What Should I Do Help!

daggydoo · 05-08-2008, 06:59 AM

Well been marriaged 9yr have 3kids oldest is 7 she went and had sex with another man should I divorce her ?

Now that is the question put simply now here are the details.
My wife has suffered with depression all her life and when we meet I support her and help her get back who she was and is and learn how do be independent and know how to make her own choices in life. I did this for the whole 9yrs and just these last 3months both me and my wife as well the physiologist agree she has change so much that she may never need to take her meds for her depression.
Now in saying this she decide to live somewhere else in her own flat so that she can learn how to be independent and take time to learn how to take care of the kids. So I was fine with this and supported her with that but as soon as she moved out well you guess it she started dating different men and at first it meant to just friends but she went got protection

and had sex and told me all about it.
Now she is no longer see this guy due to alot of things but it has not stop she has paid to join a single personal site for dating so as to meet more guys and she said that so i can have friends. I think this ok but having aq friends then having sex with them that would seem more than just a friend. When she told me of this I said well look at what happen between you and that guy you where suppose to be friends.
Now to explain more what happen as why they stop see each other. Well the funny thing is when she had sex with him umm well Lets say she said their was a big difference in size when she told me that I said to her what do you think that they where all the same or that I was braging answer was yes.
That said after her talking about this she said because of that well she was thinking it would be best if they where friends. That shocked me.
Anyway this will do for now I just donot know what to do should I divorce her? i know feel more easy to be just friends at this time but is right for me to say well because of that we should divorce considering all that i have stated?

CantThinkOfAJUserName · 05-08-2008, 07:33 AM

If she is not remorseful for her betrayal, has not stopped all contact with the OM and is still separated from you, then I wonder what is the point in staying married to her? The kids? If you are the primary caregiver then you should a pretty good chance in getting primary custody of them. So again ask yourself, what is the point in staying married to her?

draconis · 05-08-2008, 10:58 AM

Why would you if she is going to cheat on you at will. You don't describe her as feeling guilty about cheating, her only problem was his size.

draconis

swedish · 05-08-2008, 11:52 AM

It sounds as though she is already headed in that direction. She moved out. She's pursuing and sleeping with other men. She shows no signs of wanting to be in a marriage with you. If you want an open marriage where you both see other people and do not live together, you are already set up for that. Otherwise, I don't see any other option but divorce if you want a traditional monogamous marriage, because she's walked away from that and doesn't seem to be giving you any indication that she's at all vested in her marriage to you.

sweetp101 · 05-08-2008, 12:42 PM

You've already separated. She wants to date others. She already stated she wants you to make friends (female). Get a divorce.

She has moved on with her life.

daggydoo · 05-09-2008, 04:45 AM

Thanks for the input. It is hard I am sad that things end this way. But yes your right has moved on but funny thing is I donot think is knows that she has.

Cindy · 05-11-2008, 02:26 PM

I'm just curious why you would let her move out. My husband would not have gone for that at all. Why can't she be independent at home with her husband? You guys are supposed to be partners, not "independent" of each other. What about your kids? How was it beneficial to them to be taken out of their father's home only to see mommy with a boyfriend? (Sorry y'all, I'm old fashioned that way I guess)

It would break my heart if my husband moved out, cheated on me then told me to have other lovers. You should ask her to come home, she's unraveling, which is common with depressed people in her situation, (my sister-in-law is very similar to your wife.) Without her meds or you, she has no sure footing in her life. I say bring her home, get her back on her meds, and see how it goes. If she refuses, then divorce her and get custody of your kids.