Ok, interesting weekend. Here's what happened. Planned to tell wife Sat. nite about me not wanting her to walk with Larry again, but got home after an outing with the kids and she was at her sisters house. I know this is where she was. Put the kids to bed and while I was in basement watching TV she got home yelled down that she was going for her walk because Larry was waiting, told her I wanted to talk, she says OK but he's waiting so we'll talk when I get back. I then told her that I knew she had hugged him,(didn't tell her how) and that I didn't want her walking with him anymore. She asked how I knew this, and I told her (picked up the phone at the same time). She said that he hugged her (not the other way around) and that it was just a friendly hug. I said then why did you say that you liked it? She said we'll he is attractive, you would like it if an attractive neighbor hugged you, but it doesn't mean there is anything between you. She was clearly annoyed about the whole conversation. I did not tell her about knowing that she kissed him. I didn't want to spill all the beans. I did ask her if she did anything else with him. She sort of admitted to the kiss but said it was just a quick kiss like a friend would do. (I don't believe her because she told her sister that the kiss lasted for about 15 seconds, I don't know of a friendly 15 second kiss). She then said that they are just friends and that I should know that, and that I have no business telling her who her friends are. She then left in a huff to go walk with him. I sat up for two hours waiting for her to get home. I saw her come up the street and go into Larry's house. She came home about an hour later (about 12:30 am). I was already in bed pretending to be asleep. Now this is what gets me. She proceeds to get naked, climb in bed and on top of me and we have very good sex for about an hour. She said she was horny, and to stop worrying about Larry. This makes 5 nights of great sex over the last week. Prior to this, we were having it once a month (at best) and it was very bad (she would just lay there, no kissing, etc.). I love the change in her in this respect. Now I'm really not sure what to do next. I could tell she had been drinking (she does'nt drink much, and her breath smells like wine). She admitted to having a drink after the walk with Larry, and then she said she just came home. She basically said we're just friends and get over my insecurities. I know she feels more for him than that, but it doesn't sound like she is willing to make any changes. I do like the way her behavior towards me has changed. Will check the phone recordings tonight for an update. Any advice appreciated.
Russ101, it sounds to me like she's having makeout sessions with your neighbor and then coming home to finish things off with you. While you may be enjoying the sex, what if she's fantasizing that you're him? Not so enjoyable, huh? I think you should tell her to break off all contact with him immediately.
Based on what I've read here and in another thread, your internally torn by the sexual excitement about your wife being naughty and the jealousy or anger about doing it behind your back.
I think you need to have some open discussion with her and "spill the beans".
You also should get some real grasp or understanding of what is driving you to behave this way and resolve the conflict.
Maybe your wife will give you what you want. But Unless your on real solid ground (which its kinda apparent your not), allowing this to "tumble down the hill" on its own is risky.
Put on the brakes, unless your willing to let her go.
Get gounded.
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DIE TO THE PAST EVERY MOMENT - TWC
Still haven't answered my question. So, do you care if she's banging Larry and then banging you?
Sounds like you'd rather let Larry do the romanticizing so you can just get laid. I'm not judging, but it's an interesting way to try and get closer to your wife.
Eventually, she's not going to be coming home and requesting your services I would suspect.
Still haven't answered my question. So, do you care if she's banging Larry and then banging you?
Sounds like you'd rather let Larry do the romanticizing so you can just get laid. I'm not judging, but it's an interesting way to try and get closer to your wife.
Eventually, she's not going to be coming home and requesting your services I would suspect.
Yeah. This will last maybe a month. Then you will be SOL, and HE will get it all. And they'll be laughing about you in bed.
