Cheating wife (caught)
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-02-2010, 06:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Cheating wife (caught)

About 3 months ago, when working from home (I rarely ever do this) I caught my wife cheating when I answered her cell phone by accident. We both have the same cell phone and ringtone, but not any more. The guy said hey, whats up honey before I even said hello. I coughed like trying to some how disguise my voice and said gimme a second, talk quick. He said "last week was great, when can we do it again"...I just hung up. She was still in the shower and almost always have the phone locked (I don't know the password) but not this morning. I went through her txt msgs and figured it out. He is a major doctor and my wife is a pharma rep. I have no idea how long this has been going on and I choose NOT to confront her about it. I wanted to see what developed. Since then I have not had much of chance to "catch" her again, but our relationship has definately been going south for sometime now. I have had my suspicions for a few years now, but never able to really put 2 and 2 together. I've read about all the "tell tale" signs of infidelity and she most definitely exhibits many of the traits. We have been in and out of therapy for many years to no avail. We have young kids. We both adore them and would not want hurt them in any way. I doubt it is anything serious, as I think she just wants to find out what its like to have an edgy affair.

Since that time, our sex has not really changed much (1-2 times a month), but I realized that this frequency is not OK. I have tried to address the issue for many years but to no avail.

When I figured out her EA, I was like well if she is gonna do it I might as well try and see whats out there. OMG... I can't believe what I found out there. There are so many websites for this, but most I have found out are just a ruse to get you to log into a pay porn site. I've been using ****** ******* and have meet some really cool women. Some are definite stalkers, and some are involved in really bad situations (why they stay I have no idea), but most just despise their husbands. What I have found, is that my wife might feel just like many of these women do. So being on this site has given me a first hand peek into a real cheater's psyche. I have never physically cheated, but I feel its only matter of time before some of these women I've met will want me to put up or shut up. I'm scared as all hell about leaping into the abyss and actually hooking up. Any last thoughts before I leap?
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Old 03-02-2010, 06:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

yea.. dont make a big mess.
If you want to go that way, sit down with wifey and be open about what you think. Maybe you agree to stay together and have your extra curriculare activities indepenantly.. Or maybe you decide you're not right for each other. But just going off like this without talking about it is recipe for disaster.

Someone is going to be hurt, sooner or later. If you decide together what the future will be... you'll both be happier.
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

Since you seem ok with her behavior.. be open about that.
By ok i dont mean that you wouldnt have it different, just that its not the end of the world for you it seems. And you're now interested in taking the plunge yourself....

Just be open about it. On the table... truth.
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by 63Vino View Post
yea.. dont make a big mess.
If you want to go that way, sit down with wifey and be open about what you think. Maybe you agree to stay together and have your extra curriculare activities indepenantly.. Or maybe you decide you're not right for each other. But just going off like this without talking about it is recipe for disaster.

Someone is going to be hurt, sooner or later. If you decide together what the future will be... you'll both be happier.
Why should I inform her first? She didn't extend the same courtesy to me, so why should I? This is not the first time I have caught her with wandering eyes, just the first time I had proof of physical infidelity. The other times, she promised me that nothing was going on and that it was just friendly chats and texting. Somehow, I don't see sending 20-30 text messages a day to same person as being harmless.
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

So you're doing what you're doing for revenge?
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

Not fair to say that. Just want to see what its all about.
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:05 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by chingacook View Post
Not fair to say that. Just want to see what its all about.

so as the joke goes about two chineese brothers who only make black ping pong balls... Two wongs dont make a white.

Just because she does you will? Obviously thats "fair" but, why not just be straight up about the whole thing?

Tell her "Im not really fulfilled in our marriage, are you? and so was wondering what you would think about maybe "supplimenting". Obviously counseling has not really worked. What do you think is the right thing to do?

If the answers arent condusive to openess.. then do what you gotta do. You never know till ya try.

If its not all that important why write here in the first place?
(just curious) maybe i missed the point..


was "wear a condom" the tye of advice you were looking for? hahahah
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Last edited by 63Vino; 03-02-2010 at 08:12 AM.
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:07 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

i cannot for the life of me figure out why you appear to be so cavalier about this. do you feel completely responsible for her straying? you called it an "EA", i'm thinking PA by the sound of it, surely your not that naive. and you still profess to be having occasional sex, WTF?????
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Old 03-02-2010, 08:26 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by LuvMyH View Post
I thought you posted last weekend on another thread that you'd been having an affair for two years and how the sex was so great?
so then... the subject line "caught" is quite apropos!!!!!
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Old 07-22-2010, 01:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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dude,

I know exactly where your at!! I ignored the little indicators of my suspisions, 'Not us!' and learned just a few weeks ago of my wife's affairs. I wasn't sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. And when it was all 100% clear I left to visit my dying father. I used a key logger to hack into her email and sent emails to her and some of her lovers. I had preparred myself for a seperation or divorce.

Now to be fair I had an urge to crossdress years ago, that she discovered. Although I was always faithful that was hard on her. I have since stopped that but on it's heels came ED. Sex became less and less. Male pride about this, I sure let her think I wanted a guy more than her. Just when I finally went for a viagra prescription, most embarressing, I learned of her cheating.

She she and I are still together but, I have no idea of where we are going. So far I have no assurances for her of fidility, at lest none that matter.
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Old 07-22-2010, 01:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

Maybe it's not revenge. Maybe he's thinking about doing it for the same reason's I wish I could (I'm too old and was never good at meeting women). Maybe he wants to know what it's like to be wanted again. To kiss someone who wants to melt in your mouth. To be desired and desire back. Maybe he knows, like I do, that it's been a LONG time since he's been wanted and wants to feel it again before it's too late.

And before you tell me (and him) to get that back from our wives, maybe we know it will never happen.
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Old 07-22-2010, 01:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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"I have use ****** ******* on and off for a while now, and have been having an affair with the same woman now for 2 yrs...

...As a matter of fact so has our sex life (with his wife), but no where near the unbridled sex I have in the affair".

BUSTED!!
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Old 07-22-2010, 01:43 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating wife (caught)

I call: "Thread Necromacy!"



This thread was started way back in March by a poster who said in February:

Quote:
Your wife is DEFINITELY having an affair! Make no mistake about it. Trust me, I know. I have use ****** ******* on and off for a while now, and have been having an affair with the same woman now for 2 yrs. Both of us are married, but we REALLY enjoy our time together...
Feeling like a fool

The OP only had seven posts, and of those, they all encouraged using ************* to cheat on your spouse as a way to "improve your marriage" and apparently OP has been cheating himself steadily since March 2008!

So yeah--put this one back in the thread graveyard where it belongs.
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Old 07-22-2010, 07:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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so as the joke goes about two chineese brothers who only make black ping pong balls... Two wongs dont make a white.
Damn that was racist.
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Old 07-23-2010, 03:41 PM   #15 (permalink)
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There's racist and then there's a little fun ethinc humor. This was harmless. Not even very funny, really.
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