Best way to divorce my wife... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:13 PM Thread Starter
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Best way to divorce my wife...

I recently found out my wife has been sleeping with her boss (how cliche) for the last six months. She doesn't know I know yet but she suspects something is wrong. (I'm not a pathelogical liar like she is and can't hide my emotions as well.)

My attorney basically told me it would be in my best interest, and in getting joint custody of my children, to do this as civilized as possible. He told me to wait until the next marriage counselling session, which is a week from now and announce it to her then.

The boss is married so I really want to tell his wife (who just had a baby not long ago mind you) but I'm hesitant now because it will only piss her off and drag this out longer than it needs to be. He said if I decide to make this ugly from the get go then it will cost me big down the road.

Suggestions? If I report them to the bosses wife and their HR dept will it be worth the blowback of a custody and house battle over a short term revenge gratification on my part? It's killing me trying to be the bigger person when I was being treated like a jerk for so long.

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post #2 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:16 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Let a little time go by and then let the BW know anonymously. She has a right to know.
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post #3 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:17 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

If you want a d then get the best settlement you can quickly. Protect your self and your assets You can always expose after the fact

Right now take care of you. That includes getting checked for stds.
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post #4 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by alte Dame View Post
Let a little time go by and then let the BW know anonymously. She has a right to know.
They'll know it was me... Unless I wait until the divorce is over but that could take 3-4 months.
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post #5 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:19 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Paternity test the kids also. You don't know if this is her first affair. Paternity tests are cheap fast and private. She does not need to participate. Google it and you will have several results. Unfortunately I had to invest in that process.
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post #6 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:20 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

1. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke

2. Tell HR

3. Tell the POS wife
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post #7 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:21 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Wait the 3 or 4 months. It will be worth it to you in the settlement.

If you want to bust up the affair and attempt R then Expose now.
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post #8 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:21 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Might ask you lawyer what he means by "cost more down the road", is he saying that meaning more in headaches and issues, loss of money, etc. This is a very broad statement and could mean anything. Get further clarification on what he means and decide then if it is worth the "added expense" to you.
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post #9 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:24 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

It really depends on what your goal is.
If your goal is the best divorce settlement possible, then listen to your attorney.

Sometimes, exposing an affair and threatining the bosses's life and job causes him to dump your wife like a ton of bricks, therefore ending the affair. When the affiair is killed, sometimes that allows for a reconciliation. But there are no guarantees to anything.
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post #10 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:28 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Expose the POS to his BW at least.

You know that if it was her with the info you would definitely want her to inform you.

You can wait til after you get the D outcome you want finalized before going to HR.

But after that, you absolutely should expose this scumbag to HR at the company as well. He just helped destroy your M and your children's family life. Ruin this trash. He fully deserves it.

It is appropriate justice both for yourself and for what he did to your children.

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post #11 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Sometimes, exposing an affair and threatining the bosses's life and job causes him to dump your wife like a ton of bricks, therefore ending the affair. When the affiair is killed, sometimes that allows for a reconciliation. But there are no guarantees to anything.
I'm convinced sooner or later the boss is going to dump my wife anyway. This is not the first subordinate he has hooked up with. My wife has also had an EA in the past so as much as I don't really want to do this, why reconcile? I can't be in a marriage where I don't trust the person and if it wasn't him, it will probably be someone else.
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post #12 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:31 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Sometimes, exposing an affair and threatining the bosses's life and job causes him to dump your wife like a ton of bricks
If you're aiming for a quick, successful (however you define it) divorce, take advantage of the "Mister Wonderful" effect. While she's in lala land with the POSOM, planning their future and picking out curtains and maybe, just maybe, feeling a little guilt about you, push the divorce through like a greased rocket sled. Hope their relationship lasts long enough for the divorce to become final.
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post #13 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:32 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Then what you should be doing is listening to your attorney.
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post #14 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

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Originally Posted by Dyokemm View Post
Expose the POS to his BW at least.

You know that if it was her with the info you would definitely want her to inform you.
I'm torn because while your 100% right, she could make me getting custody a nightmare, because I drove her fling away.

All I care about now are the children.
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post #15 of 1161 (permalink) Old 08-08-2013, 03:33 PM
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Re: Best way to divorce my wife...

Tread carefully. I'm in a similiar situation in not doing much to piss my STBXW off. She can get and has been nasty in the past and this time she has told me she doesn't wan't anything from me. Don't believe it for a second but will play nice until after everything is settled. I also hope the rage and hatred subside at that time. I just want her to get out of my life, I will deal with her about our children but that is it.

Stood alone on a mountain top,
Starin' out at the great divide
I could go east, I could go west,
It was all up to me to decide
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