showtime

Well thanks everybody. But I will admit, it does feel bittersweet. I know right now I feel pretty good about it. But I know when I settle down a bit, it will all start to sink in, and it will hurt like heck!!!!

I'm not looking forward to that, and I do have a history of dwelling on things.

She tried to justify her actions by saying "you knew it was over" and junk like that.

showtime

Turnera? where you at?? Let's hear the stern voice of reason.

showtime

One more thing I should ad, Last night she was supposed to confess everything!!!! Obviously she didn't. That was what my inside source was telling me. So tonite when my "mole" called and said they were at dinner. The "mole" asked me what my W said last night. I said, barely anything, she swared they never did anything and stuff like that. My W told the "mole" that she told me EVERYTHING.

With that being said, I am sure that she told TOM this as well. Because I heard he was pressuring her to end it with me. So when I pulled in there tonite and took the picture. I am sure he was looking at her like WTF? So I wonder how there conversations are going tonite? I am half tempted to call TOM and tell him whats been going on. She is going to lie to her H of 6 years, why wouldn't she lie to TOM, who she barely knows??

showtime

Well it all seems like it is spinning out of control now!!! She has a very significant ringtone now. "I was already gone" "I was already gone"???? And our friend has told me this morning, that she is still dead set on him, and he is promising her the world. And that is what she needed was for me to catch her and justify her and now she feels like its out in the open. So she is fine with it??!!!!!

What now?

turnera

So have you emailed this picture to her parents and siblings and best friends yet?

Why not?

showtime

Yeah I have!

turnera

The reason you expose is to tell everyone the truth BEFORE she starts saying crap like 'it was already over' so that, when she does say that - and they all do - she looks like an idiot. If she tells everyone it was already over BEFORE you expose, YOU look like an idiot.

What exposure are you doing today?

showtime

Well I am going to call everyone again.

Anymore suggestions?!!

turnera

No. Here is where you expose and sit back and see if it helps. If it doesn't, then you prepare yourself for the possibility that she moves on. Above all, do NOT let her take your children out of the house. Get your finances in order so she can't drain the bank account, get your lawyer to draw up paperwork in case she leaves for good, talk to your kids' schools and let them know she is not to take them out of school without your permission, let family and friends know this is your last ditch effort to save your marriage and any help getting her to end the affair is appreciated.

Do some thinking about how long you can go on like this, and give yourself a mental cutoff date for when you will move forward with separation papers. That helps you keep from begging her to come back against your better judgment, which would be a disaster.

What are you telling your kids? How old are they?

showtime

So my mom talked to TOMs aunt this morning. His aunt said that my W has been tilling TOM, we are already divorced, I am a terrible father and everything else!!!!!!!!!

And TOM lives with his aunt and is like her mother. And his aunt is VERY good friends with my mom. So TOMs aunt is going over to my moms work in a little bit to talk things over with my mom!!!! We will see how that plays out.

She is going to be upset when she finds out for sure. I gotta figure out what the best move is after this comes out. Because when TOMs aunt tells him, he will call my W!!!!!!

turnera

What are you doing to address any issues your wife may have with you? If she can blame things on you, you'd better be working on those issues.

Affaircare

showtime~

To some degree don't we always tell you to settle down, relax, breathe and not let your emotions get ahead of you? I would recommend that again. Let your mom and his aunt meet. It is "to be expected" that the two involved in an affair would lie, even to each other. It's part of how they justify doing what they know is wrong. So regarding her lies, seriously don't worry about that too much. Your mom knows you have your faults but she also knows you've been married all along, you're a great and caring dad, and that up until about (hmmm...) the time those two met you two were relatively happy. Now is the time to let some of the exposure you've done do it's work. So, let that happen.

WHILE it is happening, I would suggest taking this Jung Myers-Briggs Personality Test so you can learn even a little bit more about YOU. This is a relatively short test and you will find out some of your personal strengths and weaknesses. This would be a good time to begin working on you and being the man, husband and father you have the potential to be.

