My wifes betrayal - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-18-2013, 08:32 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

<<. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?>>

Using excuses like this so she doesn't have to own up to the havoc she has wreaked is typical. She wasn't worried about the OM's kids when she was involved with him. And she doesn't want to ruin the life of the OM'sW ...too late! Excuses.

You both write the NC letter to the OM and send it. That way HE knows that YOU know. Also send a letter to the OM'sW. She needs this information to be able to decide how to proceed with her life. Even if it is to stay with the OM she has the right to this info.

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post #137 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-18-2013, 08:35 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

MelodyAnn, your post should be a stickie for every newly person betrayed to read. Beautifully written.
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post #138 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-18-2013, 10:57 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Quote:
Originally Posted by WyshIknew View Post
It's strange, in your 50's a good, dependable man who has looked after himself physically and can still get it up almost seems to be viewed as an Adonis by some ladies.
no question about it.
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post #139 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-18-2013, 11:11 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me.
That's a toughie. I haven't even had the balls to ask fWW if she took her ring off to bang OM. I bet she did, and I think nowadays that she took it off more often than I ever suspcted. And that just plain hits me in the face with a rock.
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post #140 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-18-2013, 11:32 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
no question about it.
Perhaps 'Adonis' was an exaggeration but you get the picture. Many men in their 50's have simply let themselves go.
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post #141 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-19-2013, 01:21 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Aunt Ava View Post
MelodyAnn, your post should be a stickie for every newly person betrayed to read. Beautifully written.
Thanks Aunt Ava. I just hope it is helpful to the poster and to others in his situation.
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post #142 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-19-2013, 07:50 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by WyshIknew View Post
Perhaps 'Adonis' was an exaggeration but you get the picture. Many men in their 50's have simply let themselves go.
Hey, it's all relative. In the Land of the Blind, the one-eyed man rules.
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post #143 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-28-2013, 02:09 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Jesus these godamm cheaters. Does it never end

Been where you are, but spread over two relationships of 20 years

Serial cheats can never change. You can analyze it all to kingdom come, childhood problems, maybe abuse, maybe neglect and that's all valid in it's own way, BUT ultimately in the final analysis what it really means is that they completely fk up everybody elses life as well as their own.

I stopped giving them a sympathetic round of applause for that a long time ago

Again the truth is what you have to recollect upon is that most of your marriage is a lie and she did'nt give two seconds of thought to that

It will take time for you to grasp the full magnitude of it all but the mist of the betrayed 'fog' will gradually clear and you will see there is a better life than chasing through the wreckage that will always be in front of you should you entertain staying in it

In fact that's a good visualization all you have to look forward to here is wreckage - unending wreckage

Good luck with it all
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post #144 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-28-2013, 02:22 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Mustang, do you drive a Mustang. You deserve to buy yourself one, an old classic model to pick up dates in the summer.

Your wife cries and feels bad for other people. Right. She felt bad when she was fornicating with them them in secret, too. Their wives deserve to know. Make her write letters of confession and apology to them.
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post #145 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-28-2013, 09:36 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

The OP hasn't logged in for 10 days. I wonder if he told his WW that she needed to take a poly. She either out right said no, or is giving monumental TT to 'Stang and he's had enough.

You have to feel for someone like this, To find out the their whole marriage and more than half their life was a lie.

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post #146 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-28-2013, 09:44 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I suspect OP thought through it and concluded her story had enough recent holes in it that he is now bailing out on her.
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post #147 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-30-2013, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I went to my first session today with a counselor. I conveyed my story to her and she said that I had been dealt a crappy hand. That for the last 15 years my marriage had been a lie. She said it would take some time for me to sort this out and come to terms with it and that I would probably vacillate between wanting to keep what was comfortable and leaving for something new. I am fixated now on trying to find out as much about what was going on as humanly possible. My wife asked me why and I told her that the last 15 years weren't what I thought and I'm now trying to figure out exactly what they were. I have contacted some of the OM. I will tell you that if you want to get the attention of the man who slept with your wife try calling them at their place of employment. That gets their undivided attention. I guess they're afraid that you'll blow the whistle or tell someone they work with. Most had changed email accounts so that they were hard to contact but their work numbers were easy to find. I could hear fear in their voices when they asked me why I was calling.
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post #148 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-30-2013, 04:39 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
I am fixated now on trying to find out as much about what was going on as humanly possible. .
What on Earth for? Have you not taken enough abuse from this woman? You need more pain? Then carry on.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
I guess they're afraid that you'll blow the whistle or tell someone they work with
More likely they're afraid you're going to tell their wives.


Mustang1968, if this is a true story ... what the hell are you doing??? Get the heck out of this marriage if that's what you think it was ... I certainly don't, your counselor doesn't seem to either. Have some self respect man and move on with your life.

Quit wasting precious time.
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post #149 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-30-2013, 05:15 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Just divorce. You know more than enough.
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post #150 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-30-2013, 10:29 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Mustang, why are you with her?

She betrayed you for 15 solid years. Are you staying out of fear?

She surely has lost even more respect for you because before you were just the poor in the dark guy she cheated on continuously, you stayed because you didn't know the truth about her lack of love or respect for you.

But now you know. The marriage was a complete lie, and you were the guy who filled the time between dates and payed the bills.

So I'm asking, why are you still there?

Is there a actual breaking point where you will divorce her? Is there a point that your self esteem and pride will stop accepting the lies and abuse no more and will kick her out?
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