Steps to stop an affair - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 135 (permalink) Old 08-05-2012, 11:08 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

Thanks for the explanation. I just wondered. And knowing other workplaces may be like mine, I wondered how many workplaces would care or do anything about it. Mine certainly wouldn't.

I would say if my husband cheated, we would be done. We don't have small children, and I was divorced for 10 years, so I would be fine on my own. I love him and hope he never makes that decision, but if he does, I would not/could not forgive. For me, the resentment would be too much.

I know for others, there are other circumstances at play, and some marriages make it through cheating. Mine would not. I've been cheated on in relationships before, and the pain us too much for me.
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post #107 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-12-2012, 07:06 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

I was thinking about this as a tactic:

Several weeks ago my wife send me a joke on email, but she was sloppy and also included the posOM and a 3 or 4 other guys from work. She then tried to recall the message (didn't work) and I played if off as if I didn't get it. So I had the idea this morning, or forwarding the original article linked in this thread, and put something like "Interesting article" in the subject, send it out to her little distro...then a few minutes later try to recall the mesaage (it won't work...it never does)...and sent a subtle (or not so subtle) message to WW and posOM that they are risking exposer. I was also going to do this the afternoon of his weekly visit into town where they hook up...so it fresh in their minds (fears) in an attempt to put a damper on theri romantic encounter for the week.

Bad idea? Good idea?
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post #108 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-12-2012, 08:57 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

Uh...did you just expose the affair like you should have?
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post #109 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-12-2012, 02:31 PM
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Uh...did you just expose the affair like you should have?
No I have not.
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post #110 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-12-2012, 06:24 PM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

One sure fire way to end any and all affairs.

Divorce them if married or dump them if they're a gf/bf. That either ends it with the WS coming around or them telling you to go F yourself. Either way you know what you're getting into.
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post #111 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-12-2012, 07:51 PM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

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No I have not.
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The 'tactic' that you describe is what a passive aggressive, SCARED person should do. Why not just be a man and stand up for yourself and fight the affair head on? THAT, she would be attracted to. Not the scared, needy, beta male you are describing wanting to do.

If you're trying to get her back, your plan won't work.
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post #112 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-12-2012, 07:52 PM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

By not exposing the affair, all you've guaranteed is that she and her OM lie in bed laughing about you. Sorry, but that's human nature. You failed the test by not exposing and fighting the affair.
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post #113 of 135 (permalink) Old 09-13-2012, 12:26 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

Games always fail.

Direct exposure is what you want to do, it will be the most effective and clear.
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post #114 of 135 (permalink) Old 10-18-2012, 11:35 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

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Turnera, that's exactly how I understood the original post. Thanks

If anyone on this forum has gone through an affair(regardless of which kind) and have exposed it please leave a post here. I am curious to see how it turned out for you. I know every story is different.
<font>I stumbled apon this site and read through it to try to find a way to end my wifes affair and so I brought it out into the open with the other guy with a txt, I wrote exactly what it said to, after about 2min he msg me back and apologised for what he had done and agreed to never see her again. This just happened so I will be back with the news as to weather or not it is going to work he seemed to feel really bad. This random website may have just saved my marriage!!! THANK YOU!!!
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post #115 of 135 (permalink) Old 10-18-2012, 12:02 PM
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My ex h had several affairs on me. I chose stupidly to ignore the red flags before marrying him. The affairs continued and he was living in a life full of lies. One lie after another. I chose to end the marriage. He then told everyone that it was my fault the marriage ended even though a woman moved in 3 days after I left. Now she can't understand why he cheats on her.

In my opinion you need to divorce to stop the affair. It's my number 1 deal breaker. Find a way to emotionally disconnect from her, it will be easier to leave. Work on yourself. Find things to do that make you happy and fulfilled. Fulfill your dreams without involving your wife.

Good luck.

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post #116 of 135 (permalink) Old 11-07-2012, 09:16 PM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

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post #117 of 135 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 07:42 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

Wow, after all of the late nights searching for anything that could help, I finally come across this site/post. My wife has been having an affair for over a year, which has taken quite a toll on me. It has been mostly long distance until the OM moved to our state earlier is month to be with her. She actually moved out in May and only recently filed for divorce. Although I have not exposed the affair except to two of my closest friends seeking advice from them, she has told her sister and a few of her friends. Her sister and a couple of her friends have tried to convince her to end it, but with no luck. The OM has even recently moved in with her.

I admit to having made some of the mistakes in dealing with this that many here have cautioned about, but I am now at the point of cutting off all contact except that which has to do with our son our our divorce proceedings. The thing is...I know that she realizes that what she s doing is a mistake and that she misses her "married life". I have given her the stipulation of cutting off all contact with the OM now and forever, but just like any addiction, she cannot. I've told her that I'll be moving forward with proceedings unless and until that happens.

I still love her and want to do anything and everything to save our marriage, and I feel that we still have a chance. My question is what else I can do? Her parents, for example, know that we are in proceedings, but they are unaware of the affair. Should I expose it to them and some of her other family members who still do not know? I've never confronted the OM either. Should I confront him (via email) as well, or have I let this go on for far too long?

Thanks
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post #118 of 135 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 09:17 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

Yes, tell her parents. Today! You don't want them allowing her to bring OM around their grandkids unless they have to legally (if they get married).

Don't confront OM - call his parents and his siblings and let them know what he did to your family.
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post #119 of 135 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 11:43 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

@boxer

Start your own thread, some folks will see how old the original thread is and move on.

You will get more help and advise, but be warned, you have made some big mistakes and will gets some crap for that, but for the most part, folks here can help you rework your game plan.

I suggest you get to know as much as you can about OM and do a back round check on him. Do this for your sons safety first and for most.

In addition now that the affair is now longer this secret exciting affair, the reality of day to day will start to wear on the affair/relationship.

I think once you can some how get OM out of the picture you might beable to get you family back..at the very least get your WW to be more of a mother then a girl friend to some POS.
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post #120 of 135 (permalink) Old 01-18-2013, 10:44 AM
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Re: Steps to stop an affair

Hi everyone, my story is different as the others I have read in this post. I was the one involved in a emotional affair and my wife caught me. I started to have feeling with someone in my organization, she reports to one of my direct reports. She has forgiven me, but wants her out my workplace for good. I do understand her, I will do whatever is needed to save my marriage. Due to how the company I work for is setup, I can't just fire her. Her husband knows and has forgiven both of us. He also works with us. I will talk to my boss and expose this affair, but don't know what to do! I can resign but my wife and I know their is much too lose from the professional stand point (training, future, investment, career, etc). If I make a move to get her out of the company I will lose my job as well. I have started to look for another job, but meanwhile she does not want me to go the office.
When I saw the moment I was about to lose my wife, everything stopped...including the feelings I had for the other person.
Please advise!
I am willing to expose my affair, but from ever I see this I can get rid of the other person without risking my career and what my wife and I have built for so long.
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