Top priority #1: make sure your children are secure. I would suggest talking to your lawyer (even by phone would be fine just to get some suggestions), talking to the school, within some degree even talking to the kids to make sure she doesn't try to go get them at school. Just be positive they are safe at home.

Also today would be an EXCELLENT day to be sure your finances are secure and not mess with hers ONE BIT. Gather together any household bills you have and be sure they have been paid and start to figure out a calendar when to pay which bills. Don't be surprised to discover that you're behind on some as it's conceivable she didn't pay a bill and kept the money instead.

__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this!

sidewayz

Hi Showtime...i know that I am getting on the tail end of this post, but would like to share with you what I have experienced. I am the wife that was having a 7 month affair. The difference is that we got caught, he was married to a good friend of mine and he was also friends of my husbands. To say the least, I am definately not proud of it at all and feel very guilty. I moved out of the house that night and that was Jan 12, 2010. Since then, me and TOM have ended it and have no contact with each other. But I can tell you that bugging, hounding, texting, calling, threatening does not help. He has done that for the last 3 months and it does nothing but push me away. The problem now is that he will go 2-3 days without doing it, leads me to believe it has changed and it happens again. Now, he is begging and pleading that I come back home to work it out...and i have a fear that I am resenting it because its not what I wanted, but giving in to my guilty feelings and don't want to hurt him. I am there, but can honestly say that I am not there. I have been more content by myself, but he has pushed me there. You may say that you aren't controlling, but we on the other side see it as that. The times that he didn't call me and the times that he went out with his friends are the times I was wondering what he was doing and wondering what I was missing, but he messed it up by being mean and calling me names and putting the kids in the middle. I probably would have wanted to come back by now if he had truly seperated himself from me, but by doing the things to me that was the reasons I am here today is not what I need or want. He has yet to let go and I continue to let it happen. I can tell you from this side, let her go....move on...do as they say...be nice when she calls, be nice when she comes and get the kids...don't call her...don't text herr unless its for the kids....don't push sex on her. If you do these things, it will more than likely work in the end....rather then if you push her into a corner. She has to figure out what life is without you and can't do that as long as she is in it with him. So until she ends it...there is nothing you can do to stop it or change her feelings so stop putting yourself through it. It will be easier on you if you pull away. As far as the kids go...don't threaten anything with them. That will push her to go to the lawyer. If he would have tried to keep them from me, I would have headed straight to the lawyer and draw up temporary papers to grant me my rights. Which she will get if she is not into drugs or considered a bad mother. In my state, the affair doesn't matter....as long as you werent having sex in front of the kids. Not sure how it works in your state. Hope this helps a little and Good luck. It will all work out for the best. Im firm believer in everything happens for a reason. And this might be a reason to better your marriage...but its going to take a LOT of patience and time.

Feelingalone

Showtime,

Listen to Affaircare and Tanelornpete, they speak the truth and are doing it for all the right reasons -- to pay it forward for what they've learned.

I'm the poster child for how to do wrong -- or at least I was. You need to be a man again. Meaning being in control of himself and his environment. You need to be the calm in the storm in your marriage. Especially for your children.

As AC and TP have said, this isn't and won't be an overnight journey. You need to dig deep into yourself and look into the mirror. Do you like what you see today? You need to change. Yes what your w is doing is wrong, but you can control only you and that is it. Just know that in digging deep within yourself you might find things about yourself that bring about pain. Just confront it, and pass through it. This is a process and not a race.

I wish you well in your journey.

Peace.

__________________
"Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less" ....C.S. Lewis

showtime

I jsut got done talking TOMs aunt face to face. Of course my W has been lying to both of us. Stringing me and TOM along. It is all about to blow up in my W face!!!!

She has been making me out to be some sort of a monster to Toms family, I am terrible to the children, never bring home any money, stuff like this. So it is about to go down for her...

We'll see what happens. These poor kids don't even know what they were born into. I feel so bad for them!!!!

Thank you everybody!