It's Been a Long time - Why Does it Bother me - Should it Bother me
I found out some information over the weekend that really threw me, and it bothers me. It bothers me a lot. Among things I would like to understand are: why after so many years does this bother me, and should it bother me the way it does.
My wife and I have been married 32 years, have been faithful to each other the whole time. This has been very easy too as we are very much in love. Here comes the wrinkle. Before we got married we lived together for a few years and due to the nature of my work I did have to work out of town on occasion. On a number of these trips, I suspected upon returning home that someone had been keeping my side of the bed warm. There was no truly hard evidence or a proverbial smoking gun, but I did notice small little things: objects out of place on my night stand, radio on the night stand (used only for an alarm) tuned to a different station, items out of place in the bathroom that being male related my wife (then girlfriend) would not touched, different make of beer and soft drinks in the fridge.
I didn't mention anything the first time I noticed this, but the second and third time I did. I was pretty sure from the little clues and queues that her old boyfriend was taking my place while I was out of town working. My wife (girl friend) vehemently denied this. After much discussion, I said "okay, I believe you" - or something similar. We were married and have been together ever since.
Now 32 years later and out of the blue, I find out she was sleeping with her old boyfriend, in my bed, while I was out of town. My wife now openly admits this and wonders how I could be so petty as to bring up something from so long ago. What she was well aware of then, and now, is that had I known that then, had she honestly answered my questions, we never would have even spoken again, let alone dated again, and marriage would have been totally out of the realm of possibility.
I have to admit I'm a bit confused. We have been faithful since we were married. Yet for some reason this really upsets me. I don't want to say "okay, let's bag the marriage and go our own separate ways", but I do feel deceived, and though I hate to even say it, our marriage is technically built on a foundation of lies as we never would have married had these facts been known.
Am I being petty? Is it normal for something like this to bother me after so long? Maybe I'm the one who needs help.