My wifes betrayal - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 05:19 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

The very first thing I would do is to get a complete work up for STDs. She already infected you with at least one. Protect your health.

The next thing I would do is GTFO of that unhealthy marriage. You are married to an unremorseful lying serial cheater.

You can do better and certainly deserve better.

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post #47 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 05:21 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
My wife was diagnosed with panic disorder in 1992. She hasn't worked outside the home since then. I paid for a housekeeper to clean the house. I have never raised a hand to her and rarely raised my voice. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She works out of our home running a small business but has never made enough to talk about. I asked if she paid for the hotel rooms when she met these men and she told me that sometimes she paid half but would use her own money when she did. She says that she isn't that person any more and that she quit on her own to be a better person and a better wife.. I found out that she has had regular phone conversations with one of her lovers since the affair. He live out of state now but from the phone bills they regularly call each other. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be but I have provided her with everything she wanted these past 31 years.
The bolded part tells me she lied again. If she really quit to be a better person and a better wife, there would have been no contact. She has zero respect for you or your marriage. She cares about your paycheck though.
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post #48 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 05:42 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal


Do you two have any children?

Exactly how old are you two?

What kind of shape are you in?

Do you think your wife was still active sexually outside the marriage since she has a personal ad still up?

I can understand having 31 years invested in the marriage.

I can also understand not knowing if you can Reconcile or should Divorce.

But if I found out my wife was doing these sex acts with all these other men you can bet that I would do the following:

1. Go with her to her gynecologist and have her take an STD test with you present. The results go to you. Just the way you took her to her cancer treatments. She gets no choice in the matter.

2. She discloses to her family with you present what she has done. because you are right, she is a hypocrite.

3. After her tests come back negative then go to town and hysterical bond until she cries for mercy. And no sex act with her should be taboo.

Then in a month or two pull back.

See if she has broken all contact with her "friends". Put a keylogger on the pc. Put a var in her car.

And she gets put on a very tight allowance.

In fact let her see what it will be like for her to live on her income alone.

Then when your mind has calmed down, make a decision for you.

And only you.

The Guy has been in your shoes. Listen to him.

And never forget the choice is yours. But you have to live with it as well.

IMO I think your wife might still be lying but that will come out in time.

Sorry you are here and keep posting.


Last edited by happyman64; 09-14-2013 at 09:06 PM.
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post #49 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 05:51 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

She' still lying for damage control.

Had an active dating profile yet hasn't cheated in years?

You'll not be able to R if she continues lying, not that I' saying you should.

How are you OP?
Women notice you?

As far as love...the only thing you will regret in life is the risks you never took.
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post #50 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 06:05 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Chances are if she admitted to 10, it's probably a lot higher. I bet it stretches back over the entire marriage, starting in the first 10-15 years.

Most of the cheaters start in this time frame, though some get started a tad earlier around year 6-7.

At this point, I think your best option is just to leave. That's quite a number to "get over".

She dumped you, your marriage and family down the crapper for a few rolls in the hay. That's pretty inexcusable.

It's not like you can even say to yourself "well she said she was in love and maybe just confused." No, this is lust, pure and simple. And you mean less to her than a few orgasms.

Have you read no more mr nice guy and married man sex life primer? Do you work out, lift weights? Are you in good shape?

If no to all of the above, you need to start yesterday.

You need to prepare yourself to start dating again, whether or not you choose to R.

It's not about how many guys she slept with, how little she actually cares about you, it's about how much respect you have for yourself.

31 years, 50 years, does self respect have a shelf life?
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post #51 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 06:24 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Her story is going to get a WHOLE lot worse before he knows the whole she gave you HPV - when is enough ennough?

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #52 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 06:52 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

And it's also likely she had more sneaky ways then the regular phone calls and normal facebook. Keylog the PCs.

Did she tell you when this **** started? (Becasue she's still at it)

Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos
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post #53 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 07:18 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal


If she was able to hide all this from you for this long, then you need to get her a polygraph test. At least you can find out if there's more although what you have already told us is more than enough. She is really good at hiding her affairs.

