just some random thoughts
Posted several times, but basically my wife had an EA after 16 years of marriage, short-term, was ready to turn it into a PA, I found out, confronted her, she did the NC, and I've gone through hell and back - like many of you.
We've reconciled, and have moved on, but I still have triggers that occasionally come up. Problem is that we have agreed, after much discussion and counseling, to put the EA behind us, recognize it for what it was, and both of us have made signficant changes in our lives = better marriage overall. I consider it, so far, a success story for many reasons. Perhaps the biggest reason, and the point of my post, is that I am a better person.
After dday, and after much counseling and self-help, I lost tons of weight, became more actively involved in my kids' lifes, ceased countless unhealthy addictions/habits, and have gained tremendous confidence in myself as a person. This certainly has contributed to the reconciliation as well.
I experienced a sizeable trigger this morning, and didn't know how to react. The trigger is not important, but I had an hour or two of hell to live through as I relived old feelings, hurt, etc. until such time as we had a chance to talk.
During this 1-2 hours of hell, I suddenly realized that I was slipping into my "old" ways, have gained a few pounds back, and other minor changes had been happening. Then I recalled all the advice I had read about bettering myself, and how much that would ultimately help me in the long run, regardless of my marriage situation. Needless to say, it was a good reminder of what I have accomplished, and I am now refocused on myself, on ME, the same way I was during my hell experienced after dday.
During our "talk" about this trigger, she said she has nothing to hide, I can see anything I want, etc. - I simply told her that while I have made the decision to trust her completely, there would be triggers that happen where I may need reassurance.
Don't know if any of this makes sense (that's why it's "random thoughts") but I wanted to share a little and see if others had made significant changes in their lives after dday, and find themselves slipping during the R process.
thanks for reading and any comments or thoughts!