My marriage fell apart 10 months ago, I had been having an online emotional affair with someone I met through a gaming site.My wife found out,and as you can imagine, it was devastating for her to think I had betrayed her in that way.For some years prior to that I had been posting sexual innuendos to women as well...this was also found out.
You should be in regular therapy with a good therapist in order to explore and work on these problems. Have you quit the gaming sites, gone totally NC with your AP, given your wife all your passwords? Your wife needs to see you changing. So long as you're still the very same person who devastated and betrayed her, it's no good.
Basically, since the date of being discovered about my infidelity I have tried to heal and patch things up....sometimes all I want to do is sweep it all away under the carpet!
These two things are completely
at odds. If you really want to help your spouse heal, you need to address her concerns and give her what she asks for. You can't rush her out of her pain or band-aid this. No sweeping under the rug at all. That would be another betrayal on top of the EAs. I know you wish it hadn't happened, but it did, and you can't make it go away. So what have you been doing to help your wife?
She is going to keep questioning a lot of what you say and do. Keep answering, but don't expect that your words should mean something to her, not for a while. She feels like you're someone else, like she never knew you. Almost like a thief that broke into her life and stole everything good that she thought she had, even the person she loved. You're starting pretty much from scratch and your credibility is gone. Your word is dirt to her now, you know? You're going to have to show her that you can be someone worthy of her belief and some measure of trust.
There are some great posts on TAM for understanding what a BS goes through and how the WS can help them work through it. I think understanding the magnitude of the destruction such betrayal wreaks on the BS is imperative. Reading and reflecting on those posts was one of the first things I did when I came to TAM.
Something else to keep in mind is that your wife is still there, so maybe you should spend some time reflecting on what you value about your wife and your marriage and how grateful you are that she's still there for you to attempt to reconcile with. Have you told her that? Think of how you'd feel if she disappeared from your life forever. Think about what you are really willing and able to do to prevent that from happening.
The Reconciliation thread is a great resource, too. When I would feel overwhelmed or hopeless, the people there would offer encouragement or reminders, or give me a different perspective on things. It was and is very helpful.
I'm a former wayward (like you, I had EAs), and my partner and I have recently entered the reconciliation process. It was not easy getting there. Don't expect your wife to be okay, not for a long time.
That hasn't worked, I've had an online council session,and 1 on 1 councilling, both those didn't help me.I need help on how to really save my marriage and heal my wife .We are limping along at the moment..some fairly good days but mainly bad! if anyone can help me I would be glad to hear from you.
Again, I think you really need to get into regular IC and MC as well. Picking up the pieces after infidelity usually requires the assistance of at least one skilled professional. Certainly it will improve your chances of a successful reconciliation.