She has given you a STD and has had unprotected sex with at least 10 men. It doesn't matter if you've been married for 31 years or 310 years, this was a 31 year lie that she has given you and now after she's caught, all of a sudden she wants to be a good girl. You gave her 31 years of your life and granted, your not perfect and you admitted it but you got nothing in return except lies, cheating and a STD. Get a divorce and get her out of your life. Lord only knows that it's a huge change, but I honestly can't see how you would be able to forgive her not only for the lies and cheating but the blatant disregard for your health and life with a STD. That is unforgivable.
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post #54 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 07:30 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

It is time for divorce. Kick her out now! She is still cheating on you. Tell her to go to her lovers.
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post #55 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 08:04 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Kick her out yesterday.

So she's had some medical stuff in the last couple of years that I'm betting slowed down her sex drive.

So what you got was the old tired version of her , what she gave them was the wild, do anything fun sex.

She's lied and lied and lied, and even recently has continued contact.

Your entire marriage has been a total lie, and now she's looking for you to take care of her.

Why would you accept being such an obvious last choice as a lover, but first choice as a person to provide care for her?

Dont waste another day with someone with so little love or respect for you.

Not convinced, demand a polygraph,

Btw - if you've got kids you need to have them DNA checked ASAP.

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post #56 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 08:15 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

It seems to me that her mental and medical problems are probably what stopped her constant cheating. If neither had happened, it's likely that she would still be having sex with other men.

10 men... that number is higher. Probably MUCH higher.

Mustang, I know you want to R with the women that you married. The women that you loved, but she doesn't exist anymore. She ceased being when she started cheating on you. TIME and TIME again, long ago.

She's beneath contempt. You just have to wonder how many times that you've preformed oral on her in the past and... well, I don't even need to finish this sentence.

I am sorry and I feel for you, but, I believe if you try to R, you will be in more misery than if you decide to D.

Good luck on wht you choose.
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post #57 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 10:09 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

GP and Shaggy hit it on the head IMO. She was forced to stop, it wasn't by choice. 31 years, sorry 24 or 25 according to an experienced liar, of cheating and at least one STD. This is divorce time.

I say "at least" because, right now, you have no clue until you get a blood test. Also, I'd be scared about the DNA of my children.

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post #58 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 10:14 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Originally Posted by Truthseeker1 View Post
Her story is going to get a WHOLE lot worse before he knows the whole she gave you HPV - when is enough ennough?
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post #59 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-14-2013, 10:38 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

To the OP, I know where you are at in your head, we all do. A lot of what we say comes from experience and time healing days behind us. In this moment you are in a daze, there is no stopping it for right now. You kind of have to deal with it. Booze numbs it, but not for long. By your writing, you are older and wiser, so to respect that I won't give you sage advice, save on. This is why I'm here, so I hope when I chime in with some pearls of my wisdom I hope you are able, at this time, in some way can hear me. Me looking from the outside in will say by your writing and account of things, that you were not treated like you should have been, period. So many lies, so many betrayals, so much hurt. Too much hurt. Regardless of panic issues, nobody does that to their lifemate, lay heads together in the bed, say I love you. To make those memories, to take those photos for captures of time all in vain. In my world and my mind and how I was raised, one betrayal your out the door. I don't want to hear another damn thing out of your mouth not even goodbye. But to hear that amount, I won't repeat it, it's too hard even for me. Sir, if you have any respect for yourself IMHO you need to walk away. Not right now, you need time to recover from the blow. But in time, coming here for help for reassurance that it will be okay, in time when the pain is a little less, in time you will see that you will survive, regardless if she is your first or not. Much luck to you sir, this will not be an easy journey.
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post #60 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-15-2013, 12:31 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me. I went to our family doctor (who was also my wife's doctor and knew our history) and he told me it was a wart without explaining that it was caused by a sexually transmitted disease. I did some online research and found it was caused by HPV. I went to my doctor(our old doctor had retired) and he confirmed that it was caused by HPV. I asked if there were any other explanation other sexual transmission and he told me there was not. I went home and confronted my wife and she admitted to the affair
Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her.

Your wife gave your HPV.

Did she have cervical cancer?

Most likely your long term outlook is prostate cancer from the HPV. You can thank your wife for that.

May I suggest you start researching ways to prevent a possibe prostate cancer?
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