nappilymarried

i've read the "how and why affairs occur" passage. and the affair my husband had occured even before we got married and carried on into the marraige. i didnt know of this until after 2 years of marraige.we have been married for almost 4 years. ive talked with my husband on more than one occasion and asked him why it happened? was i not doing something right. he assured me that it wasnt me. that he just did it and it meant nothing. but my question is why keep doing it , knowing how bad it hurts me. i guess we are in the 3rd step of the affair. we've been to counseling, the whole 9 yards. we are currently seperated. i just couldnt take being hurt anymore. now that we are seperated,im realizing that althoug hi do love him, im beginning to think our whole marriage was a lie. and i still dont know how and why?

Tanelornpete

I think a lot of the troubles that happen in marriages now-days are because people are not being taught what it means to be married. People don't really learn what it means to keep their promises. I think most people are taught, from the very start, that looking out for #1 is made up of doing all the things that make you feel good right now. Very few people are taught self-discipline (the ability to put off pleasure now for a better thing tomorrow) and very few people are taught to abide by any promise they make. Almost everyone is taught some variation of the idea that your promises are good only until something better comes along.

That means that we are more likely to chase after sex outside of our marriage. We are more prone to infidelity, because we simply don't know what it means to be faithful -except to one thing and one thing only - ourselves. We are REALLY faithful to ourselves! We'll bend over backwards to 'get happy', to 'have fun' - not bad things in themselves - but if they involve breaking a promise - it would be much better to not make the promise at all.

Don't take my comments personally - they are general observations, not accusations!

notreadytoquit

And also add to this lack of proper communication. If people discussed openly when a problem occured I am certain that more than half of those infidelities would have never occured.