Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-01-2010, 09:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

So, my H in his mid-life crisis (MLC) decided to shatter my world with his A. We're on the mend after much trauma, drama, and awfulness.

Now, out of the blue old male friends from my past - who are also in the age to be in MLC - are trying to friend me on FB. These are guys I haven't talked to in 20 years.

Funny, before my H's A I might have been like "Oh, how nice to hear from an old friend." Now? No. My reaction is almost being repulsed and I feel they are a bit pathetic. My rose colored glasses on life are definitely gone. How sad.
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

So my hubby and I had the same problem except I haven't gone through MLC. So we both decided to get rid of FB. We both agreed that if these people really want to talk to us they will try harder rather than searching for us. Plus is FB worth a fight? Good luck!
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

Sorry :-(

It does take two to tango why would you think everyone is out for only one thing? The flip side is you have to say yes, right?

Many people just want to catch up and talk about old times, see pics, and that's it. To throw everyone in the "get booty" category is generalizing IMO and there are much easier ways if that is truly the intent.

I love FB and the connections have been awesome!!
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Old 03-11-2010, 11:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

Yeah, we are dealing with the mess of a FB affair. My husband friended his old HS GF. Dr. Nancy Kalish talks about the Lost Love thing. Her site is

Lost and Found Lovers

After His Affair is my blog.

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Old 03-12-2010, 10:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

btw - also dealing with issues that were made much, much easier due to facebook.

One good suggestion I've heard is to have a shared account - "John and Jane's Facebook Account". Sadly, I only have one friend that has it set up this way. It would certainly keep any predators away if they weren't sure which one of you they were talking to.

And what about Craiglist??? Why would it be such an issue???
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

I do think of someone is going to cheat they don't need FB. True in my H's case, it really fell in to his lap. It was easy, she was there, and he didn't have to go looking. It wasn't FB but a neighbor. So FB makes it easier but if they are going to cheat they will. As for old contacts getting in touch, I've had a lot of that and I don't think any are looking for anything other than saying hello and catching up a bit. Of course I moved out of state so I guess that would make it harder. I've never felt anyone on FB was out of line, and nothing I would not share with my H. He on the other hand stopped using his. An old friend (not a GF) began flirting, and he flirted back. He left his laptop open, and didn't think I'd be offended as it was just a joke, she lives 1000 miles away etc. etc. yeah, bad timing. I didn't find it funny either. I told him he was a jerk and I was reconsidering the reconciliation (stupid fool did it a couple week after his real A, how could I not be offended???) This was a year and a half ago and he gets on FB now maybe every 3 months, never answers private messages anymore and gave me his password. So maybe for some they shouldn't use sites like this. For me I enjoy the social games, gives me a break from reality and I have found and reconnected with some pretty good friends during these hard time.

If things were different, and I wanted to find a date, I wouldn't use FB. After all, any of the guys from my past, I didn't stay with then so why now. I think I'd start fresh and meet someone new.
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Old 03-23-2010, 09:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

As I was writing this I realized there has to be a connection. Midlife Crisis and connecting with the past. This isn't about men (or women for that matter) having affairs because their spouse has made them unhappy, its them trying to recapture their youth as aging has become a reality and they can't handle it so rekindle and old flame and for some reason it makes them feel young???

I see FB differently and that's likely because I'm comfortable with my age even after my H had an Affair with a 20 year old. Let me tell you where that 20 year old is today. Dropped out of college and using drugs. She looks horrible, lost her apartment and moved back in with mom and dad. So he can have a 20 year old if he wants her, personally I'd stay the hell away.

You can never revisit your youth and when people become comfortable with who they are and are happy with who they have become they will stop chasing the past. That is entirely different than talking a walk down memory lane. My friends and I like to have a good laugh at the goofy and foolish things we did. But to do them again? No, we've all grown past that point. But I suppose some people haven't...
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RWB View Post
If there is a weakness in your marriage the evil will exploit it. Stand on Guard!
RWB
This is the problem not Facebook, Myspace, chatting, coworkers, friends, neighbors, a guy/girl at the bar, etc etc!!!

People have affairs, people make choices, people screw up!! I believe that everything I mentioned causes affairs as much as I believe that guns kill people!

The choice and action comes from a person there in lies 100% of the fault!!
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Old 03-25-2010, 06:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

What do you do with a man, who hasn't physically cheated and said he never planned to, but has chatted, IM'd, met up with an old friend behind my back, lied about emails, continued to communicate with ex's that have been a problem in our past... I don't know where to begin... I have talked to all of these women, and yes he didnt cheat, but everything else??? flirting, making me leave Tahoe a day early so he can lie and act like he had to work, so he can meet up with a friend for coffee, bacause he was afraid I'd be upset if he met with her without me? Can a man lie this much and really love you? Yes I know he had the chance to cheat but didnt, so why the connection with these women???
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Old 03-26-2010, 10:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

Missgypsy - you might want to start your own thread to get more responses. This reminds me of my situation quite a bit - its obvious his behavior is unacceptable, but where do you draw the line?
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

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It was reported in the National News (Fox, CNN, MSNBC) that FACEBOOK (I now call it F--KBOOK) and other minor players were mentioned in over 25% of current divorces on public record in USA. My what an endorsement for contacting old friends and such.

My wife's last and final affair from me was strictly a FACEBOOK romance. She was friended and later met her 30 year past boyfriend via F--KBook. Weeks of recounting led to a meeting at a hotel. You know the rest. I now "know", not feel that married spouses need to have open accounts period. Don't think it can happen to you? You are a fool. If there is a weakness in your marriage the evil will exploit it. Stand on Guard!

RWB

Well said!
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

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Originally Posted by missgypsy View Post
What do you do with a man, who hasn't physically cheated and said he never planned to, but has chatted, IM'd, met up with an old friend behind my back, lied about emails, continued to communicate with ex's that have been a problem in our past... I don't know where to begin... I have talked to all of these women, and yes he didnt cheat, but everything else??? flirting, making me leave Tahoe a day early so he can lie and act like he had to work, so he can meet up with a friend for coffee, bacause he was afraid I'd be upset if he met with her without me? Can a man lie this much and really love you? Yes I know he had the chance to cheat but didnt, so why the connection with these women???
You need to look into a PI or webwatchers. If you choose the latter, I believe you cannot disclose you have used it nor use it as evidence, but you can use it for your own information. If you want to go there... could be hard to swallow, or swallow your pride. You may be pleasantly surprised... but gut instinct is rarely wrong.
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Old 03-29-2010, 09:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

RWB,

This was our scenario, exactly: HS gf on FB.

Well said.


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Old 03-31-2010, 09:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Facebook & Mid-Life Crisis Men = Run Away...

The first thing I did after my H's betrayal was revealed was kick him off FB. Happily, many months later, he doesn't miss it one bit.
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