hrtnsoul

First let me apologize for the long post...here it goes...i've been married 14 years. My husband and I have a great relationship. Friends always say they want what we have, we are the perfect couple ect. we are very loving toward one another, sex is great, ect. I recently found that he and someone else have been texting back and forth every day all day until right before I get home from work for at least 6months. (i discovered this on our phone bill, he deleted all the messages)I confronted him and he said it was just texting that's it, he cried is eyes out and told me he would text how much he adores me and that she had gone through what i was gonig through (I recently lost my father) and about work or whatever. I told him to either text her or call her immediately and it stops now, he got his phone right in front of me and did that and they haven't texted each other since. I told him he deleted the messages because he obviously was texting something he did want me to see, thats how this whole thing is wrong, and he got that. she doesnt work with him, used to years ago and stopped in for a visit and thats when they started texting. He has always made me feel attractive and loved, that has never changed, there were no signs whatsoever that this was even happening. He said I did nothing wrong, he is happy with me and always has been. I believe in my heart he loves me and always has. He has cried and apologized. I can see it in his eyes how it kills him to see me hurting. We get along great just like we always have, it almost seems that this may have brought us closer, if thats possible. So how do I stop thinking about it? I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I still can't believe this happened to us. I try to block it from my head, but every once in awhile it comes back. So how do I get past it? How do I stop wondering about what it is they texted each other? I feel like now I always have to think about our marriage when before everything just came naturally, you know what I mean? I know he didn't physically cheat on me. I try not to dwell on it, but I wont ever forget it. I am not a jealous person, have no problem with him having other women as friends. I even told him if he came home that day, that they exchanged #'s & just told me, this probably wouldn't have been a problem.

Thanks for listening!

Alexandra

I feel for you, but you totally sound like you're headed in the right direction. It may just take longer than you thought to get all the way there!

Forgiveness is a constant choice and often has to be done over and over. It doesn't mean you didn't forgive him the first time, it just means that you will have to keep making the choice for yourself. Work on being positive, looking at him in a grateful way, dwelling on the positive aspects of your marriage. Focus on the future, and when the past creeps up (because it will!), choose to forgive again.

Blessings to you! Keep at it!

__________________
Save your marriage & avoid divorce. If there is HOPE, there is a WAY - Relationship Advice

hrtnsoul

Alexandra ~ thank you for the reply! I really needed that!

DawnD

I understand that horrible feeling of waiting for it all to come crashing down. The good part about your post was you said you think it made you closer. My husbands A actually seemed to do that. We weren't really bad off, but it could have been better. And now that I know what he has done, we talked it out and showed each other exactly what it means to one another to be in this relationship. Keep going forward and when the occassional flashback comes, tell your H that you are having a rough day and do something together to make you both smile. Best of luck honey

turnera

Unfortunately, you should keep checking the phone records. Once someone gets into an affair (yes, even if it's not physical, it's an affair - he hid it from you and he has feelings for her), it's not that easy to just stop. Also check his internet use; he may decide to contact her that way, now that he knows you check the phone records.