Husband cheated twice
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-24-2010, 11:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Husband cheated twice

I am glad I came across this website for people to share their experience and get advice from others. Sad to see, though, that so many are having serious marital problems.
Anyway, my problem is as follows:
My marriage has been on a rocky road for a few months now and recently I found out that my husband cheated on me again. This is the second time in about 4 years. He claims that he has his eyes out there and that he is bored in the marriage. I told him that we have to work out our problems to get the excitement back. My problem with him is that I feel he gives more attention to his colleagues at work than me. I work at home and see about the house. He works a typical 9-5 job so he leaves early in the morning and return around 7:30pm at night, i.e. if he is not out with the people at work going to bars. He frequents the bars with his colleagues at work and his hours for coming home vary between 10pm and 3am. I told him that is is fine for him to go once in a while with his colleagues but why does he have to stay so late. I do not know most of his friends and also he is, most of the times, the only married guy in the group of women and men. He has close female colleagues at work whom I do not know. I actually feel neglected at home. I sometimes feel like a helper in the house to do the house chores and cook food for him. When he is home, he eats and then on his blackberry. His blackberry is his best friend since he sits and chats to his friends on it during the night. This disgusts me so much. I told him there is no time for us.... He told me that he loves me but not as deeply as before. We are married 7.5 years now and he said he wants a separation to think what he really wants. I told him that he is enjoying all the women attention he is getting out there which is why we are having problems. I am really confused as to what to do. I do not believe separation will work since we still have the problems to deal with anyway. He is willing to go to counselling which I will be arranging tomorrow. I would like to save the marriage and try to build the trust with him again but my heart has mixed feelings. I am so scared of getting hurt again. After I found a few things from snooping, I was really scared of loving him with all my heart. I tried to protect myself from getting hurt badly by holding back a bit.... I was constantly finding out things by emails, phone calls, text messages, etc. until he password his blackberry so I would not know what he is doing. I really do not know what to do, I am scared to continue this relationship but then again I would like to try everything and anything to make it work since we still have feelings for each other. Am I hoping for too much or should I call it quits?
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband cheated twice

Hmmmm...

This is a tough one:

-Cheated twice in 4 years.
-Would rather party with the singles at work 'till 3AM instead of being with you.
-Locks his Blackberry so you can't see who he's chatting with.
-Would rather chat w/ his single friends than be with you.
-Told you he doesn't love you as much as before and wants a separation.
-Told you he's bored in the marriage.
-You're his servant, not his lover.

No kids? Pack you bags and go move in with Mom. TODAY!
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Old 01-27-2010, 02:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Question Re: Husband cheated twice

Thanks cody5 and LuvMyH. The thing is we both do not want to give up on the marriage already. Yesterday he asked me if I want to go away for Valentines. This was so nice of him to suggest since he does not normally celebrate Valentines. He thought we should do something special. I am so confused still since yesterday he ask about Valentines Day then in the night we had an argument and he said we should separate for a while... I cannot take this back and forth all the time. It is either he is willing to try or love trying to be in control or something.... It is driving me insane and causing me sleepless nights. I don't know if I should really give in to his request of the separation for about 3 weeks but not sure what god that would do.
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