Infidelity and all the lies
I want to share what has happened in the last week~this is for all the BS's out there. First let me say that I applaud those for the very hard and long road of reconciliation if that is what you have chosen after a spouse has been unfaithful to you. I hope that those who have decided to stay in their marriage will have a good outcome and also to those who decide to divorce.
I have been separated from my husband for over two years now. We had a house that needed to sell and were just trying to figure out where we each needed to be with our 27 years together-that last two apart as I moved to another state with my kids after I found out about his affair with his co-worker. We have gone back and forth and I have literally been in limbo with my main concern not wanting my children to grow up without their father. So, we have discussed getting back together although I was well aware that he had been talking to other women on a foreign dating site since two months after I left. I have been confused for so long about where my marriage and life was headed but am no longer.
This summer, one of my daughters was having a crisis which made it necessary for me to go back to his state for a few days as she was visiting him. He tried to come on to me, but thank God I said no. I told him we needed to get our issues figured out first and make a final decision. He would be open, there were no secrets between us anymore, he didn't feel a lot of anything for this second other woman, etc. I started to buy it and believe it. I told him complete transparency was necessary-passwords, FB, email all open and he agreed saying he had nothing to hide at all.
He left his secret email account open one day and yes; I looked. What I saw was shocking and I still can not believe that this man is the same person I used to know. He has been talking and meeting up with over the past year four different women, is trying to get one to move to the US from her country to be his "life partner.", wants to give one a baby(!) He is in his early 50's and has five children already, has been telling two of them how much he loves them, misses them, and the usual sex talk of course. He has blamed me completely for the failure of the marriage and said the only reason was that I was unhappy for some reason, he never really loved me, etc. I am amazed that these women believe that as for me; I admit that I was a part of the failure of this marriage as it takes two, but what he is saying is he had *nothing* to do with the breakdown of it. He did nothing wrong and can't figure out what my problem was according to him. One of these women's husband had an affair with a co-worker also. My husband comforted her, said he felt so bad for her, he should never have betrayed her like that and on and on. Totally unbelievable! (the karma bus hit him last year when he wired over $4000 to a woman in China that he never got back of course!)
The saddest thing is he tells his kids he can not take any extra days off work to come and see them extra as he has no money. He is in a health related field and very successful and has been taking many trips to visit these women overseas or fly them here and paying for all expenses but can't stay an extra day or two to see his own children.
I guess I want to put out a be wary at all times warning for those of you starting to trust again. When I read people post: "I never thought he/she would do this in a million years!" Well; that is me. My whole vision of him has been shattered. He lies to me, these other women, his children and his parents as he is Catholic and will not tell them he has girlfriends-yes; he told me this himself.
I have not confronted him and will not. I am moving forward and not looking back and protecting my children as much as I can. I will never talk bad about him as they are young and don't need to know that their Dad chooses others over him. It hurts my heart to the core as I want to scream out what a d*** he has been. I am also so relieved I read what I did. I would have questioned getting back together or not with him for the rest of my life.
He still tells me all the time how very happy he is now. Duping everyone around you and putting up a false pretense of who you really are-if you even know!-does not make you happy in my book.
I am truly moving on and am done putting any of my time or focus on him. No more wondering and questioning any decisions about this marriage.
I so dislike the pain and lies of betrayal. Please protect yourself whatever path you take!