Originally Posted by nappilymarried
well i wrote my husband along letter letting him know that i wont speak to or see him until he can be honest with me. i made sure i told him exactly why. im pretty sure hes gotten it, because he checks his email everyday. but he hasnt responed. this could mean that hes trying to get his thoughts together or maybe he just doesnt care. i dont know. either way i have to admit, it does feel like a huge weight has been lifed off my shoulers since i did that. taking myself out of the picture was the best advice ever. thanks. im still not sure aout him or my marraige but im going to be ok.
Awesome! Good for you!
I hope you keep coming back here to keep things posted - things will get difficult in the future -
From here things go one of two ways - either he really doesn't care, or he does and will want to come back.
If he doesn't care at all, you won't hear from him much over the next few months - maybe once in a while to see if he can get something from you.
But if he DOES care:
For a while he most likely will try to spin things to get you to take him back.
You probably won't hear from him for a while - at first he will be angry that you would be so 'cold' - but then he will begin to miss all you provide for him - all the support that gave him 'permission' to do the things he did.
This is where it gets hard. He has to be able to provide these things for himself. And once he has to provide them for hiimself, he'll begin to see how foolish and hurtful they are - and how badly they blow up in his face. So you have to be strong.
Don't give in, no matter how miserable he sounds.
When he is strong, resourceful, competent, and also admits that he was wrong - AND -
lets you know HOW he has been working to improve himself - the things he's done, the ways he's been wrong, the steps he's taken -
THEN you can begin to consider opening yourself up to him more.
This CAN work for you.
And if it doesn't - you will ALWAYS know you did EVERYTHING in your power to make it work, and you did not fail
. You will be strong! You can do it.