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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-19-2013, 06:23 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Marriage counseling with serial cheater. what should i expect?

Beautiful dreamer - Please start taking care of you! He will keep you broken and sad as long as you stay with him. Please save yourself!

He said that the truth would kill you. I hate to ask this, but is it possible that he's fathered children that you don't know about? That is the sort of truth that can do that to a person.

Given that he has said what he has said, please try hard to get that truth. Please do this for you.
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Old 09-19-2013, 06:44 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Marriage counseling with serial cheater. what should i expect?

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Originally Posted by alte Dame View Post
Beautiful dreamer - Please start taking care of you! He will keep you broken and sad as long as you stay with him. Please save yourself!

He said that the truth would kill you. I hate to ask this, but is it possible that he's fathered children that you don't know about? That is the sort of truth that can do that to a person.

Given that he has said what he has said, please try hard to get that truth. Please do this for you.
Alte, i won't be surprised. My H has had unprotected sex. Anything is possible.

I need him to start talking to me. It's the icing on the cake that's missing. i need to hear it. I'm sure it will be the "quick of sense" i need to run for the hills and file for D. I'm stuck right now
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Old 09-19-2013, 07:19 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Marriage counseling with serial cheater. what should i expect?

If getting more of the truth will give you what you need to get out and file for D, then push, push, push for it. Make it a condition of your considering reconciliation at all.
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Old 09-19-2013, 09:29 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Marriage counseling with serial cheater. what should i expect?

I don't think that there is any apology that would be acceptable. Seriously, even if he said exactly what you suggested, it does not get to the heart of the horror he has brought into your life.

I'm wondering if he realizes this and thus cannot say anything. I also think that he really does not care.

How has this affected him? Does he have any problems sleeping? Has he dropped any significant amount of weight for not being able to eat?

Does he seem able to carry on his job? How has his schedule changed?
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Old 09-19-2013, 09:41 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Marriage counseling with serial cheater. what should i expect?

BD, good for you in being so up front with the MC. You are getting stronger.


I can think of a few reasons why you have not decided on a divorce yet.

One is that you are in denial on some level. There are stages to the grief/pain the BS experiences. It's not that different from what a person experiences when someone they love dies.

Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

I think that you are going back and forth between denial and bargaining. I can see a bit of the anger but you seem to be suppressing it. Perhaps you are doing that because this is so HUGE that you fear really getting angry. At some point you need to let the anger take over and have it's time. Anger is actually a very good thing. It provides the energy to do the hard things we know that we need to do.

I also think that part of the problem has been a lack of a plan. Though I did read some of a developing plan in your last post. If you make a strong plan with how to get from here to divorce, then work it a little bit every day, you will get there. Leaving your marriage is a huge step that will take a lot of energy. But if you have a plan that is broken down into small steps you can work the steps. That takes a lot less energy on a daily basis.

Keep working at this. Keep going to counseling.
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