My wifes betrayal - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:09 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Hard to imagine the power dynamics after R. Does WW become a meek creature who says "Yes, dear", all the time?
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In my case its more like "yes Master" but I'm wired different then most.

Sorry for the thread jack Mustang

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post #32 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:17 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I just want to make it clear, Its is to early to even think about R. Right now OP's old lady needs to believe he is ready to walk. The worst thing OP can do is give any inclination that he want to R and crying and begging for his chick.

My point is he can get more intel and find out what she has become by play her.

Yes I'm pro marriage but there are steps and Mustang 1st needs to look out for him self, talk to a lawyer to know his options and educate him self.

Once he knows what what he then can make an educate choice.

Even if it take bugging her car with a VAR (voice actived recorder) to find out her true intention, then so be it...but knowledge is power.
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post #33 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:23 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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The woman you thought you marriaged and lived with for three decades is NOT the woman that she IS.

I know this from sad experience of the same length of time.

If I were you, I would do as I finally had to for my own self respect and mental sanity.

Divorce her!

She has infected you with HPV, lied to you and screwed many men using marital assets to do it.

She does not respect or love you.

IGNORE HER SILLY TEARS.

Just look at how she continues to treat you.

Move on!
@michzz, you have been here a lot longer then me and most, and I respect that.

You hit the nail on the head.

She does *continue* to disrespect by talking to OM. That has to be one of the biggest issues as to what exatly makes her a "different person now".
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post #34 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:25 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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I stand corrected.

But...

InWW head she thinks she is a different person now...and she ain't. Not as long as the OM is infecting her.

Just like any addiction WW trys to slow down, wiene off of her drug a little at a time. At we all know that doesn't work.

(analogy time) You can;t stop drinking when you hang out in bars = you can't affair proof a marriage when you still talk to OM.
You seem to view her as some powerless victim of a lothario. If the OM is in fact "infecting" her (with something besides HPV) it is her responsibility to cut contact with him. She continues contact because she gets some kind of fulfillment from it. It is a truly selfish act, no different than the rest of her infidelity.

If its like a drug addiction, we know that you can't cure an addict by running off their dealer. They wil seek out the drug. They will find other, more accessible drugs. Only when the addict seeks help of their own volition do they have a chance to overcome their condition. Many never do. Others get clean and re-abuse over and over again. In the end, the whole thing rests on their shoulders.
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post #35 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:38 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

At least 10 men? That she will admit to?

10 men? Are you fvcking kidding me ?

No brainer here. You will never get past this. Go see a lawyer.
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post #36 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:46 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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You seem to view her as some powerless victim of a lothario. If the OM is in fact "infecting" her (with something besides HPV) it is her responsibility to cut contact with him. She continues contact because she gets some kind of fulfillment from it. It is a truly selfish act, no different than the rest of her infidelity.

If its like a drug addiction, we know that you can't cure an addict by running off their dealer. They wil seek out the drug. They will find other, more accessible drugs. Only when the addict seeks help of their own volition do they have a chance to overcome their condition. Many never do. Others get clean and re-abuse over and over again. In the end, the whole thing rests on their shoulders.
No, not even! The chick phucked around are her old man she is in no way a victim...broken but not a victim!
My point is her addiction to screwing around on her old man and the POS OM is the dealer.
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post #37 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 01:57 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her.
I'm sorry but you have to divorce her.

There is virtually no other reasonable option given the circumstances.

Your life with her is over, your life as it currently exists is over, in fact it was over a long time ago, but now you actually know it and with that knowledge comes power, along with a lot of grief and despair, but that part is only temporary- as long as you start making steps to get yourself away from this woman ASAP.
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post #38 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 02:02 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I'm terribly sorry for what you are going through.

She put your life at risk. With strange men. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over. How much could she love you?

She was very good at it to hide it all these years, not once raising any suspicion.

When you did find out some things recently, she lied.

Then she lied about keeping in contact with one guy.

What I'm trying to point out is that she says she has changed, but her recent behavior when you found out, doesn't bear that out. It doesn't seem like she's changed at all, she still is lying and continues to lie about the guy she cheated with and still contacts. If she really was disgusted and put that behind her, then why keep in touch with this guy?
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post #39 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 02:16 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Again lots of poster with lots of questions, if you drop a dime on her she will shut down.

Play her with out judgement or discontent. Let her open up. You can always dumb her later on when she get this monkey off her back...if she ever does.

I mean it would be nice to know if she ever hooked up with one of your friends or did it with a chick. She can either shut down and face the lose of her marriage or she can start spilling her guts thinking you will stick around if she is upfront with her A's.
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post #40 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 02:20 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

She has years and years and years of stories to tell, if you bail on her she will never tell you a thing, but if she thinks being up front will save her marriage she maybe more open to talk about her crap.

Then you can bail.

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post #41 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 02:36 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

One point in favor of this WW is that she has fessed up to rather a lot: anal sex and ten partners. Respectful she has not been. But she may have some compartmentalized love for her husband.

Mustang demand a time line. Get her email.
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post #42 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 04:07 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Mustang,

I'm sorry you are here.

This really is a tragic situation.

A 30+ years relationship is reveled to have been maintained on a mountain of lies and deceits.

The only advice I would give would be to D as quickly as possible. You may be different, but I could never forgive such horrendous betrayal.

It would shatter my self-respect to even try.

Other posters are right. Have yourself screened for STD's and, unfortunately, have DNA tests done on any children you have.

I know letting go of everything you have known for over 30 years will make you feel lost, possible even be frightening.

But I'm here to tell you that there is nothing to fear in being single with your pride and self-respect intact.

You WILL find a better path for yourself and feel proud to have honored your own self-worth.
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post #43 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 04:56 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

This is very sad for you after all these years. The life you thought you had isn't at all what it seemed. How do you rewrite all those memories to bring them closer to the truth?

Sorry, I respect the-guy's perspective tremendously, but the lying and compartmentalizing has gone on for so long and she was still doing it. She's still in touch with at least one of her lovers. This would be far too much for me.

You have no good choices. There's no turning the clock back or erasing what she did. To me, the best of your bad choices is to divorce and start your new life without her. 35 years is a lot, I know. It isn't the end of your life and probably won't be the lion's share of it.

I wish you luck. I would file the papers.
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post #44 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 05:03 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Reading this story really pissed me off. I empathize with the OP.
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post #45 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 05:11 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Not only ten other men but maintaining phone contact with at least one of her lovers to this day.

Where's the door leading out?
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