Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2010, 09:59 PM Thread Starter
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Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

I cheated on my husband, really out of spite, because he always denied me of sexual intimacy. I'm a very attractive woman and I get alot of attention, but I also reject all day, but at the end of the night my own husband rejects me!! One night I took up an offer to go out, tried really hard to get intimate before I went out once again the same old " I'm tired " phrase. I went out had too much to drink, was really sad, and met this really nice lookin guy I used to work with and ignored, but did'nt ignore him that night. Went home with him, 3 weeks later confessed to my husband and God, and asked them both for forgiveness. Only god forgave me :`( we attended marriage counseling and he says he has forgivin me but in EVERY argument he manages to bring it up its been over a year now. I really don't think we should go on in this marriage, because the trust is out of the window. We have been married for 5 1/2 years now.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2010, 10:50 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

Why do you keep having arguments? YOU have the ability to NOT ARGUE.

What are you doing to become the person he wants to come home to?
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-01-2010, 06:54 AM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

What made you wait 3 weeks to tell your H about it??

I know it seems unreasonable, but have you looked at everything through your H's point of view? Everytime you leave the house he's probably wondering. Thats a lot of stress. I know how he's feeling, since my H had an affair but I can also relate to how you are feeling. My H and I have talked about how if we are going to move past it we have to talk it out completely to my satisfaction and that I am not allowed to bring it up every time I am angry with him. Sometimes you have to set ground rules to get things moving along.

Have you changed things about you to where you know you won't do it again? Are these changes being seen by him?
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-01-2010, 04:02 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

I have to be honest with you here. You seem to have a very HIGH opinion of yourself? While this is healthy, I get the feeling that you think you might be just Too good?
Have you thought that your husband may be a little intimidated by your own selfworth? Men like to feel superior, they like to feel number one (not necessarily right, but the way it is)

Try flirting with your man, make him feel as attractive as you feel about yourself. Even the playing field, then he may just relax and give you what you need.

FYI there is NEVER any excuse to stray from your marriage. If you want to cheat... then leave. I have been cheated on by my husband.. so I get how your husband feels. There is no time limit too how long it takes to get over such a betrayal. Your cheating would have only made the problem worse.

It will take a LONG time to repair the damage YOU caused. You need to decide if you love your man enough to stay and work through it. Otherwise set him free, and do as you will.

Best of Luck
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-01-2010, 04:24 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

tsk tsk tsk....... Which one is bigger? Your libido or ego? Laziness seems to be a problem a lot of people have. Assuming you still love your husband are you not willing to work on it? Have you gone through the common channels of counseling or talking about you emotions and feelings, with your husband? Does he consider him self attractive? Or did he at least before you cheated? Because a cheating spouse can really hurt one's self image and make them more self conscious. Yes YOU did cheat, he claims to have forgiven you. Does that not show that he still loves you? And you are willing to throw that out the window? After you have decided what you next action will be, if it is to stay and put the needed work in. Let him know that you have needs. Try making him feel good about him self and attractive. Let him know you think hes a hot piece of ass and you want him, and please let him be man.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-02-2010, 05:10 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

How do these arguments start? Is it one of those things that he pulls out of nowhere to pull you down? If he does that then that is not really fighting fair, and he still has some resentment towards that event and you and he should continue counseling to work out those differences.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-02-2010, 06:16 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

I am not exactly sure what thinking so HIGH of yourself has to do with whats going on with you and your H. Is that saying that other men would love to sleep with you? Cause the reality is you have been married 5 years and you need to always keep things lit and you cant have him doing all the work. I think that what you did was selfish and if you did want something more you should have taken him to sex therapy or something or tried to get things rolling again.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-02-2010, 09:38 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

My wife cheated on me for 12 years. I had the whole thing dropped on me at once July 4th of 2009. I have been able to forgive her completely even thought it still hurts to think about it.

The important point that I want to make is that I was only able to forgive her and restore our marriage because of the way she approached me. Her attitude and her strong desire to be forgiven were demonstrated in such a dramatic fashion that I was able to put my own pain aside long enough to try to understand how truly sorry she was.

If you want to know what her attitude was like, I have posted a pretty good description of it on a blog I started. If you want to read it, it may give you some insight. There is nothing for sale on the site. I am just posting on it to try to help others who have been through or are going through infidelity.

It's called Surviving Infidelity In Marriage.

This is not really a site that comforts those who wish to defend their position. It is designed to offer ideas to those who really want to do their part to make things right again.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-02-2010, 09:52 PM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

I'm more than a little tired of this 'be the person he/she wants you to be.'

It's fine to take that into account. It's also fine to decide that you don't want to be the person they want you to be.

Be the person you want to be.

Can't give you a pass on the adultery, but don't feel the need to beat you up for it either.

Move on.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 10:41 AM
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Re: Biggest Mistake of My Life!!!!!!

You cheated because you put your own wants and needs ahead of your husband's in an act of selfishness. When he looks at you he sees you doing untold acts with another man. His mind probably embellishes everything that happened past the point of reality. He wonders what you did, did you cuddle with the guy, did you do things for him, to him etc.. that you don't do with him. He sees this movie over and over and over in his mind. Its torture for him and while he wants to love you and forgive you he can't forget it. Only time will heal that--if even that.

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