I feel like everything just went down the drain... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-24-2010, 10:08 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 53
Exclamation I feel like everything just went down the drain...

Back story:
Husband had a month long A in October. I found out Halloween, he broke things off. She's stayed away, and we've been working on our marriage.

H was working nights, and after the A I begged him to switch to mornings. He refused for some time, and things started getting better, so he requested a shift change to spend more time with our daughter & myself.

This was in January.
H is at work today, and has been late the past two days...
He told me he is switching back to nights.

Instantly I got upset, I overreacted and I can admit this...

I just feel like all the work we put in went down the drain.
When he worked nights, I felt like a single mother. I stay at home, have no family around and am terribly lonely. I have a few friends, but see them once a week on their schedule.

He's working 6a - 2p now, and it was amazing. We got to spend more time together, he had more time with our daughter... everything was fallig into place. I was supposed to start school in October, everything was perfect.

Now he'll be working 12p - 9p, one week day off and every other weekend off...
Our daughter is very much a daddy's girl, and when he works an occasional night she is treacherous, she screams until he returns home.

This in turn adds more stress on to myself, and then of course he is stressed the minute he walks i the door.
When he works nights, we fight more, see eachother less...I feel neglected and I feel like a single mother.
I feel like I don't have a husband, but a room mate.

I cried and begged him not to go back ot nights and he hung up on me. I called him back and told him not to call me until he was off, because I was only going to make his day worse.

He's been texting me saying things such as "I can't believe how unsupportive you are" etc.
I know he has trouble with mornings but if he would cut out certain activities, he would be able to wake up alot easier...

I feel like I am getting jipped.
Right now my logic is, I know our relationship is going to go back to sh*t so why stay and take it?

I don't know what I'm looking for here...any advice would be appreciated....

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-24-2010, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 53
Re: I feel like everything just went down the drain...

H just called on his break... I wasn't going to answer but I knew if I didn't it would make things worse.
He told me he can't believe how incredibly selfish I am. How unsupportive I am of things he wants...
He also said he doesn't appreciate the fact that I said I feel like a single mother when he works nights, but I really do.
He will wake up around 10, leave at 11:30, then when he gets home our daughter will be in bed.
I was doing all the parenting by myself, and not by his choice.

I feel this is escalading into something worse and am debating finding somewhere else to stay the night.
I honestly don't know what to do...

I don't feel I am being selfish. I feel if he would get his act together and stop being irresponsible he wouldn't be late to work, and he wouldn't have a problem doing this.

I feel he no longer wants to spend time with me, and I feel it is crucial we have more time to ourselves. We have that now, with naptimes and an early bedtime and what not...but that will be gone soon.
I will even be in bed before he gets home nightly, meaning I will see him about 2 hours everyday...
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-24-2010, 04:23 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 36,163
Re: I feel like everything just went down the drain...

You need a professional mediator for this. You BOTH feel unappreciated, and you can't just change that. Offer the counseling route and see what he says.
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