RoaringMB

My husband doesn't know that I have caught him texting a female coworker at night and on weekends. So far, she has been the primary initiator, texting late at night, then he responds the next day on his way to work. But he has been hiding this from me by deleting her messages and lying about who is texting him. I have seen his replies to her. Some are innocent, some could be considered flirting. If it was completely innocent, though, there would be nothing to hide, right? I don't know if anything has happened beyond texting yet, but I have told my husband that I am suspicious of his recent behavior-on & off cold shoulder, working late, etc. (did not mention the texts at all).

What's the best way to curb these inappropriate texts without spouting out what I know? If they know it's the text messages arousing suspicions, then they will find another way to communicate that I can't monitor.

Idkwtd2009Nov

That is how my husbands EA started. He told me it was innocent. Just a friend at work. I believed him.
That behavior is a RED FLAG. Check your phone bill. I didn't because I trusted him. I could have stopped it alot earlier if I wasnt so naive.

nice777guy

Yes - use the phone bill. If you have an online account you should be able to see the number. Simply print it off or show it to him and ask him to explain.

Or, even if it just shows number of texts, comment that you think there's a problem with the bill since you never see him texting.

RoaringMB

Thanks for responding, but exactly what do you do to stop it?

I've thought of busting him out completely and telling him to stop. That I want to see each and every text to/from her. I'll know if it continues or if he is deleting messages by the phone bill. But, like I said, they'll just find another way to communicate.

I've tried to look at the online account, but he has it locked with a passcode that I can't figure out. I have to wait until the bill comes next month!

Idkwtd2009Nov

I caught one of the messages from OW. That was the first indication of the affair. I approached him. He had a lie and reluctantly I believed him. Caught him a few months later. Too late by this time. The affair lasted 6 months. He is still in love with her he told me a few days ago. Struggling so bad. Scared for you. I would confront him even if it looks like you don't trust him. If it is all a misunderstanding then he will understand and forgive you for the mistrust at that time.

RoaringMB

So sorry to hear that. That's exactly the kind of thing that terrifies me.

On a happy note, this has proven to be a great weight loss program! I can't eat a thing.

stillINshock

Tell your H that you have information about his communicating with this OW that you think is out of line and ask him "what's going on?" Look him in the eye and be humble so he doesn't feel you're going to throw daggers, but are truly hurt and confused.

If he gives you the "we're just friends" and says you are being 'ridiculous' (makes you feel like YOUR the crazy one) than you might truly be on to something. Then...

Suggest that you go to a valued friend or family member to share this idea with - "Lets tell your dad the situation and see if HE thinks I'm crazy for thinking this."

It took this kind of 'suggestion' to my H to get him to start snapping back into reality and realizing that he's been found out. What happens from there will be another story entirely - but at least you'll know where you stand.

Good luck. This is NOT at all easy.

RoaringMB

Tempted to let it go on for awhile, see where it goes, then anonymously let the boss know that 2 of the employees are "fraternizing". That would be bad for the company and sometimes money speaks louder than a wife can.

Thanks, stillINshock, I like that: let's share the idea with someone else and see what they think

Blanca

you could put a keylogger on the computer to get the password.

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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
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