im back

Tanelornpete · 03-05-2010, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nappilymarried

well i wrote my husband along letter letting him know that i wont speak to or see him until he can be honest with me. i made sure i told him exactly why. im pretty sure hes gotten it, because he checks his email everyday. but he hasnt responed. this could mean that hes trying to get his thoughts together or maybe he just doesnt care. i dont know. either way i have to admit, it does feel like a huge weight has been lifed off my shoulers since i did that. taking myself out of the picture was the best advice ever. thanks. im still not sure aout him or my marraige but im going to be ok.

Awesome! Good for you!

I hope you keep coming back here to keep things posted - things will get difficult in the future -

From here things go one of two ways - either he really doesn't care, or he does and will want to come back.

If he doesn't care at all, you won't hear from him much over the next few months - maybe once in a while to see if he can get something from you.

But if he DOES care:

For a while he most likely will try to spin things to get you to take him back.

You probably won't hear from him for a while - at first he will be angry that you would be so 'cold' - but then he will begin to miss all you provide for him - all the support that gave him 'permission' to do the things he did.

This is where it gets hard. He has to be able to provide these things for himself. And once he has to provide them for hiimself, he'll begin to see how foolish and hurtful they are - and how badly they blow up in his face. So you have to be strong. Don't give in, no matter how miserable he sounds.

When he is strong, resourceful, competent, and also admits that he was wrong - AND -

lets you know HOW he has been working to improve himself - the things he's done, the ways he's been wrong, the steps he's taken -

THEN you can begin to consider opening yourself up to him more.

This CAN work for you.

And if it doesn't - you will ALWAYS know you did EVERYTHING in your power to make it work, and you did not fail. You will be strong! You can do it.

nappilymarried · 03-05-2010, 07:33 PM

my husband sent me a message saying that he got my email and that he knows i dont want to talk to him. i told him that i was tired of setting myself up to get hurt and then i said goodbye, his reply was"so its like that?" no im sorrry or anything. i couldnt really tell if he was mad or what?. just seems like he still doesnt take me seriously or just doesnt care.

Affaircare · 03-05-2010, 07:48 PM

No, he wants to see if he can bait you into dancing the same steps you've been dancing all along. For example, he's checking you to see if you really mean it or are you saying words you won't back up.

nappily, do not worry about him right now and do not reply to him again. Even if he calls, txts and emails all night, do not reply. If you have to, turn off your phone and block him from emails to show him you mean it and you will not dance anymore.

He is a grown man. He can choose to act faithful to you. He knows what he has to do in order to be part of your life. Now be strong for yourself and for him. You can do it!

nappilymarried · 03-05-2010, 08:22 PM

thanks aff. i know you are right because he tried to send me a message while i was on facebook, telling me that hes there for me when im ready..omg! he knows full well i told him that i wasnt talking to him until HE was honest and true to our marriage.the ball is in his court. i logged off, before he could send me more bs. i know this dance. and i refuse to be his dance partner anymore!

Tanelornpete · 03-06-2010, 12:54 AM

You should probably remove him from your friends list on Facebook to save yourself some stress.

The next few days are going to be tough - he'll try a lot of ways to get you to respond to him - be prepared for anything.

Also, this will be a tough time for YOU - you have to get over the 'addiction' of how you are tied up with him. It will take some time for things to get to a more normal feeling for you - please keep coming here - we'll be here watching to help you any way we can.

Thinking about and praying for you...

Affaircare · 03-06-2010, 01:03 AM

Agreed with Tanelorn 100%. You will be tempted to "peek" and see if he's trying to contact....he will say things specifically to stir you up so you *will* contact...and nappily the very best thing you can do is make a promise to come here and talk it out before you reply to him at all.

We are here and we are praying for you.