lisf

Hi all,
my husband went to Vegas recently with male friends for a bachelor’s party. I did not like the idea at all, but we have been having problems for a while, and we weren’t really talking, so he went. The day that he came back, we talked for a long time about our problems and everything seemed to be fixed.

However, the next day, I would be walking by his computer and he would be on facebook, every time looking at a different girl’s profile. So I asked him why he was doing that, since they didn’t look like his friends. He said they were friends of friends and he was just looking. I said ok and left the room. Not a minute later, he comes to me saying that he actually talked to a girl in Vegas at a bar, for no longer than 15 minutes, and that he was trying to find her on facebook, since he didn’t have her name, just her home town. He went through the trouble of searching for people’s statuses that contained the word “vegas” on them…. He then said that he hadn’t realized how bad that looked and that he was extremely sorry for having done it. It really hurt me. I can’t get that out of my mind, on top of the regular problems we have been having.

Any comments?

stillINshock

go with your gut and ask many many questions. in your mind at least. you're in a forum where people trusted and were burned. its honorable that he provided as much info as he did...but. your gut knows something you need to find out. can you check with any friends?

Tanelornpete

Yes, it seems honorable that he provided that information, but my gut instinct is that that was a deflection - a way of getting you to look one way while he did something else (that's how many magic tricks are performed).

Burning questions:

WHY does he need to find ANY information about some girl he met in a bar in Vegas?

What business does he have looking up 'friends of friends'?

Why automatically lie, instead of telling you what he came to tell you later?

(My guess here: it took a while for him to come up with an answer that he figured you'd accept.)

I'm assuming that he agrees with you that there are some things to work on in your marriage. In what way does running off to Vegas, hanging out in bars with strange women, and perusing Facebook gazing at women's profiles help the both of you fix the troubles in your marriage?

Tanelornpete

Very well said, Mrs. Levine! Wonderful!

turnera

What can YOU do to improve your marriage, to make HIM happier, to make HIM want to rush home to you every day?