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My wifes betrayal

134K views 236 replies 87 participants last post by  aine 
#1 ·
I have been married for 31 years. We dated for 4 years before that. I have been with this woman all of my adult life. We were each others first. Last year I received a message on Facebook from a stranger saying that my wife had an affair with her husband years ago and that my wife was continuing to try to contact him. This was so far fetched that I showed it to my wife. She denied the entire thing and said the woman must be mistaken. When I went back to read the post again it had been removed and so I put it in the back of my mind and attributed it to mistaken identity. This June while on vacation I received an email from this person telling me that my wife had an affair and that she would like to speak to me about it. She told me that she had tried to contact me through Facebook but my wife had blocked her. When I checked my blocked senders list she had indeed been blocked. The only person that could have done this was my wife. My wife again denied it and said the woman must be crazy. I started doing some research on this person to find out who she was, who her husband was, and why she would do this. I also did an internet search on my wife and through some detective work found a profile for her on an adult dating web site. The profile said she was looking for something discrete, preferably during the day, someone she could share some quiet time with. When I confronted her with this she admitted that it was her but that she had never done anything wrong. She even cried. Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me. I went to our family doctor (who was also my wife's doctor and knew our history) and he told me it was a wart without explaining that it was caused by a sexually transmitted disease. I did some online research and found it was caused by HPV. I went to my doctor(our old doctor had retired) and he confirmed that it was caused by HPV. I asked if there were any other explanation other sexual transmission and he told me there was not. I went home and confronted my wife and she admitted to the affair but that it had happened years ago and that he was the only one. I demanded access to her emails and phone. I continued to find things that pointed to additional affairs which she denied. She had deleted her account on the online dating site and so I couldn't see her communications through that site. The woman who had originally informed me of the affair emailed me some additional information. She said my wife had told her husband about several other men she had slept with one being a cop in a local jurisdiction. I found contact information in her email account for a man with an email address ending in .gov. I looked up his work number and called him. I told him that my wife had admitted to the affair and I just wanted to confirm the information she had given me and he admitted that they had slept together years earlier and their affair had ended eight years ago. I felt like I couldn't breath. I went home and called my wife to tell her not to come home. She asked why and I mentioned the name of the cop that I had spoken to and asked if I needed to say anything else. She asked if we could talk about it and came home. She finally admitted that she had hooked up with at least ten men through chat rooms and the online dating site. She had unprotected sex with these men. She had participated in oral vaginal and anal sex with them over the course of these affairs. She tells me that these affairs all ended years ago but at this point she has lied so much that I can't believe anything she says. Her sister had an affair three years ago and my wife was very judgmental about it. I told her she was a hypocrite. She says she loves me and doesn't want me to leave her. She cries alot and tells me how sorry she is and how she never meant to hurt me. My life is a wreck right now. My work is suffering, I can't sleep, I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her. I am going to seek counseling and put off any decisions until I have calmed down and can make a rational decision. I needed an outlet. I haven't told anyone else about this. Just looking for some guidance and advice.
 
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#204 ·
I went back and read your opening post. This is bad. Why do I get the feeling that what you do know is only the tip of the iceberg? Normally, I'm for giving reconciliation a chance, but I'm afraid your wife is what she is. If you stay with her, you do know that for the rest of your life you'll constantly live with the fear of what she's doing behind your back, right? And then your resentment of her will grow. That's no way to live.
 
#208 ·
You have no idea who you are married to. What does your counselor describe her as? Seriously, I would not be eating anything I thought she could have touched. At minimum she must be a sociopath and it may be worse than that. Be careful until you find out. Who else knows she has done this?
 
#210 ·
Hey, you can love her and not be "in love." Time to end your marriage. Sorry, no amount of counseling and work will fix this one. Not only is she lying, she has brought multiple men to your home. Also, she is giving them money. If she is willing to loan 2500 to a guy, better believe there are gifts and other monies being spent on other "friends."

Oh and did she provide PROOF he paid her back? You can't trust her word.
 
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#211 ·
What are you waiting for?!

