Hi, I'm new here, stuck with a massive dilemma! Any help greatly appreciated!
I've been with my now fiancÚ, over 2 years, things are great, we have our ups and downs, but all in all we're a pretty perfect couple!
The fiance has to go overseas with work for 4 months, I'm ok with this, we talk on the phone, everything seems good! Now, we're 1 month in...
She has met a new 'friend' out there, a guy. Originally, he is just a friend who she can hang out with, someone who has the same interests, which I'm ok with. After a few days, it comes out that she finds this guy attractive, and after some more chat, she eventually tells me she 'fancies' this guy, she likes this guy, and has been having sexual thoughts/fantasies about him, she also tells me that she has started to feel distant from me while she's been gone.
Obviously I wasn't happy about this, so I subtly talk to her about it. Now she's replied that she is going to keep seeing this guy, because he's a nice guy, and she wants to stay good friends with him, even when they return back to this country, and when I ask, she tells me I have nothing to worry about.
When I questioned her about it, she says she wish she hadn't told me, because now she feels bad about what she's doing, though she is continuing to see this guy! I don't want to be the guy who stops his girl having friends, but I feel like I should put a stop to this and/or end our relationship if she has been unfaithful!
Am I over reacting here? It sounds a little fishy to me, what are people's thoughts?
As a general rule of thumb, if I am doing anything I know my husband would be uncomfortable with knowing about, I stop. This was true even when he was my husband-to-be.
She now feels bad she told you she was attracted to him? Sounds like she's falling down the rabbit hole if she hasn't already...
Definitely sounds like EA, possibly PA. I'd put your foot down. Turn it around on her - how would she feel if you had a female friend you told her you were attracted to and were having sexual thoughts about? One that you refused to stop hanging out with?
If she doesn't understand that, then maybe it's better you two didn't make it down the aisle yet. I'm sorry you're in this position.
She's dating another man. You should have a problem with that and she should stop it immediately. If she doesn't see the slippery slope that this situation presents, you shouldn't be wasting your time with this woman.
She is cheating on you. She has already slept with him. She is now giving you the back story to "not hurt your feelings".
Drop her like a hot potato. She is your fiance, not someone you are dating where there is no commitment. Tell her to enjoy her new "friend" and btw the engagement is off, that you have no interest in being friends with a fiance who has no idea what boundaries are in being a fiance.