What is the point of a NC Letter?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 08-17-2013, 08:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What is the point of a NC Letter?

I have read answers to this question before on this forum but I can't find it tonight.

Moderators can delete this if it's a repeat.

One of my friends is contacted every so often by an old HS boyfriend. The guy is a loser and she wants nothing to to with him. Told him she was happy and wishes him well. HIS girlfriend found out and made him send my girlfriend a NC letter. He did send the letter but wrote an email on a secret email account telling my girlfriend the NC letter was not how he felt but he wanted to appease his girlfriend.

My friend told him to basically take a hike and not get her involved in his pathetic life.

So if you write a NC letter and you intend on doing it for false R, it's silly and, if you intend on a true R, does it really make a difference whether you write one or not as long as your actions of R our true.

I don't think it would help me as a BS, if my WS sent his AP a NC letter. (my husband would still be writing there were so many affairs).

But seriously, was this a big factor in your Reconciliation process??
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is the point of a NC Letter?

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Originally Posted by Rugs View Post
I have read answers to this question before on this forum but I can't find it tonight.

Moderators can delete this if it's a repeat.

One of my friends is contacted every so often by an old HS boyfriend. The guy is a loser and she wants nothing to to with him. Told him she was happy and wishes him well. HIS girlfriend found out and made him send my girlfriend a NC letter. He did send the letter but wrote an email on a secret email account telling my girlfriend the NC letter was not how he felt but he wanted to appease his girlfriend.

My friend told him to basically take a hike and not get her involved in his pathetic life.

So if you write a NC letter and you intend on doing it for false R, it's silly and, if you intend on a true R, does it really make a difference whether you write one or not as long as your actions of R our true.

I don't think it would help me as a BS, if my WS sent his AP a NC letter. (my husband would still be writing there were so many affairs).

But seriously, was this a big factor in your Reconciliation process??
I wrote my AP what I now realise was a NC letter.

It was important to me as it put an end to the stupid affair that should never have happened.
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is the point of a NC Letter?

Matt, if YOU came to the conclusion it would help you, I understand but I see a lot of advice on the forum saying BS must insist on a NC letter and I don't know what this accomplishes.

It would seem this letter has to come from the WS when and if she feels it is necessary.

If I were. WS that truly wanted to reconcile, I think I would need some time to write this letter in my own time on my own terms. Maybe say, "it's over, and I am staying with my SO. I will send you a better explanation of what has happened in my life when I have my thoughts together.

In someways, I can see this being okay and mature and in some ways it seems like one last love letter that says, "you are still worth writing to". I don't think it would help me as a BS and I would always be suspect of my WS anyway.

It sounds like you needed to write one and you stuck to it and it helped.
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Old 08-17-2013, 09:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is the point of a NC Letter?

I don't see the value in a NC letter other than as some level of proof to one's spouse that they have ceased inappropriate contact. If I didn't wish to get letters from someone, I wouldn't write them letters and I wouldn't respond to those they wrote. If someone breaks contact only because their husband or wife ordered it, the break isn't worth much. Folks who aren't committed aren't committed and it really doesn't matter who they happen to be talking to this week.
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Old 08-17-2013, 10:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is the point of a NC Letter?

To each his own. I didn't make my WW write one. She had already ended her PA and I didn't see the point. And how do you know the OM even reads it or believes it. My WW told me what see said to the OM when she broke it off and I was happy with it. I can see a lot of situations where you might need one, mine was just not one of them.
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