regret not exposing (and if you expose, don't think you won't regret doing THAT either).

Expose for your own reasons. You can't guess what she will do in any case. People are funny that way.

Good luck.
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post #123 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-09-2013, 11:56 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
Not necessarily... the boss is still banging a subordinate who he supervises, gives performance reviews to etc. I don't know many businesses that condone that. Plus if I expose now, I feel like it just exposes me to the risk of having to pay alimony to support her newfound joblessness.
How quaint. You think you won't be paying alimony regardless.
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post #124 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 12:00 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by JCD View Post
Blink blink. You SERIOUSLY think she isn't going to lawyer up?

REALLY?

Hypothetical situation:

You: "If you don't do exactly what I say, I'm going to expose the affair."

Her Version 1: "Expose away! It will break up his marriage and he can be with me."

Her Version 2: "So? I still don't love you and it won't change anything."

Her Version 3: "If you do, I'm going to go to a random state with a different name. I can pack our bags in 30 minutes. How fast can you get a judge and an injunction ready AND FIND ME?"

Her Version 4: "If you expose, then (incredibly embarrassing personal thing) will also be exposed."

Her Version 5: "So I'll get more of your money in the end if you do that. Do you WANT to shatter some innocent woman's life and make HER baby ALSO suffer the tribulations of divorce?"

I am pro exposure. Do not expose because you want a nicer slice of money. It won't happen. Don't expect she'll stay nice. Don't think you won't regret not exposing (and if you expose, don't think you won't regret doing THAT either).

Expose for your own reasons. You can't guess what she will do in any case. People are funny that way.

Good luck.
Sorry it is what it is.
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post #125 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 12:45 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

From were I'm sitting your confrontation during MC has no quarentees, and you just might come out of this next session like Jack Nicholson in the end of the movie "One Flow Over The Coo Nest!

My thinking is you have an expectation that may just not happen. In fact, at the end of the day you know she is screwing around and she knows you know she is screwing around.....

You just might have to walk out of the session with the simble thought that you will no longer share your wife.

IDK..but I have a feeling you could walk in on WW and OM going at it and your old lady would tell you "its not what it seems" and deny until her dying days....I could be wrong.
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post #126 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 06:42 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I don't understand the significance of waiting until MC and PAYING someone else to be there to tell your wife something you already know. Did you need a third party witness? What if she denies it? Now your counselor will want to work through the evidence and 'issues' to come get to a way through this.

However...it will also make your wife behave herself, so I suppose that's not a bad way. It seems a fancy restaurant would be cheaper and just as safe, particularly if you arrange for you both to get there in two different cars.

Heck, do it at lunch so she goes to her paramour an absolute wreck in the afternoon. Let him feel the chill winds against his neck.

But waiting waiting waiting...gives her time for damage control.
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post #127 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

I just want to clear up a few points...

1) I'm not concerned about money as much as I am custody of the kids. It's the only reason I'm being cautious. I don't want a fight on 50/50 custody and she could leave with the kids anytime $hit hits the fan and I can't do a damn thing to stop her until court.

2) From what I have gathered based on my intel, they seem content to continue this affair behind our backs for at least the rest of the year, perhaps longer (Though they "claim" to be getting impatient). OMW just had a baby so that's his excuse. My father died a month ago and I guess it would be bad timing to dump me (like she's doing me a favor) so that's hers.

3) At the end of the day, I think my wife is delusional enough to believe this fantasy is real. My gut tells me this guy is playing her but who knows. All I know is if he is not ready to leave the new born baby then that's leverage I can use. After six months of this going on, what difference does it make if I blow it up now or a few months later? She will try to protect him and I can use that to get her to cooperate. I don't mean to sound cold and the OMW will find out but my kids come first.

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 08-10-2013 at 08:05 AM.
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post #128 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:05 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Where did you get the info your wife can leave and take your kids. It doesn't sound like you have talked to a lawyer.
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post #129 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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The lawyer also told me if I piss her off and she decides to leave with the kids then 9 times out of 10 I can't stop her. She's the mother and is considered the nurturing parent so I'd have to file an emergency injuction and it will get ugly fast. That's her only play so it's a cold war standoff in my mind.
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post #130 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:11 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

You need a new lawyer. There hasn't been one case here that I remember where a spouse was even allowed to leave the counyty withthe kids. File now, you are just shooting yourself in the foot being coy, waiting, accepting the situation.

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post #131 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:29 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Read the threads here. The men that are tough, jump on this crap withboth feet come out fine. The guys that hesitate, procrastinate , wring their hands, try to be nice, deny, beg , plead, look backward, all get their asses handed to them.

The first thing is to expose and knock both their silly asses off the limb.

You really think a man with a new baby and another small kid is going to give up his life for a cheating woman no one can trust.

You are either going to throw punches or take them on the chin and lose everything. We see your plan here over and over here, show me when it has worked.
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post #132 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
You really think a man with a new baby is going to give up his life for a cheating woman no one can trust.
I really appreciate what your saying, I do. I understand your advise. If I was 100% certain the OM would stay with the OMW, I'd nuke them right now. I'm not trying to save this marriage. Any person who would do this someone is the lowest form of scum in my book. I would NEVER trust her again.

And it's not like I can read this guys mind. As unlikely as it is, maybe he will just leave her in which case exposure will just have sped up the inevitable and burn any leverage I have. Further, now that the wife is pissed off because I have shattered the fantasy, what stops her from getting revenge and using the child custody as a tool to do so?

Nuking is always on the table. Leverage isn't.
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post #133 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:42 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I just want to clear up a few points...

1) I'm not concerned about money as much as I am custody of the kids. It's the only reason I'm being cautious. I don't want a fight on 50/50 custody and she could leave with the kids anytime $hit hits the fan and I can't do a damn thing to stop her until court.
Lawyer up and the WW can't leave the state. If needed you can file for divorce and then have your lawyer stall.
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post #134 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:49 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I really appreciate what your saying, I do. I understand your advise. If I was 100% certain the OM would stay with the OMW, I'd nuke them right now. I'm not trying to save this marriage. Any person who would do this someone is the lowest form of scum in my book. I would NEVER trust her again.

And it's not like I can read this guys mind. As unlikely as it is, maybe he will just leave her in which case exposure will just have sped up the inevitable and burn any leverage I have. Further, now that the wife is pissed off because I have shattered the fantasy, what stops her from getting revenge and using the child custody as a tool to do so?

Nuking is always on the table. Leverage isn't.
Your wife doesn't get to decide who gets the kids, a judge does. Its not like it used to be in most states.

If he wanted your wife he would already have left. He's playing her like a broke fiddle.
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post #135 of 1162 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 08:53 AM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Read the threads here. The men that are tough, jump on this crap withboth feet come out fine. The guys that hesitate, procrastinate , wring their hands, try to be nice, deny, beg , plead, look backward, all get their asses handed to them.

The first thing is to expose and knock both their silly asses off the limb.

You really think a man with a new baby and another small kid is going to give up his life for a cheating woman no one can trust.

You are either going to throw punches or take them on the chin and lose everything. We see your plan here over and over here, show me when it has worked.
Man aint that the truth!!! Agreed!!!!!!
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