I have a developed a crush on my personal trainer. We flirt with each other at the gym. We're both married and don't want to leave our spouses.
I thought this was some harmelss fun and has created a lot of excitement for me and I would think him as well.
This has been going on for about a month. There has been no sex or physical contact other than what trainers normally do in the gym. But he knows I am attracted to him and he says he feels the same..
We had a talk about this and agreed to keep it at the gym. Then he wanted to increase the number of days for training from occasional, to 4 times per week and now 5 times per week. I was ok with that..it was fun for me. I figured he was genuinely interested in helping me attain my workout goals.
We had a rather intense workout the other day and I could see that he was physically excited over it. He even called me afterwards to ask how I was feeling. he tells me that I look good, etc... and he makes me feel good about myself. He treats me like an athlete (sounds funny, but true)
So, I decided to ramp it up a little and I wrote him a short couple of verses filled with passion and desire.
I thought he'd get a kick out of it........boy was I wrong.
It wasn't a filthy poem but a very passionate one...no 4-letter words or anthing like that. There was no professing of undying love and I never asked him to consider leaving his wife. It was just a little "discussion" of a fantasy.
I guess it was a big mistake and he seemed quite aggitated afterwards...even angry. I told him that my attention was not to upset him or cause anger...he said he wasn't mad.
Then he cut our workout short...patted me on the head...and left.
I thought I was just having a little flirty fun with him.... and now I feel like he considers this an affair.
Please don't tell me I'm a low-life or something along those lines..I have been with my husband 10 years and never looked at another man. This trainer is someone special and something just clicked with him...but I was trying to keep it under control.
no I was in the same situation with a co worker I dont think its a affair. I think that people just get caught up and excited that people are paying attention to them and its new and fresh. I think that the best thing in this situation is just to start easing back cause you guys dont want to venture down that road its so messy. And never turns out good.
I would never show my husband the note..he would lose it.
I resist cutting it off with him, because he is an excellent trainer and I don't want to kill that aspect of our relationship. He's been instrumental in helping me get where I want to be physically.
I believe I could continue the relationship as a friendship which is what I thought it was anyway, but I'm not sure about him.
no you cant. are you kidding me there is no way you already admitted to liking each other so your being a fool to continue that road. and you will only hurt yourself.
I would never show my husband the note..he would lose it.
Well there's your answer.
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I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
Yes, unfortunately, this is truly an affair. It's at the emotional level right now, but these things occur on a continuum - it will progress until your marriage is destroyed - or you call it off.
And that's not an easy task. But if your marriage means anything to you, you definitely need to take the steps necessary.
Agreed. EA. If you can't share every detail with your H, get out of it. Or get out of your marriage. Are you ready for that? Don't be stupid. There a a million trainers our their. And he's probably doing this to more than just you. Get out and get real.
I think no matter how people answer your question, the real question is how are you going to proceed from here?
If you drop him and find a new trainer then you've done the right thing. Be proud of yourself and hold your head high.
If you try to excuse your behavior, and continue to work with him, then you are going to ruin your marriage.
And I'm sorry - when you say you could see that he was physically excited - does that mean what I think it means? Hypothetical question only - don't answer.
Then he wanted to increase the number of days for training from occasional, to 4 times per week and now 5 times per week. I was ok with that..it was fun for me. I figured he was genuinely interested in helping me attain my workout goals.
Did you have to pay more for the extra session a week?
I think it was an affair because you would have gone farther had he not gotten upset. you took it one step further. in your heart you were willing to do more. so even though you never actually committed the act, your intentions were there.
I would never show my husband the note..he would lose it.
I resist cutting it off with him, because he is an excellent trainer and I don't want to kill that aspect of our relationship. He's been instrumental in helping me get where I want to be physically.
I believe I could continue the relationship as a friendship which is what I thought it was anyway, but I'm not sure about him.
Lets be clear here as well. He's a personal trainer. Chicks fall for these guys all the time. He's handsome and is paying you personal attention... women dig that stuff so hard. He's probably got like 4-5 married chicks giddy and wet over him every week. Then you "went crazy on him" and started writing love notes, which is about 5 minutes away from you having some dramatic blow up in the gym and getting him fired and divorced. You're basically scaring the crap out of him.
Also if you husband is remotely paying attention to you - he knows something is going on. He likely has no clue how to stop you from going after this other guy. The whole thing of having a personal trainer in the first place is probably making your husband very nervous. Women fall for personal trainers like men fall for strippers.
The solution is pretty obvious. You need to either find a new gym, or drop this relationship.
I can assure you though based on your trainers reaction to you. He is never going to have sex with you. Which is obviously what you wanted to happen. You're a customer, he just wants to get paid.
__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
Am I Having An Affair?
