Thanks Squeakr, I definitely won't be involving the OW because unfortunately (or fortunately - not sure which) there isn't a specific other women. Just lots and lots and lots of swingers and no-strings-attached sex partners :-(
I think my 13 year old already pretty much understands that her dad cheated but my 8 year old son really has no idea and I want him to understand the problem without going into any real level of detail.
I was thinking of saying that "Daddy has other girlfriends and that's not ok when you're married. But it doesn't change the fact that daddy and I will always care about each other and love you more than anything in the world"
Is that too much info or too little?
my kids were 8 and 9 when I had this same dilemma
We had lived so many lies with the stbx that I vowed they'd get no more She may lie through her teeth but I decided I was not going to do that especially as it 'gets her off the hook' so to speak.
The day she left my kids had "I'm going because I have hurt daddy too much and I have to go" which kind of was okay for the instant truth (which it was) but that soon produced a stream of "what did mummy do to hurt you daddy" which they would never stop asking curiosity etc etc
I eventually said to her you tell them in your own way or I will. She told me to fk off!
So I sat them down explained the basic rules of marriage. But they already had their own views of intimacy "romantic moments" from before. They opined "so do you mean those vows you take when you get married dad" and you should not have 'romantic moments' with other people"
I was gobsmacked they already knew in truth - not in gory detail but the fundamental issues.
Once they knew this they were fine. To be honest, they knew it was wrong very wrong, but I emphasised that it was nothing to do with them, mummy daddy both loved them and that would never change etc etc, and they were okay with it.
I felt much better because I had stopped deflecting it effectively stopped lying about it.
I also took the view that later in years they'd come back at me with "she was always lying about everything and so were you too" I wont have that problem ever again
...she will tho