Are you going to have to find a video of her wearing nothin' but steer horns on her head, takin' on six rodeo clowns?...

You are NEVER going to find out about all the cheating and men that she's done. Shoot, she probably can't remember them all and she was there.

The longer you stay with her, the less time you'll have to spend with a woman the DESEVES you. You are only prolonging the inevitable.
 
#218 ·
Shoot, she probably can't remember them all and she was there.
QUOTE]

This is so true.
It does take time to recall all of them especially the ones she was most a shame about or felt it was "better to give it then have it taken". They (serial cheaters) seem to push those furthure back in their mind.

What I find interesting is that this marriage seemed somewhat healthy...well compared to mine. Even though both our serial cheaters behaved very similar, yours was a church going volunteer worker...were as mine was a wife beaten stripper who drank all day.
 
#212 ·
Mustang,

This is one of the most horrific stories I have ever read on here.

30 years of marriage, 10 affairs (that you know of so far) within at least the last 15 years, STD, other men in your house.

I am not an expert, but I guess she is a sociopath. She definitely shows signs of being one.

She is so devoid of any real remorse (tears are not equal to real remorse), guilt and shame. Instead of apologizing to her AP's W, she has the gall to threaten her? That is definitely NOT remorse.

And what panic disorder? She doesn't seem to be panicky enough to have multiple APs coming to her marital home! It takes nerves of steel to pull this.

She is highly promiscuous and a pathological liar.

She has denied you 30 years of happiness with a woman who is capable of real love. She denied you a chance of fatherhood.

She blames everyone and everything but herself for her action.

The woman you called your wife? She doesn't love you. She is not capable of loving anyone but herself. She is just pure evil.

Take as much time as you need to wrap your head around this. It can't be easy to find out that 30 years of your life have been one big fat lie. But you should work, step by step, toward your ultimate goal: moving on without her.

She will not change. She is wired the way she is. Let her deal with her own craps.

Timeline and polygraph. The only positive about this is that you can find out how many betrayed wives you should inform about the STD your wife has been spreading around. But asking a highly potential sociopath to write a honest timeline? Really?

IC. You definitely need it.

Protect yourself and financial assets. Consult a divorce attorney, find out as much as you can what you can do to control any financial damage from the divorce.

180. HARD. You must learn to accept, the evil who has unprotected sex with so many men, spreading contagious disease, leading a double life for 30 years, IS who she is. You must accept this. Once you do, ask yourself...can you love an evil like her? No normal people can love pure evil. You only love who you thought she was. But the person you thought she was never exists. This is the real her. Once it sinks in, you will realize that you don't, can't, and won't ever love a person like your wife.

FILE. There is nothing left here to save. The marriage you thought you had was built on a pile of lies.

Learn to move on. It is never too late to start over. You are ONLY 51 years young.

Of course you have another option here: you can stay with her as long as you accept that she will continue to be promiscuous for the rest of her life. If you don't mind sharing her, oh well.
 
#219 ·
Mustang,
30 years of marriage, 10 affairs (that you know of so far) within at least the last 15 years, STD, other men in your house.
Thats really not that bad.

Put looks who's repling here;)

At least the years of cheating are greater then the number of affairs.

19 years of marriage, 20 affairs (rounded up high due to memory loss), for thirteen years.

Mustang, you are not alone!

Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.
 
#214 ·
Dude it doesn't matter whether she admits these things or not, you still know them to be true. The only question is, what are you going to do in light of this information. Don't bother giving her a polygraph, she would dispute any results anyway. The ball is in your court, this is decision time my friend. Choose wisely.
 
#216 ·
Mustang, This woman is your enemy.

