Re: My wife cheated on me. I don't know if I can stay in this marriage
I fear this is no more than the tip of the iceberg. She's a serial cheater, a trill seeker, she surely was a serial cheater before you met her, this is who she is, after catching her at least twice you can't delude yourself thinking it's a one time mistake built after a very long dying relationship, perfect storm sort of.
Serial cheaters don't change, it's what works for them, the double life where the BS is the safety net, convenient long term partner but their emotional life is focused on the - always changing - cake on the side.
If you are not ready to pull the trigger ASAP make your demands.
Complete transparence in comunication devices and whereabouts, with no hesitation.
Full disclosure (to back up with a poly).
No reminders, gits, mementoes, defiled underwear...
No toxic friends, people in the know...
Even she agrees to this you need to become a serious PI and snoop on her back like yesterday (be sure she didn't went underground) and then put the ball on her court, demand to get help (IC, books, online readings) to fix what she broke.
My take is she will reject, bargain, deflect, delay... everything as you are already seeing how she get pissed of when you check on her.
BTW, has this new OM a wife or SO? She needs to be informed ASAP. Do it without warning your wife, just do it and let the chips fall where they may.
I'm sorry you had to be here man.
Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos