My wifes betrayal - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 08:45 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Have you thought about what she would have to do before you'd see her as having gone too far and you'd be filing?

Where is your line in the sand?

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post #107 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 09:31 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

<<Angry at the OM's wife? That's not remorse. If she were remorseful, she'd be grateful that the deceit is over and that you can no longer be hurt by fresh betrayal, grateful that she now can begin repairing your relationship. No, words will not suffice here.>>

Agree, even my WH's OW (EA) apologized to me for hurting me, again (2 Xs same OW) and it was not nearly as heinous as what you are discovering has happened. Her anger is greatly misplaced.

I think talking to a lawyer and getting some IC is a great idea for you right now. Take back the power.
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post #108 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 10:00 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I was married for 30 years when I found out my wife had a year long A. It was devastating. I am not sure how I would have handled multiple partners over a number of years.

Take this in steps. See a lawyer about your rights in your state, get into IC right now and get checked for a full panels of STD's again. You do not believe anything she has told you at this point so do not take her word about this either. Protect yourself!

Start the 180 now and start taking care of yourself. I imagine your head is spinning and most of it has to do with painful mind movies. I have not read the whole string I hope you have confided in a friend or family member. You need support to get through this.

As far as remorse goes it does not sound like she is there. After you talk with the lawyer I would consider throwing her out no matter what you decide R or D. She needs a wake up call and you need some peace of mind
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post #109 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 10:05 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

And schedule a polygraph ASAP. You need to know the full extent of her cheating.

Be prepared for the parking lot confession outside the polygraph office.

When she does, keep the appointment because she'll still be minimizing with the parking lot confession,

See she's been lying so much for so long, that telling the truth is simply something she's lost the ability to do.
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post #110 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 10:19 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I should tell you if you are think of trying to R. It is a long, bumpy road, with lots of twists and pain to deal with. At this point I can say I am glad we are working on things.

At the same time I have come to the realization that R will never be something that ends. It will always be something from our past a pain that she inflicted on our marriage and our family.

I still have sleepless nights but it is now once in awhile and not every night and most of the time when I have a drink it is for enjoyment and not trying to drown my pain.

I am not sure if the Pain and the Sleepless nights will ever completely go away
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post #111 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 10:31 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
And schedule a polygraph ASAP. You need to know the full extent of her cheating.

Be prepared for the parking lot confession outside the polygraph office.

When she does, keep the appointment because she'll still be minimizing with the parking lot confession,

See she's been lying so much for so long, that telling the truth is simply something she's lost the ability to do.
I highly doubt, given her current mindset she would ever agree to a polygraph. She won't let herself go so far to a last minute/parking lot confession wich of course will be a "confession" itself.
She will ask time to think, to consult her spych, will deflect, delay... No chancein hell she's going to spill the beans.

Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos
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post #112 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 10:39 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Acabado View Post
I highly doubt, given her current mindset she would ever agree to a polygraph. She won't let herself go so far to a last minute/parking lot confession wich of course will be a "confession" itself.
She will ask time to think, to consult her spych, will deflect, delay... No chancein hell she's going to spill the beans.
Well to me that makes his decision easy then doesn't it.
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post #113 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 10:53 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I know this sounds bad Mustang, but given the level of betrayal...this is the only advice I can give.

1. Make her get a job. This is to help with number 2.
2. After she has a job, divorce her. Her being employed will help you keep more money. It's still going to cost a lot, but every penny will be worth it.
3. AFTER the divorce, go out and date. At 51, you're going to be MOBBED by women. Find a wonderful woman that will love and respect you the way you deserve.
4. Enjoy watching your 51 year old wife suffer greatly because, as much as she can have her flings, when she's single and alone, those same flings start to feel pretty hollow when noone actually loves you.

The more posts I read.
The more I love my wife!
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post #114 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 11:53 AM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

So here is what I think her plan is.

1. Continue to deny to anything more.Only admit what you've found out.

2. Repeat it, and keep telling you how she's not like that, that you are the one for her, that you should be happy that after years and hundred of sexual encounters with these men, that she chose you. That you won!

3. She'll maybe throw some sex at you.

4. she'll throw some tears and snot

5. She'll make you feel guilty as hell for even thinking of abandoning her now when she needs your love and help and support more than ever.