To answer the question; do I care if Larry is banging my wife? The answer is yes. To be honest though, I have always had the fantasy of watching my wife with another man (can't explain why) but what I would want to do is have them together only in front of me, and then I would like to have her myself. If this were the case, she could bang him only when I am present (she would never agree to this, and would be absolutely shocked if I brought it up). So I think you guys are right in the fact that this could be headed to an affair (behind my back). She admitted to finding him attractive and she says they get along great as friends, but she insists that they are only that (she said the kiss was a friendly kiss, and she told him not to do it again, even though I know it was more than friendly) and I just need to stop snooping. I also found out (through phone recordings) that when she stopped over his house the other day and had some wine after their walk he massaged her temples and feet (two things that she is constantly bugging me to do to her and I did until she cut back on her sex to me and the level, then I did the same with her massages. Since her desire for sex and intensity has improved, so has my desire to massage her when requested), she said to her sister that he has very strong hands. This is going to become an affair soon if I don't put my foot down. One that I will have no control over. So I am going to tell her that I am very suspicious of Larry's motives with her and I want her to stop contact with him. I am very nervous about doing this. I can't really confront Larry other than talk to him (he is much bigger than me about 6' 2", I am 5' 8") and don't want to risk losing my wife, but I think most of you are right that if I don't do something soon, I will lose her anyway. Tomorrow she is off of work and it just so happens that Larry is too, so I plan on talking to her tonight. Wish me luck, I will definitely need it!
Out of all the infidelities I've read about (a LOT), 90% of the success stories with wayward wives included the betrayed husband getting MAD and DETERMINED to not let this go on one minute more. Those who fretted about upsetting their wives, spoke 'very nicely' to their wives so as not to make them mad...nearly every single one of those wives left their husband.
Women WANT their man to stand up and take what's theirs. Caveman days. It's instinctual. They HATE weak men. One of the appeals of a man who's willing to seduce a married woman.
Please don't wimp out. Your marriage can survive her anger. It can't survive another man.
Ok everyone, I talked to her last night (after her walk with Larry, which by the way, lasted again until 11:30) and told her I think she is in the beginnings of an affair and that I did not trust Larry, and that I know (didn't tell her how) that the kiss that she shared with Larry was more than just a quick peck. I said even if we can't afford it, we should just bite the bullet and hire a sitter and walk together. We had a huge argument. She said why are you angry? I have been a good wife, we are fine sexually (just recently though) and I am not cheating on you. Let me have my friends and stop accusing me of things that I have not done! She then brought up the fact that one of my friends Kate(a married women down the street) and I kissed once. I said yes, but we are both friends with her and her husband, and she hugged and kissed me goodbye at a Christmas party a few years ago in front of her husband! It was just a quick peck. Even though I was suprised she did this, it meant nothing. (we do hang out occassionally because my wife, and Kate's husband don't like to do any activities with the kids, we do so we do get together with the kids a couple of times a month. If we are at her house and her husband comes home, I will usually start talking to him instead. He has no problems with it, because there is nothing to have a problem with. Everything we do is out in the open and with our kids. My wife says that it is the same thing, and she says I am not going to pick her friends. She has no intention of stopping to walk with him. I have decided that even though I have desires of seeing her with someone, I know that she would never agree to this and she would just end up having an affair behind my back. This is why I confronted her. She woke up this morning and barely talked to me. I have to do something else now. Talking is not working, she is in denial. She has admitted to me that she finds him attractive (she also brings up the fact that I found Kate attractive (she asked me a couple of years ago in bed which one of our friends did I find the most attractive) and she has kissed him at least once (that I know of) passionatley (there is no such thing as a 15 second friendly kiss in my opinion). I don't know what step to take next. I am not ready to leave her, and I don't want to risk losing the kids. What should my next move be in your opinions? I do appreciate all of your suggestions, even if I have'nt listened to all of them
I will reiterate, the most powerful weapon you have right now is knowledge. You know something she doesn't want her family and friends to know - she's cheating.
Call her parents and tell them everything. Call her siblings. Call her best friends. Ask them all if THEY would be ok if their spouse was doing this. Then ask them to help by calling her.
Get this guy's wife/exwife's number and call her. Get his parents' numbers and call them. Siblings. Tell them all you're fighting to save your marriage and their guy is one step away from sleeping with your wife (if they haven't already, which I'm pretty sure they have - ALL waywards lie). Ask them to help you save your marriage and help HIM by keeping him from doing something he'll regret. Ask them to call him.
She'll be furious at you, but so what? What marriage do you have right now? One based on fear. YOUR fear she won't want you any more. So you kiss up to her and beg her to like you. What kind of marriage is that?
Stand up for yourself, fight the affair, and improve yourself in the meantime so you'll be what she's looking for, after the addiction of the affair wears off.
