Help please 3months n I still wana start a family....I think

lovebug82 · 02-08-2010, 11:15 PM

It's been 3months since my husband cheated...I'm soo confused we r newly weds but been together for 10 years it still hurts a lot I'm trying to move on with our lives but it is soo hard we were trying for a baby before his infidelty one night stand with a stranger that he say was a hookup hi friend called over n he was wasted n they didn't kiss just sex then he ran home I was away for the night with my mom wen I got home he told me everything...I know a baby won't solve our problems but I am soo ready for a family n I do love my h soo much even though it's more of a love hate sad relationships right now...wut do I do stay keep working on this n continue were we left off or wait on kids n now have to be sad about this n having to wait even longer for kids I repeat a lot sorry I'm just looking for as many responses as possible I haven't spoke a word to anyone..this is the short version of my story lol my full thread is listed in a nov post thanks xoxo
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TNgirl232 · 02-09-2010, 12:07 AM

The question you have to ask yourself - is it fair to the child to introduce them into an unstable situation? Because when a child is involved it is no longer about your needs and wants completly...it is what they need as well. You have to decide if you want to subject a child to a potentially stressful living environment from the get go.

I would personally wait and make sure that you guys are going to pull through this. You've got plenty of time to have kids.

stillINshock · 02-09-2010, 12:09 AM

Sorry to say it, but kids bring even more relationship stress.

They bring love too. But... if you have any worries about your foundation, multiply it many times over. Can you still handle it?

My H had an "affair" with porn behind my back when we were trying for our first, then a real PA when we had our second, and an EA (that was probably also a PA) when we had our third. I'm serious. He just couldn't handle the baby/toddler stress and dealt with it in the worst, most selfish and hurtful way.

Put it this way, if YOU seriously want to have kids with this man, make sure you are ok with someday being a single mom. Just in case. Make it a measure for yourself. Hopefully that won't happen, and I'm probably painting a worst case scenario, but...

I'm so sorry. Good luck with your decision.

TammyH · 02-09-2010, 09:59 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Personally, I don't know that I could ever continue a relationship with someone who has cheated on me. But I've known people who were able to get passed it (or at least it appears that they have) and I've known others who could not. Bringing children into a home with uncertainty would probably be irresponsible, in my opinion. I understand that your want for children is very great right now, but holding off until you have worked through the infidelity issues, may prove to be better for everyone involved in the long run. I believe all things happen for a reason. Take a step back and see if your husband is really who you are meant to be with or if you are staying with him because you already have so much time invested. Only you can figure that out. Best wishes.

MrsInPain · 02-09-2010, 10:06 PM

I have been in your situation, and I can say I am honestly extremely glad that I decided NOT to have children with my H so far. Because 6 months later I found out about ANOTHER affair. Wait, please. I know babies seem amazing and full of joy, but you will just regret not having waited for the stability that is needed to raise a healthy child.