Anger is a wonderful gift, it's nature's way of hardening your heart, and allowing you to function and take action in a fear-situation. It's the antidote to your fear - same as mine - of never finding a trustworthy companion. But if you continue to take no steps in the present to get Victory over this woman, and she leaves before you are 'ready', you will not only be slandered and blamed and end up losing against her and her lie-machine, you will be unable to trust the next person. Imagine, if you totally took her to the cleaners and exposed her, how this would restore your confidence? This is a wonderful opportunity to discover your own strength. Her most precious thing to her is her IMAGE and assuming you've now got all this evidence - keep it! Make copies! Use it! Take it to the lawyer today for Christ's sake.
She is out to ruin you. It's you or her. Start acting like the natural hard hearted, cold and calculating Soldier that any man can become when he truly hates his enemy.
-Her tears are a weapon - defend yourself with a lack of sympathy!
-Her image is a defence - tear it down! Talk frankly to her admirers!
-Her 'love' is a sleeping gas- put on your mask!

Anger for the enemy is good, regret is being angry at yourself: bad! - direct it toward ruining her in a cold and calculating legal ambush! God made you to be a soldier, not a pathetic prisoner of war! Victory over her today, will bring you the confidence you need tomorrow to find and better watch over your next companion.
 
#226 ·
I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.
When is this going to end?

Mustang, when are you going to start loving yourself enough to end this? Why are you doing this to yourself?

She is broken. Duh. Doesn't take a psychiatrist to see that.

But you my friend, are the truly broken one here. You should have kicked her to the curb months ago; and yet here you are, hanging onto her for God knows why, all freaked out and surprised that you are finding more filth and excrement oozing from her side of the marriage.

Un-fvcking-believable. :scratchhead:
 
#232 ·
this is story is just too sad, she will keep betraying him until she becomes Low drive for age, she maybe will be able to fake loyalty and remorse for 2 or 3 yaers and then when he enters again in the comfort zone she will again began her cycle of betrayals, and luckily for her Mustang just doesn't have deal breakers, so he will keep forgiving her a giving her chances, until she finally stops for age, and she will kept all her fond memories of all the lovers that shared her marital bed and still will be able to have mustang companionship to take care of her in her golden years (after all if he have no kids, or financial responsibilities that ties him to her, the only reason he is still is enduring all the lies, the betrayals, the findings, the disrespect is because he wants to), damn she even denied him the gift of parenthood to have her escapades of unprotected sex and he just keep forgiving and forgiving.

Just too sad, this just proves that bad people can have a nice life and never face real consequences of their actions and still have life just as they wished at expense of others.
 
#233 ·
His story was horrible! She essentially took 35 years of his life away and probably even denied him kids during this time! Met at 16, married at 20 and he was 51 at the time of discovery. Multiple affairs over 15+ years, no kids (possibly due to being on birth control during this time) and at least two of the OM in his house (possibly his bed!).

This would have shattered me - in his mind he probably thought that his life was over and he could not start again. How wrong he would be if he did think that!
 
#234 ·
Could not even bring myself to read most of this it was sickening. Dude, if this is all real, your wife is less a woman and more a mobile sperm bank that only accepts deposits.

If you stay, I will not feel sorry for you. Some things are so F'd up you just gotta leave. Your wife should not be married or in any relationship. She is unhinged.

Hope you leave and she gets serious help.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#235 ·
As some here know, I'm often on the "forgive" side of things. But not always. This is a horrible situation. I've just reread the OP's first post in this thread and it looks like a marital paradise compared to what came out later.

And yet as far as we know, he never really took the good advice given here. And sadly, this is not the only story on TAM like this.

Makes a simple ONS a pleasure to deal with in comparison. :mad:
 
#236 ·
I left the marriage two years ago and I'm now dealing with trying to get the divorce finalized and move on with my life. She has dragged this out as long as possible. She is still living in the house that I am paying for and yesterday I received her interrogatories from her attorney. I didn't think I could think less of her than I already did but she still amazes me. This woman that I have supported for the last 30 years is accusing me of physical and emotional cruelty. The woman I saw through cancer treatments and stood by after amassing tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. She wants the house, the dogs, and half of my take home pay. She had the nerve to list anxiety disorder as the reason she couldn't work. Didn't seem to be a problem when she was meeting guys in hotels and bringing them to my house. She is truly a waste. I want this behind me and I want to never have to see her again. I can't move on until this is over and she's going to drag it out as long as possible. She says I have "anger management" issues. She has no idea what it's taken to hold it together this long.
 
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