6. Btw, based on her past conspiracy to protect her affairs and lovers, she'll be actively right now taking steps to cover her tracks even better. She'll be reaching out to former and current lovers to synchronize stories, and warning them that their shared lifestyle of hookups maybe exposed by you.

7. She'll be telling current ones to lay low for a while until she gets you back on the dark, and that when she's having sex with you to get you complacent, that she'll really be thinking of them, but she has to do this to protect her financial support system. That once the storm has cleared that she will be in touch and they'll hook up soon.

It's called damage control. They have places like AM for hook ups like hers and there used to be a ******* site that gave advice on how to handle husbands who caught onto some of the truth.


Actions you might want to take

1. Purge her wardrobe of intimate clothes. Now you know those sext lingerie, shoes, clothes have never been for you. So get them out of the house.

2. Do you have any old computers or cell phones sitting in closets from years ago? See if you can get into them and find old messages etc.

3. Put a key logger onto her computer and vars in the house to see who she's talking to during the day.

4. You say she doesn't go out, so have men come to her at your house?


The fact that you haven't left sounds like her plan is working. See, shock of betrayal wears off in time. She's banking on you deciding the you are more afraid of dumping her and you maybe being alone, than you are of staying and going through the hell of accepting what she did to you.
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post #115 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 03:02 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

You are not to far in yrs. from that point where you would be with your spouse 24/7/365----based on retirement----the question you need to decide is can you stand being with her----knowing what she has done to you

Take the facts---1st she is still treating you as 2nd class, or her backup plan----she shows a temper agst---the betrayed wife of her present lover---and he is still a lover, as she is still in contact with him----

WHAT RIGHT DOES YOUR WIFE HAVE TO DISPLAY A TEMPER AGST THE OTHER BETRAYED WIFE---THAT WOMAN IS TRYING TO PROTECT HER OWN MGE---SHE IS FIGHTING FOR HER OWN MGE---AND YOUR WIFE, WHO IS A HOMEWRECKER, WHO KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES OVER---IS MAD AT HER---YOUR WIFE IS SPOSE TO BE SHOWING REMORSE AND WORKING ON HER OWN MGE---AND WHAT DOES SHE DO, SHE GETS MAD AT THE OTHER BETRAYED WIFE---YOUR WIFE IS NOT INTO YOUR MGE., WHATSOEVER---BASED ON THAT ONE FACT ALONE

Add to that---she still was on the dating site, up until you confronted her with proof she couldn't lie about

Her panic attacks---where was the panic, as she went out to meet all her lovers

The cancer is not a good thing, but the only thing it might have done is to slow down her escort service activities

How bad could your mge have been---yet she has lied for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG, as she looks you in the eyes night after night and said everything was OK---how many nights were you given sloppy 2nds---if given sex at all-------how many times were you replaced as the H, by her wanting to be with a lover, and then being FORCED TO COME HOME TO YOU---for you see, you were the boring, same old, same old H---you were there, and you were/are her bankroll

Can you really spend the rest of your life with her---knowing the real FACTS

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post #116 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?
I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done.
Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.
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post #117 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 04:16 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?
I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done.
Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.
I'm fuming reading this. Well it's your job then to let her know if she isn't going to wth he and her ruined your m too bad!
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post #118 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 05:04 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

I guess in all reality---your wife has a lot of wives to notify, they need to get checked for STD-------as to her partners---let them suffer whatever fate hits them, for screwing around with another mans wife

Am sorry to say, but your wife is a real piece of work!!!!!!!
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post #119 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 05:13 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

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Originally Posted by Mustang1968 View Post
Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?
I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done.
Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.
Of course she didn't take her wedding ring off!

Why? Well, if she'd have done that, she would have had to admit to herself that she was betraying you. And, in her warped affair fog thinking, she wasn't betraying you, she was just having some fun times with another man/men.

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #120 of 237 (permalink) Old 09-17-2013, 05:46 PM
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Re: My wifes betrayal

Mustang, you are doing well, all things considered. Really. Your wife is sensing your strength and wanting you to use it to save her. But if you do that you'll feel even worse. No, she must really feel for you. Right now she is still trying to prevent collateral damage.

Get her to write the OMW to warn her about about HPV. My cousin died of cervical cancer and she believed her ex gave it to her after cheating with a his dope smoking younger woman.
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