Think I know, but would appreciate advice
First let me say thanks to everyone here. This is a great forum and I've found it very helpful this week. I only wish I'd found it sooner.
I discovered text messages between my wife and another man in early July which led to what I now know is a NC letter, or text rather, soon after. Of course that isn't the end of the story, in late July I discovered a facebook conversation with a mutual friend of theirs where she was relaying messages for them, at this point they all knew I was checking her phone and AT&T's records. At this point I would really like to hear your opinions and advice. There is a lot to tell and I may bounce around a bit. Also, I apologize if this is lengthy.
A little backstory on my wife and I. Met at the end of high school, married a year later, our first kid arrived later that year. A few years later we had our 2nd. Now we've been married for 14 years and have a 13 & a 10 year old. My wife has had many health issues and some of these led to her full hysterectomy at 25, 7 years ago, and she still has not got her hormones balanced out. Also, a contributing factor could be that I was secretly addicted to porn, a fact that came to light just after our first child was born. It took many years to curb the addiction and move on, although she says she still feels resentment, recently reiterated.
On the morning after July 4th I woke up for work, yes I had to work on the 5th or use vacation! Things had been feeling off lately and I had noticed for several weeks her phone was never left out, always with her, she literally slept on top of it. So after we went to one of her family members who lived in the country on the 4th to shoot fireworks we came home when everyone was moving to their cars, her nephew and his pregnant wife stopped by for a few hours as well, but again I went to bed while they were still up. So the guests left in the wee hours and my wife had crashed on the couch and her phone was on the coffee table. I got up for work and on a hunch I picked it up and carried it to the bedroom and this is a transcript of the conversation I found, I do have the actual messages saved, I used F for the messages from the OM and T for the messages my wife sent to him, she had deleted most of their messages so idk what he's saying sorry about in the first text, but he then asks if she's back home:
(Some notes to help you follow along: ****head is his one of his roommates cat; I am '****er'; the car he's working on was one of ours, I met him when we dropped it off so he could work on the struts for me, they pretended they didn't know each other)
F: Im sorry u home already
T: I'm home but everyone is awake
F: That sucks
T: Soon though
F: U think so
T: Yea u gonna b up for a while?
F: I think so
T: U wanna c me
F: ? Is do u wanna c me
T: U know the answer to that
T: I love u
F: And u know ur answer
T: Do I? No jk. I will b there soon as I can
F: Ok sexy
T: Awe ur to sweet
T: Don't delete the pic of u me and ****head
F: I saved it b4 i deleted my messages
T: Ok cuz I need to delete it so ****er don't c it
F: Kinda figured so im cooking eggs
F: Absolute boredom
T: Sorry baby
F: 7 eggs is that too much lol
T: Oh **** bring on the egg farts. Lol
F: Yea just a little
T: They don't scare me
F: Good 2 know
T: I'm not easily scared
F: So ive learned
T: Not even ur critters can run me off
F: My critters lmao
F: Lil **** loves eggs
T: Oh lord that one stinks as it is
F: Lol well he does love eggs
T: I love u
F: I love u too baby
T: Soon as they ****ing leave I'm gonna c u
F: Who's they ?
T: My nephew N his wife
F: Ah well i dont know if im gonna stay up real late
T: Well **** me then. Ill make a way to c u tomorrow
F: Im sorry sweetness just dont wanna be up all night i do have to work on ur car some time
T: I know baby. Just wanted to c u but I understand
F: How was ur day
T: It was ok once we got out to foyil
F: Yea thats was proably very nice
T: Yeah I miss my family and he's nicer with other people around
F: Yea i bet u had a good time
T: I did but it would have been perfect if u were the one with me
F: I think u r right
F: I miss being next to u
T: Me too
F: What are u doing
This conversation had started the morning of the 4th and was 300 texts back and forth. I also found that in a month and half prior to this about 6,000 messages had been exchanged between them. She claimed this guy was gay at first, I had actually met him once and I thought it odd she mentioned that out of the blue then, but has since admitted he's bisexual and that they had, one time, made out for a couple minutes. That fact just came out yesterday, after being told she had rebuffed an attempted kiss from him. I've been getting TT this whole time.
Also admitted yesterday, she worked a night shift stocking shelves for the last year. She met the mutual friend, which now I know as a TF, there and they both met this guy in late May. Well the TF was stealing, and even rang my wife up leaving out a few items on the bill. This was found and the TF arrested, and my wife just fired. The thing is, my wife and her friend led me to believe they were still working, for almost 4 weeks, even after the messages on the 4th were found. There were afraid I wouldn't let my wife see her TF any more they say. So the two of them were out all thru the night 3-4 nights a week or more sometimes and frequently went to the OM's place where there were always 'other people' around. At first she was just crashing at the TF's house but I found receipts from gas station close to the OM's place, then she fessed up. One last thing, the TF, the OM and all these people are single 20 something's who drink all night every night and most don't even work. That's the crowd she chose over me and the kids...
OK, that's a long story. Any thoughts? Advice? Any possibility that while she admits she was emotionally connected this wasn't more that the little bit of PA I heard about yesterday. Or just Any chance I can convince her that we can get her to admit it? I'd stay, but only with the whole truth and MC. Also, I'm not sure how hard to push but I insisted on a polygraph about a week ago, then yesterday she was ready to split until she revealed the job thing and was supposedly well, then I pressed a bit more and the PA finally came out. Now I think I may need to insist on the poly again because I have serious doubts. I didn't go over the 2nd DDay involving FB chat, but I can post that transcript as well if this isn't sufficient.
Thanks to those who made it all the way through that. And thanks again for all you do here.