Thanks for the response. You may be right about them sleeping together. I know (because of the phone recordings with her sister) that they were not sleeping together before yesterday, but something bizzare (in my opinion) happened that makes me think that maybe something did happen. Tell me what you think. My wife and Larry both have the same day off from work (Wed). I tried calling my wife at home at lunch and on her cell phone. She didn't answer either one. At 2:30 work was slow and I was offered the option of going home early. I said yes mainly because I was very worried about where my wife was. Got home at 3:00 and saw her car was in the driveway. Larry's car was in his driveway. I walked into the house quietly and looked around for my wife. Couldn't find her, but I did hear what sounded like moaning coming from one of the bedrooms (we live in a small house and all the bedrooms are right together), I called out my wife's name and she came out of my son's room quickly wearing only her panty hose, her bra and her shirt which was unbuttoned and she was buttoning quickly as she came out of his room. I said what were you doing in our sons room? She was clearly irratated that I was home early. She said she came home from lunch out with some people, and was tired and just dropped her skirt and layed down in our sons bed. (she does do this when she is tired, but she always lays down in our bed). I said why didn't you sleep in our bed? She said that his bedroom was closer, and she was so tired that she just flopped onto the nearest bed. Our bedroom is exactly 5 feet from his and the bed is much bigger. She then said why did you come home early, so you can spy on me? I said no, I just got off of work early and thought it would be a nice suprise to come home before the kids got home. I then said while we are home alone, why don't we have a little fun? She said youv'e got to be kidding! I'm not having sex with you until you stop spying on me. I reiterated that I was not spying on her, but she didn't believe me. I also thought that maybe Larry was in the bedroom and I might have interupted them, but I went into the bedroom (I used an excuse that I needed something in there) and checked everywhere, there was no one else in there. Do you think she was telling the truth? Am I now just being paranoid? She didn't walk last night, and I was relieved, but she hardly talked to me as well. I wish I had never told her to walk with him in the first place. I'm losing my wife!
She didn't have to 'walk' with him. They already got it on.
Good grief, man, grow a pair.
The ONLY way you will ever keep your wife is if you blow up the affair. Call EVERYONE TODAY. If everyone knows - even the neighbors - it won't be 'fun' and 'exciting' any more, and she'll have to make a decision: dump him and work on the marriage, move out, or move in with him. ANY of those options are better than them LAUGHING at you while they're in bed together.
This hasn't gone on all that long, so you have a chance. Stand up for yourself and expose the affair and tell her you won't accept it.
I know that before yesterday they had only shared a kiss, and after they were kissing she pulled away from him and said she can't because she is married (I know this because she discussed it with her sister on the phone, her sister asked her point blank are you sleeping with him? to wich she said no, we only kissed once, and we are just friends). I still can't explain the bedroom incident yesterday when I came home early. She was obviously rushing out of the bedroom quickly half dressed, but there was no one else in there and she was irratated that I was home early. I don't know what that was all about. As for exposing the affair (really just the kiss for sure), she only has a sister which she tells everything to including complaining about me to her (her sister doesn't like me much since I told my wife a few years ago about how I didn't approve how she was living (a whole other long story) and she told her sister about it when they were fighting. Her sister would just take her side. Her mom is dead, and her dad does not want to hear about anything that is not his business. He would just say its none of my business Russ please don't involve me. I have mentioned to some of the neighbors about my suspicions, and they have all sided with me (even her friends) at what she is doing is at the very least inappropriate. My wife doesn't seem to care what they think. She has really stopped hanging out with any of our neighbors other that Larry. I have put my foot down and said no more contact with Larry. It was met with were just friends, stop bringing it up, or you will push me away from you, and you can't pick my friends. I think I now have to do something drastic, but I don't know what. Help. By the way, in your opinion, what was going on in the bedroom, anything, or am I just letting my imagination get the best of me?
Have you confronted him yet, while just happening to hold your rifle in your hand?
Have you tagged along on their walks?
Have you installed a keylogger on her computer to see what she's doing? Checked her phone/text records? Installed a voice-activated recorder to catch them?
Call her dad anyway. Call her aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, and any other friends. She may not be in contact with these people, but it will still sting if even one of them calls her and gives her what for.
Often the best weapon is calling HIS family, even an ex. Scumbags like that often are in it for the easy SF; if you start making it hard for him, making him look bad, he may back off.
Re: Need advice soon!!
